Stop Saying All Girls Are Beautiful

[Anonymous]

I have an issue with telling all girls they're beautiful. Not that I'm jealous, or that I'm insecure about my own appearance, or that I think that conventionally attractive girls shouldn't receive compliments on their appearance. My issue is that appearance seems to be the first and foremost thing we judge women on. (I mean, yeah, when we first meet a person, we're going to know nothing about them except what they look like, but I mean with people that we know.)

You see posts on social media and whatnot telling girls that they're beautiful no matter what, and that society is ugly for judging people on their appearance. Instead, I think we need to get the message across to women and girls that they possess positive qualities beyond their body shape, their makeup, their hair, their fashion sense. Women have the potential to be smart, funny, kind, talented human beings, and by just embracing the idea that all women have the capacity to be beautiful is dangerous because it covers up the idea that a woman's worth as a human being can be based on anything more than external appearance.

You don't see really men judged in such a way, and if they are judged in this manner, it is not nearly to the same extent, with the same frequency. Much more than women are men judged by their talents, their personality, their intelligence, their sense of humor, etc.

While I do applaud the destruction of traditional ideas and standards about beauty, and I do advocate the idea that everyone should feel confident in their appearance and feel beautiful in their own skin, I personally feel that it's insulting when the first and only compliment women ever receive is "you're beautiful." I have seen smart girls with great personalities have their self-esteem destroyed because they were worrying about what they looked like. I just want to take them all by their shoulders and tell them, "You are more than what you look like!"

Saying that all women are beautiful and leaving it at that (while praising men for their internal qualities) continues the dangerous stereotype that a woman's purpose is to be pretty, and that's it. Regardless of how inclusive female beauty becomes, when we ignore the other positive qualities that women possess, we do not come closer to gender equality.

It's so insulting when the primary compliment the female gender receives is "you're beautiful." A woman is so much more than her body.

[Anonymous]

I agree with basically everything you say here. It's not just that though. I'm someone who I know I am not attractive. I wrote a blog post about what life is like as an unattractive woman. I have a blog that I use to write a lot of things, like reviews for movies or books, or just random things. I don't generally talk too much about myself but sometimes I will. Last summer I decided to put in some input about what life is like as an unattractive woman, and my experiences in life.

Basically every single person wrote: "Every woman is beautiful. If someone thinks you are ugly, they are jerks. I doubt you're ugly." I honestly believe that is a wrong message. First of all because not everyone is attracted to everyone. So by saying that, you're saying that everyone is a jerk. Secondly, I know my own life experiences. So do other people who know me for that matter. They've all witnessed me being called ugly (they don't do it, but they've stood up for me) and to say: "I doubt you're ugly" bothers me. Nobody seems to believe someone online if they say they are unattractive, and yet just reading through these comments there are people admitting they've seen ugly women. So why is it okay to admit to the fact you've seen someone unattractive, but you don't believe someone when they say they are?

Anyway, the whole point to the blog post was basically the point to your post. I was trying to get people to look past peoples looks and not be so judgmental. I wanted them to see the affect they have on people when they are rude. I wanted them to see that they've been reading my blog for a couple years, and they didn't see an ugly woman. So they should be able to look past a persons appearance offline as well. Absolutely nobody got that point. All they did was tell me that my experiences couldn't have happened because no one is ugly, and people aren't judgmental about looks. Yes, someone actually said that.

[James19]

Mho is here

[Anonymous]

Is there anything you women won't complain about? Seriously, it seems no matter what happens, you will be upset at and complain about something. Why not just get over it, move on and live your lives like the rest of us rather than constantly playing the victim role and believing your outcomes are outside of your control? That must be fucking exhausting.

What society really needs to do is stop coddling women and treating them like spoilt children. We need to stop acknowledging this kind bullshit.

[Foreverrunning]

Omgggg you are missing the message howww daree you say we always complain...

[Slavanna]

I don't see how this particular take is "coddling women". It's basically saying "you are human, you can be ugly, you can be beautiful, but that's not all there is to you; you have PERSONALITY, you know". I find this take to be especially well balanced for this site.

