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Why Men Are Avoiding Marriage [And it's NOT due to Laziness] (Page 2)
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People don't take marriage seriously.
I'm glad divorces are legal, but many people get married with the idea that if it doesn't work, they can just simply get a divorce, especially women who will benefit from it.
If marriages were valued like they should be, we wouldn't have these problems.
Nope. Most people are superficial/materialistic these days and get into relationship for the wrong reason.
Good point, that's why the wife usually splits once there's some financial hardship. Too many people don't really know how they're marrying.
I just want to correct something. I'm a student in psychology and I've done tons of job shadowing and met patients/therapists.
I have never heard of a case where a man was called an ""Emo douchebag," and booted out of the therapy lounge.".
Medical professionals take these things really seriously. No therapist will EVER do that to you.
If you feel depressed, you must not fear that a situation like the one this guy described will ever happen. You will be met with support and help if you seek it.
no they don't do that. they just tell the guy that his feelings are wrong and he needs to learn to deal with them instead of dumping the whore and finding a decent women
@dudeman This is absolutely untrue. BY LAW, we are forbidden from giving any advice in the form of instruction to clients. So I doubt the scenario you are describing has ever happened.
The sad truth is that there is not much in marriage for men. They receive very little benefit over living with someone and risk a lot if it doesn't work out. A wife can divorce you anytime she wants without cause, take your children and half, or more, of your things.
I understand that marriage is sweet idea, but the reality is often very different and most of the burden is put on the man.
I like the idea of marriage. I would love to be married for the rest of my life, to spend my life with the one person who will stand beside me through anything. But marriage does not promise that. Marriage is only as strong and the will of BOTH parties and either can destroy it in an instant.
Do I believe in love and committing you life to another person? Yes! Without question or hesitation, Yes! But in our current society, that is not what marriage offers.
Cohabitation, living with your partner and children, can turn into common-law marriage.
Marriage does not ruin sex lives. Actually, in long-term relationships, heterosexual couples do tend to have sex less often, as the sexual excitement and attraction evolve into a compassionate relationship. Bottom line: if you want a long-lasting relationship, then you must have a working friendship with that person. So, even if the sexual intimacy dissolves, you two stay together out of intimate friendship/partnership.
Actually studies show higher divorce rate for people who cohabitate before marriage and as far as I know cohabitation rarely lasts long term comparative to marriage. I think its less to do with marriage and more to do with society. Marriage requires you to be fully commited but now with so many easy ways out it no longer is something that you stick to, the incentive to stay and work things out is not their (which is a shame since studies show married couples who do actually are more happy after being married for ten plus years then they where when they first got married or even got together with their spouse). That combined with the completely one sided laws that screw any man who is unfortunate enough to have a wife who decides she is bored and divorces him doesn't help. As for the money, yeah its absurdly expensive but that's a choice people make really. As for the rest I agree.
Marriage means something to some people. It's two people entering a bond formed by God. It's sacred. I personally would not be interested in you if you didn't want marriage at some point.
But seriously if I wrote something like this on males having all the power I would get called a dirty feminist. Double standards smh.
Would you leave your man if you was infertile?
@BubbleBoy69 I would find out before hand for sure. I would not leave someone I love if we were already married if I found that out, but that is not a realistic situation for me because it is one of the things I will find out before hand.
Opinion owner. I do agree with you on this very much so , and your right about marriage being just that. Only those filled with the devil think like that.
Lol I'm pretty sure this is the exact same girl that said she only dates rich guys because they're nice. Haha tells you something doesn't it!
@10dsw I'm in high school I can date whoever I want. Nobody dates to marry in high school.
@10dsw And stop stalking me.
Marriage is now a legal contract, which is enforced by the state.
This contract is weighted 100 per cent in favour of the female.
A man would have to be a drooling idiot to enter into such a contract.
Apparently I'm stalking you because I saw one of your posts elsewhere... haha idiot
He's not against marriage, he's against how you have industries using weddings as another outlet to indirectly brag to your friends and family. The point is, most wedding expenses are pointless luxuries, not the bond itself.
nope nope nope... marriage is an institution backed by a government and the laws contained therein. if not, then marriages performed and officiated by a minister (unlicensed) would also be called a marriage and recognized by the state. additionally, cultural studies clearly indicate that marriages go beyond religious societies as more of a societal development often more in line with maintaining family power and/or treaty arrangements independent of belief.
Absolutely agree! If you feel that way about marriage you shouldn't get married, just let her know up front how you feel up font and if she doesn't feel the same you guys can just split and go your separate ways before wasting too much of each others time.
