What It Means To Be A Good Traditional Wife

[05Jueey]

Commit for life

Trust that you chose the right man. After you've chosen the man you will marry, commit to the marriage for life. Recognize that people and relationships change and evolve and your job is to stay committed through it all. You made a vow, a promise to him.

Support and encourage

Use your influence to lift him up. Avoid nagging and criticizing. Encourage him to reach his goals and be the best man he can be.

Submit and obey

Allow him to take the lead where necessary. A strong smart man can make the best decision for his family. Surrender to him and trust that he will make the best decision for you.

Put him first

Recognize your role as wife (and mother) and put your family before yourself. Keep him in mind when making decisions.

[xHoneyxBeex]

I like the traditional relationship values and principles. I'm somewhat traditional myself, though not to the extreme. I definitely agree with what you said about commitment to each other as well as supporting and encouraging him. Those are important and of great value to me in my relationships, personally.

As for "submit and obey." I'm not sure I would use those exact words for myself, but I understand what you were trying to say. I don't mind letting the man take the lead, but I still have a voice in the relationship and I would trust him to respect that and value my opinions when he makes decisions. Regarding your last point, the man and the woman should each put each other first and always put the family unit as a whole before themselves.

There are different levels of being traditional. I mentioned that I consider myself to be traditional but probably not to the same level as you are and that's totally okay. Everyone is different and I respect the fact that some women are more or less traditional than I am. I've noticed that it seems to be a common thing for some women who aren't traditional to attack or belittle those who are and that's something that annoys me. I don't think anyone should be attacked just because they choose a different lifestyle for themselves.

[05Jueey]

:) :)

[PT1911]

This entire take constitutes the man being an actual man: a leader, protector, provider, principled, disciplined, educated, motivated, and faithful.

In addition, a woman needs to make sure that a man holds all of these qualities, just as she must hold the qualities you hold.

At the same time, a man must recognize that his wife trusts him, she's not a door mat, but rather, while leading, he should be able to consult her, to make sure his decisions are truly the right ones. When they become married, they are two halves of a whole, each with their own function and role to play. one half leads, the other supports. One supports, the other nurtures. One protects, the other consoles.

Great post, careful, saying stuff like this brings out the so called "tolerant" liberals

[05Jueey]

Love it!

[PT1911]

*one provides

[TheDevilInside]

You can submit and obey to your husband, juuey, but I fucking refuse to do that. We have fought for equal rights all these decades, and i sure as hell not going to throw all that out the Windows and just "submit and obey" to my husband. Sounds like the life of an oppressed Muslim woman who wears burqas and has to stay home raising 27 kids with your husband's 7 other wives... Kids whose. names your husband can't even remember anyway. Nope, not the life i want for me. I know i have too much pride and i know i am too strong of a woman to be opressed like that. My husband should know this, and should know to use my stregth to our family's advantage, and that is by respect ing me as his equal.

I have long noticed you like things traditional, juey, despite US not knowing each other. And good for you if it works for you. But if you would just stop showing this thing that i think is very old fashioned and only-for-weak-women idea of family life in my face, that would be great. You don't like people arguing with your ideals, the. Stop showing your ideals in people's faces. It's just like when Christians or Muslims or vegans keep showing their beliefs in other people's faces. It makes me shit from being neutral, "live and let live", to disliking the idea even more and disliking the people more.

[05Jueey]

I have no problem with people disagreeing with me, unlike you. No idea where you got that from.

[TheDevilInside]

Didn't you complain about "why do people have a Problem with others liking things different from what they like?" or something like that? And no, i don't have a Problem with people disagreeing with me per SE, i only have a Problem if they keep showing it in my face.

[05Jueey]

This is a website where people express themselves and ask questions about their interests. Nothing us being shoved in your face. You choose to keep on responding. That's not my problem

[TheDevilInside]

Just saying girl. I'm also expressing myself here.

[TheLittleBuggy]

Oh my god people are such babies. It's not like you're saying "You HAVE to do this to be a good wife." You're just giving the BASICS of your "traditional" House wife, which in reality, is very accurate. Obviously not everyone has too/wants to conform to this, but to those who WANT too, this is a reasonable list.

And as for the "Submit and obey" thing that everyone in particular seems to be getting upset about, I think of it as from my big fat Greek wedding. "The husband may be the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants."
Which basically I think means in the end he is the one making the "official" Decision, but there is no reason a woman can't strongly suggest a certain decision.

[05Jueey]

Thanks girl

[PT1911]

Damn accurate lol

[GirlsLie]

"The husband may be the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants."
Which basically I think means in the end he is the one making the "official" Decision, but there is no reason a woman can't strongly suggest a certain decision."

