Reasons why some men don't want to get married

Reasons why some men don't want to get married

Please note this is for about marriage in heterosexuals.

Less and less people these days don't seem to be getting married. According to Pew research center women say that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their lives rose From 28%-37% for men the opposite happen dropping 35%-29%.

1. Father figure loss of respect

Long ago a man wasn't considered an adult until he was married with kids. These days fathers are figures of fun more than respect. Professor James Macnamara: β€œBy volume, 69% of mass media reporting and commentary on men was unfavorable, compared with just 12 percent favorable and 19 percent neutral or balance."

2. Losing out on sex

Men who cohabitate have more sex than men who are married. According to a men's health article, a study followed 2,737 people for 6 years and found that cohabiters said they were happier and more confident than married couples and singles.

3. Losing friends

Although both men and women lose friends after marriage, it affects some men’s self-esteem more.

4. Losing space

5. You could lose your kids and your money

6. You will lose in court

7. You'll lose your freedom

If you are charged with child support you can't pay, you can be put in jail. 95% and 98.5% of all incarcerations in Massachusetts from the Massachusetts Probate and Family Courts from 2001-2011 have been men.further study shows that women who fail to pay all of their child support are incarcerated only 1/8th as often as men with similar violations

8. Single life is better than ever for some men

Single men were once looked at suspiciously. Now most people do not look askance at the single lifestyle, dating is easy and employers probably prefer employees with no conflicting family responsibilities.

But people respond to incentives. If you waht more men to marry it needs to be an attractive proposition.


Most Helpful Guy

  • The simplest thing is...

    There's no reason for men to want to get married.

    We've gotten to a point where marriage offers literally nothing that men can have just as easily, and with less risk, outside of marriage.

    • Even though I have never been married and I have nothing against marriage I honestly don't see the benefit men get from marriage. But there are some good women out there. But don't let the crazy women ruin it for you

    • i know there are good women out there.

      i just don't see why i would actually marry one... date, sure. relationship, sure. marriage, why?

    • Basically, what reason is there for men to marry?

      You want a lover, a companion, kids, you want someone to live with? A man can have all of that outside marriage, with less risk. Women and/or society have gotten rid of all incentive for men to want to legally wed.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel like a lot of this is because of what women DO to men while they're married, or men marrying the WRONG women. Not every man, nor is every woman, marriage material. Men who claim they have a loss in sex life when they get married are obviously not married to the right woman. This is different however, if the woman or man is suffering from a medical condition (for instance, one of my friends went through a scare with breast cancer and hasn't had sex with her husband in 2 years, which I think is barbaric but he seems happy so whatever.)

    People should understand the person they're giving a ring to. It's rare for a woman you've been dating for 5 years to suddenly show undesirable colors after you get married and have kids. If you're divorcing your wife of 6 years and the mother of your children because you don't have a sex life, because you're tired of her nagging you about not being a real parent to your children, or because you've suddenly realized that you don't want to give up friends, space and money for a family, then I've got some news for you. You don't know her well enough, haven't found the right woman, and aren't ready to be a parent.

    Don't get me wrong, this issue is a double edged sword. Women have problems with marriage too for some of the same reasons. The bottom line is, KNOW WHO YOU'RE MARRYING. If you're dating a girl who constantly blows you off for sex, either you're asking too much, or you haven't found the right girl. DON'T MARRY HER. If you suddenly notice a loss in friends because your girlfriend is controlling and slightly psychotic, you haven't found the right girl. DON'T MARRY HER. If you notice that your girlfriend, who you plan on marrying, seems like the kind of woman who wants to have 6 kids with you then dump you so you have to pay child support, you've found a psycho who needs to somehow be put in jail and you also haven't found the right girl. DON'T MARRY HER.

    Men are unhappy in marriages not because they're married, but because they aren't with the right woman, and also because there's usually a lack of communication. If you understand the person you're committing your life to, you're less likely to have a crap marriage with them.

    • Very well said. +1

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    • To say it more plainly, you don't have to sell men on the idea of marriage. Most of us would love to find a great woman to settle down with. The costs have simply grown to outweigh the benefits though.