This sounds a little biased. But if you really believe that men are treated like crap compared to women, then I think you're believing a little too much on information that isn't very accurate. Yes, there are a lot cases that men have to pay alimony, child support, and subpoenas in divorces. But that's really the ONLY valid argument that I can agree with. Both women AND MEN are supported when dealing with depression and hardships in life. I can't force you to understand that if you don't. But really make some observations when you're discussing about personal problems that individuals deal with
If people didn't have sex before marriage, they would be thrilled to get married.
It's not about sex either, just knowing you have a girl by your side, that you made a commitment to stick together through anything, and you can build a family a new set of potentially amazing people is what make me interested.
On the other hand, that excitement you get meeting new people, the freedom to do whatever you want, to only have responcibilitys for yourself, and more spare time is nice. But thats stuff you have to get out of the way while your growing up.
You can have all that with cohabitation. Marriage is a legal shackle, it doesn't make relationships better, just puts more pressure on them and makes them revolve more around money and legal responsibilities.
I've been married for almost nine years to my best friend and the love of my life. In eight days we'll have been in a relationship for 13 years. We have three kids together and we are still very much in love. We got married because I got knocked up with our first kid though we'd talked about it a few times. The only thing that changed when we said 'I do' is that we both wear a wedding ring now. I've never even changed my last name to his and have no desire to. When you love and are completely devoted to someone, marriage doesn't seem like such a big deal. It's just a piece of paper, really.
Kids are a pain in the ass though lol. But you love them and the good times make it all worth it. I wouldn't change a thing about my wonderful family. Sure, it's not easy by any means; the headaches, the stress, being broke 24/7... it's just a part of life and I think I've got a good one.
A lot of people who are from broken homes will agree with you,
Marriage is a waste of time and money
It does change people
And there is a high risk one will cheat on the other.
Marriage now has high divorce rate and with that a half of what each other has to be divided between them..
Shared bank accounts ect?
It's all a joke.. I never want to get married, I don't care for big dresses and stupid rings..
My grandad was married twice, his first wife until she died and his second when he was 83 years old age after a long relationship..
If anyone is going to get married the long term thing way into 80 years of age is best...
The issue is that many women today are like jihadis. They will hold their vaginas hostage until you give in to their demands... and if you refuse, they'll nuke the whole relationship. It's like Al Qaida on estrogen. Through social media, they've become Sexting terrorists who instead of manipulating the oil price, they manipulate the price of vagina shares. I nearly lost a leg in combat with one of them
Allahu Akbarina
"They will hold their vaginas hostage until you give in to their demands... and if you refuse, they'll nuke the whole relationship"
^^ Ironically, I think this is more likely to indicate a (mostly subconscious) desire for you to give in LESS, and to be MORE dominant/"controlling"/"demanding" in the relationship.
At least that's what I've seen with my girlfriends, anyway -- and, I'm honest and self-aware enough to see it in myself, too. With a man who couldn't hold the line, I would get awfully bitchy awfully fast, too.
In other words, the WORST thing you could do in this sort of situation is accede to the woman's demands. She's testing yr ability to maintain *authority* -- and, for lack of a better word, to exercise power over her.
**NO** woman wants a yes-man.
__
In any case, this is hardly a thing about "women today". Just look at any stand-up comedy routine from the fifties or sixties, and you'll hear the same complaints x 10000000000 (especially since it was so much more
acceptable for women to be, uh, sexually frigid back then).
@redeyemindtricks oh trust me. On the occasions that this comes up, I make it very clear that I don't negotiate with terrorists. That's the (insert my name) doctrine
What's the price of vagina today brah?
@RustlingJimmies its at an all time high
... what
@lumos lol. Okay In a nutshell, many women have become very proficient at using sex and their vaginas like a bargaining chip in relationships... and if you don't give in, they just end the whole relationship, similarly to how suicide bombers end whole lives simply because they have a different point of view. People like colorful analogies
I just didn't really expect you to say something like that
@lumos I'm not talking about all women everywhere so don't kill me. But at the same time, we don't live in a world where women are perfect and men are the only ones fucking up :)
And obviously, it was partly in jest, unless you really think I lost a leg over this xD
"very proficient at using sex and their vaginas like a bargaining chip in relationships"
^^ dude... don't take this the wrong way, but this kinda just sounds like... we actually want you to put a little effort into turning us on.
I know, I KNOW... Crazy idea.
@redeyemindtricks that's not what I was referring to.
He is saying woman use sex to black mail men to give into their demands which go well outside of just turning her on. Sometime can be used to condition you to change your personality into one the girl prefers.
@RustlingJimmies " Sometime can be used to condition you to change your personality into one the girl prefers." You're on your way to becoming a master distiller
@RustlingJimmies Well, that's fuckin stupid... lol. Why would I be fucking him in the first place, if he wasn't already what I wanted?
@redeyemindtricks Because sometime women settle and with most couple you can't get 100% exactly what you want from your partner. In addition the needs you want initially will change as you get older.
