Holidays

2022 summary & future plans! Plus rant 😂

*TW: BEFORE I START RAMBLING THIS POST CONTAINS TOPICS SUCH AS WAR, TRAMUA, MENTAL HEALTH, EATING DISORDERS ETC.*

This is my first my take! Also this was inspired @MCheetah 💖

I've been open about the struggles with my life. I've talked about my family. My depression. My eating disorder. It has been a good source to let out my emotions & get advice, mostly full of love & support 💝

2023 will be a hear of getting therapy & actually achieving some of my goals. I said in my previous post, 2022 was awful. Christmas this year was depressing. You could tell everyone was not in the Christmas spirit this year 😮‍💨

I was down in London for Christmas this year, with my boyfriend's grandparents & his parents. We drove down motorway & most of the lights were off. There were cat lights that dimly light the road 😓

M25 motorway near London 🚙
M25 motorway near London 🚙

We then drove through an extremely wealthy part of London, full ablaze of Christmas lights. My phone then rang. It was one of my cousins. They are safe & in a bunker. The explained they were singing Christmas songs over air stikes. It was felt like insanity 😲

Some of my family live in Kherson. There was a misle strike there & we are unsure who is injured/alive. I know more members of my family are coming to stay with us in January. I'm allowed to go back home & help if I want to. My mother had said if I die, it is not her fault & she tired to warn me 😑

Heart breaking image from Kherson 😔
Heart breaking image from Kherson 😔

I wanted to go at the start of the war but I was not allowed. I want to help in any way I can. We have donated & raised so much money to help. I'm entirely lost. I need a purpse & I think this is it. I don't care about uni anymore. Plus seeing people who are actually suffering may make me less ill 💁‍♀️

Sitting there with loads of food & thinking about how I would make myself vomit made it even more sad (due to my eating disorder). I'm not claiming going out there will 'fix me' but I am hoping it will make me realise what is happening outside & make me grounded in reality 😰

Average Christmas dinner in the UK 🎄
Average Christmas dinner in the UK 🎄

I also need to brush up on my Ukrainian/Russian (I tend to change tones when I am upset so sorry if it seems all over the place) We grew up with all 3 languages but English has been my domaint language for 10 years. I also learned German & French in school but I've forgotten most of that now 😂

Am I scared? Of course I am. I am bloody terrified! I'm going to have to do a lot before I go obviously & figure out how long I will be there for. I'll have to figure out money & accommodation as well 🤔

I would like to make clear that this is the first time I've not been back since Christmas 2019. I have to make sure I am mentally prepared for what lays ahead of me. It will just be over 3 years since I've last been back 😔

I know my old school has been bombed & our old house. I want to help but I would aslo like to get some sketches & photos of the ruins. (I think I may have just decided what I want to do when I get back 😁)

Ukrainian soilders enjoying a Christmas meal 💖
Ukrainian soilders enjoying a Christmas meal 💖

Anyways I've ranted on enough & this is poorley written! I've made clear to everyone what I'll be doing hopefully in a few weeks & my plans for 2023. All I have to do now is tell my family to f off 😂

Hopefully this post makes sense. I am also drunk writing this, so shhhh 🤫😂

Happy Holidays & Happy New Year 🥳 (Also take care ❤)

Lots of love,

Artsy 🥰

P.s - What are your goals for next year?

2022 summary & future plans! Plus rant 😂
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