[PercyXO]

I honestly think this isn't something to get so worked up over. Someone called you beautiful when they first met you? So what, accept the compliment. They are trying to be kind and polite... I dont see why you should take offense to that. And im sure once they begin to know you more they will see all your other positive traits too.

I get it, you dont want to be narrowed down to just a pretty face. You want your other traits, characteristics, qualities and talents to be noticed too. But that doesn't mean that there is something wrong with your physical attributes being praised as well. So the next time someone says "Hey, you're pretty." Simply say thank you and show them all your other wonderful qualities as well.

Also some may not like to admit it but we LOVE attention. It feels good when someone calls you pretty, beautiful, attractive. Its just a compliment so dont complain when people stop giving you that attention.

There's also a lot of self hate among teens and adults these days. Much of it leading to suicide so I will forever support the self love communities. You have an issue with telling all girls they're beautiful? Would you rather we tell them they're ugly? Im sorry to offend you but we are all beautiful. Im beautiful, you're beautiful, everyone is beautiful and we all have amazing qualities that we uniquely offer to the world. Yes I am so much more than my body but that doesn't make the word "beautiful" an insult. There are bigger things to have an issue with in our world

[ahrt95]

I think you're not completely looking at this. When people first look at a person, they simply Cannot see the other qualities. When you see a stranger, you could only see their outer appearance. It's when people really get to know each other when they see the inner qualities. I don't see it as an insult when someone compliments on my appearance because i know I'm more than just a physical appearance and I've been complimented on my inner self by people who know me well. I don't think complimenting on physical looks is an insult to the person's whole self. Personally, I think outer beauty is simply based on our natural looks. It doesn't matter how much makeup we have or don't have because it doesn't change that we're all beautifully made. That being said, I do agree than though our outer beauty may be part of whats beautiful, it's our inner qualities that make up the whole package. In many ways, everything about ourselves, our individuality and unique yet weird selves is uniquely beautiful just as anyone else's, and though we are all beautiful, our beauties cannot be compared since it's all an individual beauty. Hopefully this makes sense :)

[Amplify]

I think you're taking it the wrong way. We aren't telling girls they're beautiful because that's all we think matters, we tell them that so they can stop worrying about it and get on with their lives.

When someone is feeling worthless and asks you if they are pretty, I don't think you should tell them it doesn't matter. If they truly believe that their beauty is the last thing they have, hearing someone say it doesn't matter could crush them.

Beauty is something people like to strive for because it's subjective. You can never be ugly to everyone. But you can be awful at doing a certain task. An expert has the authority to judge your skill any way they see fit. Not everyone can offer an opinion with such weight. And it's entirely possible to not be wanted by anyone for your skill, but there's always someone who wants you for your physical appearance.

If being wanted is what they need to feel good about themselves, then they should be able to feel that way no matter what it is people want from them.

[Frost_Byte]

Well i think that people who tell all girls they are beautiful have the same goal as you do. If you tell all girls that they are beautiful, then nobody is unique when it comes to looks. If everyone is equal, and they get out a message that its impossible to become unique in appearance, then instead, they will strive to be unique in their personalities. Telling all girls they are beautiful eliminates appearance as a factor. If appearance is eliminated as a factor, then personalities will become the only factor, and girls (guys too) will focus on their personalities instead of their looks.

[myTake Owner]

Never thought of it like that, and while I stand by my original statement, you make a really valid point.
Thanks for the insight!

[dthdhdghadh]

Essentially it's because women are the limiting factor in reproduction and their main value to society (genetically speaking) is having a uterus. Men with their overflowing reproductive capacity, have a somewhat superficial way of choosing mates, which is based on looks, and the genome's mandate is to reproduce. And beauty is seen as a fertility trait, capable of bearing healthy offspring and so forth.
Since a (as in one single) man has no inherent value to society (one lucky man would be happy to provide all the females with the sperm after all), men must work to achieve, produce or whatever in order to be of value to society and to women.
I imagine this is deeply ingrained into our brain (which hasn't evolved much in the last 10k years) so as a society we still operate with our tribal neolithic brains.
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[Janett21]

I've never said all women are beautiful but if I said it I would mean that every woman is beautiful in her own way and not only appearance.

