Whenever I talk about body insecurities I have, my friend interupts me to talk about herself.

[Anonymous]

One of my best friends won't let me vent about the way I look or the things people say about my looks. I am very sensitive about my body. People tell me I am broad chested, have big shoulders/small hips, and one boy said that I am big. I mention these comments to her and she always interrupts me. Such as, when the boy said I was big, she just interrupted me to say she feels big. Mind you, she's 20 pounds lighter then me. I roll my eyes and say yeah you're so big. She just laughs. I mean, I know my mind can't be read and that people aren't aware of my insecure I am about my body, but I feel like she doesn't care or only wants to talk about herself on these issues. Today, I mentioned that I am careful about using weights at the gym because it only makes me bulk up. She said she thinks that's how she looks and that she just gained 5 pounds. I don't know ... I reassured her she looks good. But I feel like this courtesy is never extended to me . Maybe I should just get over it. Everyone tells me I have big shoulders and it makes me feel like a guy. I just sometimes wish I was invisible so that I didn't have to deal with people reassuring me the insecurities that I have with my body. And I feel like I can't tell that to my friend because she either doesn't care or doesn't want to be bothered with the fact that she's not the only one with body insecurities.

[Nicci]

I imagine that's probably just her way of trying to make you feel better? I mean really do you know any girl in the entire world who doesn't feel insecure about their body? Because I don't.

I'm not trying to play down your problems and I don't think your friend is either, trust me I know how hard these can be, but in the end you just have to be honest with yourself, there are somethings we can't change no matter how much we want too, so we just have to kind of accept that these are part of who we are.

Sorry I don't have a better answer or anything, I could do with following my own advice sometimes because I also have these insecurities as well even, but I do believe that learning to accept these parts of yourself is one of the most important things you can do, besides the most attractive thing about someone is their self-confidence anyway, not their looks, self-confidence is something a lot of people lack but it's the most attractive thing about any guy and any girl.

[nfigure]

I agree that her friend is probably trying to show that she understands, and is trying to make her feel better. =) It's difficult for many people to convey in words, some delicate issues that they nevertheless comprehend in their own minds. So in cases like these, it's better for us to just appreciate their good intentions, rather than feeling frustrated by their actual execution.

[Asker]

Thanks for your imput and that has crossed my mind! But I don't vent all that much. And I feel like she often writes me or talks about her own body issues. Its something that we discuss alot. I feel like she needs to be heard and get validation from me, but she doesn't offer me the same. It's frustrating. I don't need validation. I just need someone to listen

[Primrose]

Maybe she's trying to relate to you? She's not doing a great job since you feel frustrated with her. Doesn't sound like she's the best people person. Maybe you should stop venting to her since she's pretty inconsiderate. Some people also just aren't good with dealing with body weight.

Also if you brought this up a couple of times before, maybe she's tired of it? I'm not trying to make you sound like a naggy person but have you ever completely vented to her already before? some people aren't build to hear the same problems more then a couple of times. If so, then move on venting to someone else who can actually help instead of 'play off' the problem.

Also if you want to feel better and feel 'big' maybe you should do some cardio. Exercising gives you endorphins and endorphins makes you happy.

[Asker]

Thanks for your post! You might be right ... but she is doing a bad job at relating to me. It's funny because I've never told her this. I really hate confrontation in friendships. I feel like she won't get it if I explain it to her. The thing is that she has body image issues of her own and she talks to me about them. I listen to her and talk to her about it ... but she doesn't really get that I would like to talk about myself sometimes too.

[Primrose]

maybe when you bring it up she is then just blinded by her own problems. again, not the best person to go too. You don't have to confront her, just learn she's not the person to go to. everyone has that one friend (close or not) that you don't do certain things with even if they do it with you.

[Theguyoverthere]

Your friend sounds like a narcissist. I have met girls who definitely can be considered that. It's always about them, how they look, what they are up to, and nothing else. Reminds me of the time a girl I would talk to on the phone would do to me. All about her, and she actually asked me how my day was and when I started talking she sounded like it pained her to listen to it.

As for the weight loss, I feel like girls are always going to be sensitive about their weight if they suspect they may be. Do a ton of cardio and if you feel like a certain part of your body is where the fat is, do light weight training for that area and it will tone up. So if it's your legs, find a machine for that part of your legs and use it a few times a week.

Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

call her out on it.

sometimes people don't realize that they start to steal the attention or whatever in a conversation.

tell her "i feel like I can't confide in you how I'm feeling because you don't care, because of instead of listening/responding to what I'm saying, you talk about yourself instead. please be here as a friend to me"

either she'll get mad or she'll be concerned that her friend (you) is upset.