I just don't understand why one person would get a "final" say in a relationship. Or why someone has to "strongly suggest" something. Why can't you just both have equal opinions.

[TheLittleBuggy]

@GirlsLie Because that's how the "traditional" wife was. That's all this girl is saying. It's the traditional way. She's not strapping you down and forcing this view down your throat. If that isn't what you want, great, ignore it.

[GirlsLie]

I didn't say she was, you came to that conclusion all on your own. I was hoping for an actual answer or even an actual example of when there is a time in a relationship where you need a leader? I've been in two long term relationships and never once said "damn you know what we need? someone to suggest and someone to make the final decision! that's what we're missing here" lol

[TheLittleBuggy]

@GirlsLie
I never said one did either. However "back in the day" That's just how it was. Men controlled the "traditional" home. How much more of answer do you need? You're trying to compare it to "your" version of what a relationship should be like, but you simply can't do that in this case.

[GirlsLie]

But this isn't "Back in the day" anymore... i'm also not limited to just how I see things in my relationship, I don't have an issue at all with most things that make a "traditional wife" or with women who choose to do it. My question is first, when is this ever really needed? what situations is a final decision ever needed in most relationships and second why does a man have to be the one making? If you take away your personal feelings on the subject, even if I take away mine, I still don't understand it.

[TheLittleBuggy]

@GirlsLie That's JUST HOW IT WAS. I never said it was "needed". No one ever said it was "needed". And no, it isn't "back in the day". However that's where the "traditional" housewife image came from, back in the day. I'm not using my personal feelings on this matter, I'm stating facts that you clearly are not grasping because you are looking at this entire thing the wrong way.

[GirlsLie]

I don't think you've given me any facts. You've been extremely defensive for no reason, came to conclusions all on your own, made assumptions about me, all while screaming about how everyone else has did that to the Take owner but it's ok for you to do it to anyone else that questions her.

You've given me no facts, you've given me "that's how it is" but my question is why do people choose those options and why do those options exist just because of gender.

I assumed that someone who went out of their way to make a Take about the subject would be able to answer my question. It's not like I brought the subject up to her out of no where and forced it on her, she voiced her opinion about it, why can't others do the same.

[TheLittleBuggy]

@GirlsLie I wasn't being defensive, it was snippy. I was being snippy because I get agitated when someone sits there asking the same thing repetitively, which by the way, never once did you actually ask THAT.
And some people do choose it, because that's just what they want. They believe in the gender roles, and everything else. It's like asking "why do you like oranges better then apples?". It's just what they want and enjoy. I can't give an example as to why people choose it, I don't want it. I want a partnership as I believe you said. (You've made your own assumptions).

[GirlsLie]

"I wasn't being defensive, it was snippy. I was being snippy because I get agitated when someone sits there asking the same thing repetitively, which by the way, never once did you actually ask THAT."

Actually you were "snippy" the FIRST time that I asked, so you can forget the repetitive part.

"never once did you actually ask THAT."

This was my first reply "I just don't understand why one person would get a "final" say in a relationship. Or why someone has to "strongly suggest" something. Why can't you just both have equal opinions." That was a question, I was opening it for discussion pretty much.

I haven't made any assumptions about you personally, I asked why things should be enforced because of a gender, why is someone happy being the "suggester" and why is someone else ok with being the leader of another adult. That's a little different than "hey what kind of fruit do you like".

[GirlGuy123]

Well reminds me of the Victorian Age.
Girls are different nowadays.
To be honest totally different.
A girl can commit for life and encourage but she can't submit and obey and always put him first every time. She is bound to have different opinion and it is not always the guy who is right. A happy married life is one in which a girl "doesn't obey" but "compromise".
It is not good to make another person an important decision that could change your life too.
Also in any situation everyone has his ideas. The culmination of the mother and father's ideas is the best for the family normally.
Also she needs to tell her husband what he has done wrong so that he can become a better person. Also when someone tells you why he is angry you know how to make that person happy otherwise you keep on cursing yourself for hurting the other person's feelings.

[genuinlysensitive]

Excellent mytake! Basically, think of someone other than yourself. Great advice in any relationship. The narcissistic trolls who disagree with this will never be in a real relationship, unless they change and actually think of someone other than themselves lol.

[05Jueey]

Wow thanks :)

[RachelBrigs]

You can be a wonderful girlfriend or wife without "submitting and obeying." I disagree with that point, does that really make me a narcissistic troll?

[genuinlysensitive]

I think a lot of people confuse trust with being a doormat. The two are nowhere close to being linked.