Also I have met some girls and my first impression was: OMG HOW DO THEY LOOK LIKE? but now that I knlw them better I see them as "beautiful" in the inside as in the outside.

[mynameisblue]

You re the best my sister :*

[Janett21]

haha thank youu!!

[Dtegesd123]

Yes please stop. For guys that say this , this is for youwww.google.ca/search

she is a old lady, who is a baby killer, tell me you find her physically attractive or she has a good personality...

[Anonymous]

We all see beauty in a different way so being sad over an face that isn´t considered attractive is like being greedy because you don´t get all the attention. But is attention more important than finding someone that loves you for who you really are. I don´t think so honestly. Sure if you are attractive then you have a greater amount of females to choose from. But on the other hand it may lead to love that isn´t real. Like you may be attractive and that female may become your girlfriend but in the end she will notice another attractive guy and whats next? I think you all know the answer to it. Cheating is the result you will gain.

[Onyx277]

I don't think it's trying to put all of the worth on her beauty. Women want to hear they are beautiful, or most of them do at least, and it gives them a larger self esteem inside as well. It is because in society a woman's crowning glory is to be considered beautiful thanks to the media. I think women should be told they are beautiful, smart as well etc.

[GreatnessPersonified]

I get what you're saying. I do agree that calling someone beautiful should be followed up with additional comments to their character.

However, I don't know too many women who don't like being complimented on their look, especially if they took a long time to make it happen.

[myTake Owner]

I totally agree with you. As a woman myself, I actually really love getting complimented on my looks.

My issue is that if looks are the only thing (or at least, the first thing) that we focus on when considering a woman's positive qualities, because I feel like we, as a society, tend to focus more on a woman's looks compared to a man's, and that greater emphasis is placed upon men's internal qualities while this is typically not the case with women.

[AleDeEurope]

I agree, that's why women should stop caring so much about how beautiful they are. I mean, we men care more about who they are as a person, more than how they look, it's women the ones that seem to just focus on beauty.
Say whatever you want to me, but you're your own enemy, just take a look at the magazines you buy and you'll see what I'm talking about.

[muspelhem_5]

All humans are judged according to fuckability.

Why do you think kids and old people get no respect?

Why do you think it's the same guys who got all the girls in school who get all the glory after school?

Why do you think it's the same girls who got all the guys in school who get all the glory after school?

Men are judged by what women find attractive. Women are judged by what men find attractive. End of story.

[Bellibooo]

I liked this Take! We shouldn't put so much value in looks. Sure, everyone can be beautiful in someone's eyes, but what more is there? Personality wins all the time, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Agreed, appearance isn't everything. I mean the girl has to be somewhat attractive. But having a good physical appearance doesn't mean they're free of flaws. And you should never ignore flaws and red flags because you think someone is very physically attractive, I've made that mistake and it's fucked me over.

[KleinTeef]

Not all women are beautiful though. I've seen some pretty ugly ones lately.

I think the worse kind of woman is the woman who's pretty on the outside, but outright ugly on the inside.

[bloodmountain1990]

Agreed, never ignore red flags no matter how cute a girl is. Funny thing is, these girls feel more entitled than girls who are considered physically unattractive.

[SakuraChii]

I think women in general are beautiful but I'm not saying that every guy/girl will be attracted to every women

[aadigeog]

All girls are beautiful. All boys are beautiful. All people are beautiful. I will say it again and again.

[MalloryMalloy]

All girls are beautiful to SOMEONE and that is the point. The same can be said with men (although I would use the word handsome here.)

[Jersey1]

I have met some beautiful people whose physical features are not what one would call beautiful. I would rather be with them than people that are opposite of that.

[VioletCouple]

*Most* girls are beautiful to me. That doesn't mean I like em' >:)