    • @HannahDJA - I like your perspective! Definitely what I was thinking.

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What Guys Said 53

  • It seems like you are one of the few women that actually understand why men don't want to get married. Most women just want to pretend it is because we are sluts that want to sleep around, or that we are cowards that fear commitment. Most women almost never to want to admit that something in our society might actually be so unfair to men that we would have to give up on a basic desire like finding a partner to go through this life with.

    The attitude of not caring about men's issues in itself is another reason men don't want to get married. Most women simply don't care about or believe in the problems men face, while expecting us to care about the problems women face. Who would want to marry someone that sexist? Someone that sexist is far more likely to screw us over later if things go bad.

    • Not every women is sexist though

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    • : ) I get excited sometimes.

    • agreed 100% with this promoting this whole feminism culture is fine but its at the expense of women becoming awful human beings at times, at times we are taught to forget that men are also human and deserve love and respect and a decent etiquette of behavior like we all do

  • Marriage is a legal and binding contract. Been married two times and both times I lost everything except the dog.

    If I ever do that again I am having a prenuptial agreement drawn up to protect myself from how courts treat men in a divorce.

    I know not all women are greedy. I seem to be a magnet to the ones who are and will never understand how they can sleep at night after the damage their greed caused.

  • An excellent take. I particularly like the reasearched used in the media coverage, which all men have noticed. Men, especially fathers are almost always portrayed as abusers, or clueless idiots in the media.

    You were also spot on with your other points. I would just like to ad that in addition to no sex, or boring sex, quite often wives just lie there and want hubby to do all the work, I would like to add the wife changes in other ways. They sometimes are much more demanding, critical, and all around Bitch after they tie the knot.

    • I read an article for women once about how this lady wrote women can "be themselves" after they get the relationship. Wtf

    • Yea they idolize lazy, narcissistic behavior, thinking once they get the guy to commit "It will all be about me." Instead of it being a two way street it becomes a demand for servitude.

      Which is why I think women should stop reading girly magazines and blogs. Not only do they encourage such selfish behavior, they usually give horrible advice. One woman once told me she read a bunch of articles from different ones saying that on a dinner date the woman "Needs to only order a salad, and not even finish it." This was a few months ago mind you. Not only is it total crap, guys don't care if you get an entree when you go out, but so many of them just give horrible advice, its like they are TRYING to sabotage women's relationships!

  • It's a nice list. I'd like to add some things that I see in and around my personal life.

    - Not seeing the reason to get married (My sister and her boyfriend have both been married once to other people, have now been living together in a wonderful relationship for 20 years now and both do not see the benefits)

    - Becoming the 3rd wheel or nothing more than a provider once children come. (sadly seen this happen more than once)

    - Fear of everything changing after getting married. (I have seen some couples stop being dating each other and taking each other for granted because they already have each other plenty of times. For example stop being attractive for each other)

    - Career choices or goals

    - Not trusting women

    - Being fine with how the relationship is now

    - Seeing bad examples (Kinds sums up all of the above)

    - Not wanting children and therefore seeing marriage as one step away from children.

    Like I said these are examples I have seen with my own eyes and are not necessarily what every men thinks.

  • It seems like something that's just expected of us, and because of that nobody will give you a real reason to do it. It's kind of a retarded circle. I've seen marriage really crush a lot of guys (including my father). It's hard to find an older man who is still married happily. The vast majority are either still married but very bitter and unhappy or divorced and feel like they lived their entire lives for a bitch (or bitches) who betrayed them, kids who have turned against them or never knew them, and money that has been siphoned out of their accounts by a vindictive wife, the courts and lawyers, and all the associated costs in a divorce such as child support and alimony. It's as though they all just made the same mistake and I'm not supposed to learn from it. Frankly, I've never met a woman who I would want to spend the rest of my life with. And even if I did, I still wouldn't be stupid enough to put my money in a joint account, or my house in her name, or pay all of her bills because reasons, or grant her power of attorney, etc. If somebody really cares about you they wouldn't expect that from you.