You just have to be aware of which states you choose to make your life in. Avoid states with permanent alimony. Avoid community property states. Avoid states where a future spouse can be robbed by an ex spouse of her earnings... Have an iron clad prenuptial agreement and have her agree to it at least a year before you get married. If you're smart you'll keep all your separate property in your name for life. When she complains about not being on the deed, too fucking bad... Put previsions in your prenuptial agreement for no continued alimony and split property acquired during marriage based on a percentage determined from federally filed tax returns (it's on the record and indisputable). Then if she's a lazy oaf that sits on her duff she gets nothing, and if she brings home the bacon she gets her percentage...
Remember to protect your entire retirement... Don't forget your pensions and social security or you'll die in a shit hole while she robs you when you are feeble and old like a soul sucking bitch.
The men I have come across in my life time, don't want to marry or they just want to be my friend or friends with benefits. If they do want a relationship they are afraid to meet family members and make my life easier, so I can at least go somewhere. Now a days people are weird so my family just wants to make sure they are not going to hurt me or kill me, sense I live with them. I also have said to myself that, maybe marriage is great but we watch or see so much stuff that says we need to get married and have children but some people don't have that in reality or they get divorced, then they are alone again.
Ha. I do agree on this. My boyfriend and I went to Adam's Election special here in Houston too. Anyways... we already discuss how we will do things in the event that we cohabitate / get married. I get to decorate but I'll be doing so with respect to nerdism since I'm also a nerd. And when he offered to put our future wedding in my hands I told him no sir... and that we would work together to make it a day about US... not a day about ME. It's not only an important day for my life but his too and I'd hope that he'd get to remember it fondly. But we're not too hung up on it in general for anytime soon (that I know of)... we've just discussed in in random occasions. We expect to end up together... we just... have no real requirements on how or when it happens 'officially'.
Marriage is a meaningless institution. The only benefit to marriage is that a widower's custody of his children cannot be challenged successfully unless he can be proven to be an unfit father. If you just have a signed and notarized contract, or a will, someone else in her family can take your kids from you.
Otherwise, marriage is meaningless.
I love my wife, but if she dies or leaves me, I'll never marry again. I'd mourn for a decent period then move on, but I'd never never never marry again.
Yeah I kind of agree I want to be married but what's the point I don't know the future. My girl can leave whenever she feels like straight divorce me because she just doesn't feel anything anymore and refuses to work it out. I'll lose the love of my life , kid (s) if I have em and I'll have to look for a new home to live. If I make more money they're alimony like it was said up there. Then if I want a new wife we're paying for a new home and our bills and I still have to pay my ex wife maybe child support too. While paying bills , taking care of current kid (s) it's too stressful especially if my new wife gets sick of it all then you have to deal with it all over again what kind of life is that?
BUZZZZZZZZZT wrong answer, thanks for playing here you get to go home with a home game: why i should be a MGTOW.
in fact people aren't getting married because most look at it as just a piece of paper. or are spend too much time on plugged into the internet beleiving everything they read.
or just having fun with no real attachment in their no strings attached sex. without really relating to the other at all and wonder why they are unforfilled and why no one takes them seriously. if you can't commit to a pet you have no business trying to commit to another human being.
My boyfriend and I look forward to the day we get married. :) I guess just find a gal who wants the same things as you. Marriage isn't the problem, it's bad people that are.
No its the laws of marriage that are bad
@Mrwoo99 Okay then. So find a girl who feels the same way as you.
Well yeah am happy if she lives on her own independently but I reckon that is gonna be quite difficult to find. Meaning she's going to want to live me in my home and her family are not gonna like that am leaving her to struggle to pay rent when I can look after her.
Most women are gonna want kids and she's gonna expect me to bring her in to my home so we can love together and I can't do that. I know it seems horrible but what choice have i got?
Live *
@Mrwoo99 Mmm I don't know if this would sound weird but maybe get a girl with intimacy issues. I'm not sure why someone like that would want a relationship but I've seen a few girls who don't want marriage or children and want their own space constantly. There's a girl on here who broke up with her boyfriend because she's not an affectionate person.
I'm not sure how much happiness you could have with someone like that, but I can imagine if you feel the same it shouldn't be an issue.
I lot of youngster (20ish) these days are like that in french Canada. The generation y of Canada. They want private space, they find you needy if your trying to hang out each week. Once they are near their thirty or pass over, they get a urge to finally want a serious relationship, but it has to evolve fast. Relly fast, she or he want it now. It is a big commun thinking in french Canadian latelly. Maybe, she was a candian, high chance.
@EricMontreal Eric... what are you chatting you mate?
"Well that means the mans opinions, wants, needs, or even his life will mean little or nothing in a marriage." - r u talking about marrying society here? Cos, yes, society doesn't care, person sho loves u does. It' s that simple...