[vishna]

Submit and obey my ass. I trust my brain enough to make big and best decisions for myself. I don't need a guy to lead me. And if a strong man can make the best decisions for his family, a strong women can make the best decisions for hers. It's ridiculous that a grown ass woman would surrender herself and be at the mercy of her husband.

This is so antiquated. These actions had to be done when women couldn't do much for themselves because they often didn't have jobs and therefore couldn't provide for themselves outside of marriage. However, women are, for the most part, financially freed. So, we don't have to be a doll living in a doll house for a guy.

[Transigence]

This is so outdated it went OUT of style over 100 years ago.

[serious]

@05Jueey

It's a good take. However I would like to give my view:

1. I dislike people with a traditional mindset.

2. I want to ask you a question. I agree with your points, it's perfect but then why can't a modern and highly principled woman have the thinking that you have mentioned in your question? is it a possibility? can a woman be highly modern ( looks and thinking wise) yet have the kind of thinking you have mentioned, can such woman also be highly principled?

Hope you understood my question?

[05Jueey]

All I got from that was that you dislike traditional people. That means you dislike me. What a stupid thing to dislike a person over

[serious]

I never said I dislike you? why are you making this about you? why are you getting person, I was saying in general.

[serious]

Actually I meant to say that I dislike traditional minded people but that's in another sense, you certainly seem a highly principled lady, it's hard to explain, I would like to apologize for not being clear.

[Elis678]

No, a woman can be modern and respect herself, while obey to the husband like a dog. Just doormat brainwashed by patriarchal nonsense could want this lifestyle.

[Pat8707]

@Elis678 found the feminazi.

[Elis678]

@Pat8707 Actually, the nazi's were men that liked to submit people different from them and women. Ergo, found the nazi-misogynistic.

[Pat8707]

@Elis678 do you realize that you are, in fact, a radical feminist?

[Elis678]

@Pat8707 I'm not the one that tell to submit men in marriage. You're the only radical and misogynistic here.

[Pat8707]

@Elis678 "Radical feminists seek to abolish patriarchy by challenging existing social norms and institutions, rather than through a purely political process."
I never said that I support this. I said that if a woman actually wants it, then why not? Is your purpose to stop people from doing what they want simply because you disagree with them? If so, that's more controlling than anything I've said all day. Ad hominem attacks won't work against me, and it won't win the argument for you.

[GirlsLie]

When and why is leadership necessary in relationships? if someone felt the need to lead me, I wouldn't feel respected. I would also question his intentions because why would he need to be with a woman that he needs to lead?

I can't help but laugh at the idea that people actually think there are situations and scenarios in relationships where one person needs to be a leader.

I'm also not sure why being faithful and supportive is limited to traditional, pretty sure people who aren't traditional could be that way as well.

[WeaponZero]

Submit and obey? Screw that. I don't want somebody who will submit and obey. I want a human being not a pet or a slave. No. A good woman will not submit and obey and put me first blindly every time. She will think things out clearly and know when it is or isn't appropriate. She will call me out on it when my logic is flawed or what I'm asking her is unreasonable. She will have pride and self respec. Not be a dog or a slave.

[Goldie757]

"Surrender to him and trust that he will make the best decision for you."
media3.giphy.com/media/MA8BOGCdGy2LC/giphy.gif

I have a mind of my own and I'm very capable of making my own decisions.

I prefer a more equal and more balanced approach to relationships.

www.clemson.edu/.../equalityWheel.jpg

[Transigence]

That "equality wheel" looks suspiciously out of the Duluth model for domestic violence.

[nalaa]

I think given as you've done it, this awful advice. Unfortunately not all men are saints and all men can deal with power, many in fact abuse it. I said it in another comment, this is all fine IF he treats you well. But even he doesn't all this put him first and submit stuff is terrible advice. To the point that it's actually dangerous. You might say it goes without saying, but it doesn't. Many people have trouble telling an abusive relationship apart from a healthy one, especially if they're in it.

I also strongly disagree that you should never criticize someone. There's a time and place of course, but if you criticize someone it's not because you hate but because you want to be better.
And as someone on this site recently pointed out, shutting down criticism is a very nazi thing to do

[RJGraveyTrain]

I am not trying to be disrespectful of your views but I don't agree with this take at all. I think being a good wife is being an equal team player who expects the same amount of effort to be returned by her husband. But, if this is what you prefer then by all means go for it, but seeing as comments are enabled I am inclined to disagree.

[9mfeo]

Hello, time warp.

I get the feeling you are in a relationship where your needs are not being met because you have no voice. Did you actually want to be in a polyamorous relationship, or did your husband just decide that sex with you had gotten boring?