  • Yeaa nice take... points 4,5,6,7 are the biggest reason why men don't want to get married...
    Its not fair!! The courts are so biased!!!

    And also many a times people don't have enough self esteem... if something wrong if happening to them in their relationships or they chase wrong people and get married... They are unhappy because of that!!!

    People should really know their partner more before getting married 😊

  • lol @ getting married. Basically you're paying a used, old, promiscuous whore, whose biological clock started ticking, to make you a child and eventually take him, along with 50% of material possession you worked for, after you've caught her cheating.

  • It's a tough subject. As a young man I have heard almost nothing positive about marriage, nor have I seen anything. All you've listed is true, and then some. From what I've heard you get married, she changes, you become unhappy, your life is controlled, she leaves you (sometimes after cheating) and you lose everything. I see and hear that happening so much that marriage seems like a REALLY bad idea.
    I want to get married. I want kids. I want to spend my life with the girl I love. But marriage is so risky that I really am repulsed by the idea.

    • Sometimes women change because the men change, think about what if you treat her like you two in realationship, will she change? On another hand, maybe you both will argue for something you won't meet before marrige, why don't you think it's a chance to make you get know each other better? I think marrige is still a very beautiful thing, as long as you choose the right one and believe that, never give up! Be positive.

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    • @Transigence OMG, now I know why the guy that I like who from Amarica is so arraid of getting married. Feel bad.

    • @AnewSheldon I'm not saying it's on the up and up, but she can pull it off if she's willing to lie and set him up a bit. Police and court bias against men is more pronounced than it is for blacks (for which it is pronounced).

  • Excellent take , especially point 1... men are viewed as stupid , moronic sex crazed rapist filth by Western " society " , this is a " Divide & Rule " tactic by the owners of the " media " to attempt to get everyone to fear & hate everyone else , women are targeted more than men as they are far more emotional thinkers and tend to be more prone to this programming , you can't deny that a large percentage of women in the West view men as lesser beings.

    I have reconciled with my ( nearly ex ) wife as was sick of being taken for granted & never appreciated & my starting separation proceedings was a wake up call for her , but she is still on " Final Warning " as far as I'm concerned. Point 2 is the vast majority of marriages / LTR's & not bashing women here , but it's nearly always the woman that withholds sex from the man or uses it as a tool of control. Is it any wonder that a large & rapidly growing number of men are avoiding marriage.

    • I don't think men are viewed as rapist by western society

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    • @Gummybearlover There are violent women too , I've had a chunk bitten out of my shoulder by a psycho ex plus was nearly bottled in the eye by a drunken vicious bitch whilst working as door staff , women are often MORE vicious than men !!

    • @Transigence Yes , that is true , stats back this up to the hilt , normally groups of ( cowardly ) " men " attack others for " sport " . I have had to use extreme violence against 3 idiots that attempted to attack me , I hated having to be so brutal , but no choice !!

  • The reason men don't want to get married is because there's nothing in it for them. They only have everything to lose, and nothing to gain.

    • That's not how all men feel.

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    • @iamyourneighbor no, but more and more men are starting to feel this way. And who could blame them? Cases of a man losing everything to a gold-digging bitch, or a prenup being outright IGNORED by the judge, are becoming all too common.

    • Not all men are smart.

  • I've always wanted to get married, but the older I get, the less I wanna get married. I still want a girl to live with for the rest of my life, but married? I don't know... we'll see if thing change, but if the marriage fails (which is 50% of the time, and 66% of divorces are filed by women) we all know who's gonna get fucked. So rather play it safe than regret it later.

    • actually the 50% statistic in divorces is wrong. Look up "the true divorce rate in america". its MUCH MUCH lower than 50%. that and you have to ask yourself, out of all your family members who are married... are half of them getting divorces? no... also the statistic of women instigating divorce is higher from what I remember seeing. its around 70-80%.