[05Jueey]

My boyfriend is very concerned with my feelings. he's constantly checking in with me

[9mfeo]

Checking in with your feelings doesn't mean taking them seriously, and from your views on the subject, it doesn't look like you much expect him to. Are you satisfied with being more like furniture than a person in your romantic relationships?

[05Jueey]

Very satisfied

[9mfeo]

Well, enjoy being a doormat, then.

[05Jueey]

I will

[AvaMarina]

And that's why I'm not a traditional person, haha. To each their own. If that kind of marriage will make someone happy, then by all means, I hope they have it! Definitely holds no appeal to me, though.

[Azara]

why is being traditional ';good'?

im really asking. i see a lot o stuff on, one about whether someone is traditional or not rational or what means.. but now hat you have how to be a good traditional wife. i want to know why yo think it is the good thing to do?

people will say i believe such and such bc im traditional but that does not explain anything. it does not explain why being traditional is what one should aspire to.

i mean the world moves forward. im not sure why saying back in the past is logical. aren't we supposed to evolve as a species and become better than we were. not try to stay as we are?

[loveisbeautiful]

I just have one question, since when does a traditional marriage (or relationship) involve your significant other having another girlfriend? You said here that you like a traditional relationship and you've mentioned in past question that your boyfriend has another girlfriend, so how is a polyamorous relationship even remotely traditional?

Look, I'm not judging you. I'm just curious.

[05Jueey]

I'm traditional in a lot of ways. Some might consider polygyny a traditional dynamic

[loveisbeautiful]

Okie dokie.

[LittleSally]

I agree with the first two and to put the family first, but submit and obey... that's pretty sick. o. O
Any person who is an adult should be able to make their decisions on their own - and if they're a part of a family - all together...

[Anonymous]

You forgot to add in the support section that supporting means staying with the husband in the GOOD AND BAD times. But with the 50%+ divorce rate where women in general INITIATE divorce, it's a scam. Not a wise economical deal. It's like a business. You build your business for 25 years then have a co owner he or she leaves your business within two years and takes 50% of assets. Some deal right? by the way, the marriage certificates that go to the state and get signed are viewed and signed as a BUSINESS contract. They see it as a business. Oh, almost forgot that prenups can be nullified in divorce courts. Some food for thought. Truth hurts but it's reality. Do some research and observe married people vs bachelors. Listen to the guy who is married and barely gets sex and is miserable. Hear it everywhere.

[Khaleesi89]

Why not just say be his bloody servant? Sorry I dated someone for almost a year, doing backflips for them to be what they want and it wasn't enough, I wasn't enough and they couldn't control me even though I was whipped. Sorry this take it's nice but I don't like what's posted about the Submit and Obey part, that's bullshit.

[Hezigrimm]

Actually I think everything is quite on point, besides the submit and obey. At least I would like my wife to make it known if she thinks that my decision is bad. As well 1,2, and 4 should apply to the man. Both of you should commit, support, and put the family first and think of the other whilst making decisions. Marriage is all about working things out together, not letting the other take control of everything.

[buttheadkakakak]

'Submit and obey'

What year is it, 1923? Everybody has their preferences, but wow

[Transigence]

Actually, that shit was already over with in 1923.

[buttheadkakakak]

@Transigence maybe 1874 then

[Mekkalyn]

@Transigence I think you are wrong.
Women were still very much forced into being a house mom who obeyed her husband and stayed home and made babies even in the 1950's.

www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/pill/peopleevents/p_mrs.html

"Stay-at-Home Moms
This was also the era of the "happy homemaker." For young mothers in the 1950s, domesticity was idealized in the media, and women were encouraged to stay at home if the family could afford it. Women who chose to work when they didn't need the paycheck were often considered selfish, putting themselves before the needs of their family. "

And here's something that's very telling about being expected to obey...
"Decades of Childbearing
But even for happy homemakers, pressures were mounting. In a departure from previous generations, it was no longer acceptable for a wife to shut her husband out of the bedroom. "

[Mekkalyn]

"The "M. R. S." Degree
In the 1950s, women felt tremendous societal pressure to focus their aspirations on a wedding ring. The U. S. marriage rate was at an all-time high and couples were tying the knot, on average, younger than ever before. Getting married right out of high school or while in college was considered the norm. A common stereotype was that women went to college to get a "Mrs." (pronounced M. R. S.) degree, meaning a husband. Although women had other aspirations in life, the dominant theme promoted in the culture and media at the time was that a husband was far more important for a young woman than a college degree. Despite the fact that employment rates also rose for women during this period, the media tended to focus on a woman's role in the home. If a woman wasn't engaged or married by her early twenties, she was in danger of becoming an "old maid." "

In short, it can be inferred that women were still considered vastly inferior and listened to their husbands mindlessly.