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    • A woman can still take a man to court if she is cohabitating with her boyfriend and she gets pregnant by him. Honestly, you don't have to be married to have half of your things taken away from you. I have seen plenty of court cases where the couple were not married and the girlfriend or the boyfriend was able to get some of their exes stuff

    • You're right in that, that's why you're never safe xD

  • I agree. The benefits of marriage versus staying single or in causal relationships are reduced while the costs and risks of marriage have increased. Simply put, marriage is a worse deal for men than ever before. It really is a pity.

    • I'd be interested in actually talking to one of the girls that downvoted me. I fail to see how marriage has not gotten worse for men, while staying single/casual has gotten better for men.

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    • @Onlyinit4fun No worries. :)

      I suppose so. Even then, the whole institution of marriage seems to be too costly for the man AND woman. Divorce lawyers and wedding planers are the main winners. lol

    • It's a pity that many divorcees can't just end things in a positive way. Find a solution that works out best for everyone and not be so materialistic. If there are children we see many times that their happiness is not taken into account. The best thing for a child is for their parents to be friends after the divorce and both active in their lives.

      People in general are just terrible at diplomacy. And that's basically what is needed in a case of divorce. Diplomacy and rational thought.

  • Oh my god. You got it sooooo correct. I thought a guy wrote this for a while. I see so many women who think men don't want to get married because of them when really it has very little to do with women. There's just so many other negatives involved. Personally I want to get married but like number 8 says my single life is awesome and I don't want to risk it. I mean I'd take being a full custody single father over a bad marriage. But I think the changing mentality is better. Yes less people will get married but people will get married for better reasons and because we're learning to be happy independently less people will put pressure on their spouse. I really don't think we're witnessing a decline in marriage just a little friction from people adapting to technology and the Information Age. With time I think people will marry later but will stay married longer.

  • One of the things that put men off marriage is that it's us that bring more to the table in a marriage its never equal.

  • Not for me. My main goal in life is to get married.

    It's a great take though with some well balanced points. Court especially is a big issue, the man is at an immediate disadvantage plus they rarely ever get custody even if they have a better case. Your point about losing friends is also a very valid one although some men find that they actually want to lose those friends.

  • Well, I have decided to stay single forever (till the end), and the decision is final but I have my own reasons and not the one that are mentioned above. Anyways, what you are saying is also right.

    • Probably on the same boat as you. In India, marriage is just an evil nightmare for men due to laws like 498 A. I'm also planning to have a girlfriend but not to marry a girl. The relationship is only between the two consenting partners. Society has no right to interfere in that.

    • Correct, society has no right to interfere. Well said.

  • For me I won't ever get married because the risk far outways the benifits of getting married.

  • Honestly this is very saddening, but it is pretty true.

    I VERY much wanna get married and have children, I honestly do, but the social climate as it stands right now is just not a good deal for guys, I'm afraid. Guys don't just "want" to stay away from marriage, they're outright scared to get married. It just seems like the cons outweigh the pros far too much.

  • funny you said 'single men were once viewed suspiciously but this isn't the case anymore"... well if your over 30 and a single man some of that still holds true. People either assume you are weird, gay or just plain immature. None of the above are true for me. I just haven't found the right person yet. However I'm getting socially punished in my conservative family. All of my younger siblings are married. Most of my younger cousins are getting married (I'm going to a wedding in 3 weeks). My relatives slight and disrespect me ways. It's not all that great being single.

    • I don't know where you live but there are a lot of single guys > 30 around here and I don't see people thinking those things about them.

    • I live in a city but my relatives are in the burbs.

  • It seems now that in many ways including legally and judicially women have the most power during and after a marriage.

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What Girls Said 10

  • You don't have to be in a marriage for half this stuff to happen to you. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some people hate putting in any effort into their relationships. My mom is a nurse and she has male patients in the nursing home. Some have claimed to be ladies men and have all sorts of women through their life. Now in the nursing home no one visits them and they'd be lucky if one friend showed up.

    I do appreciate people who are upfront about not wanting to get married. Helps the other person who wants to get married to not waste their time.

    • they probably don't get a lot of visitors because maybe when they were young and attractive maybe they treated a lot of women really bad.

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    • Some people care for people without needing a contract. If you need to cage people before you grant *mutual* exchange in respect/help/affection, then you do not love.

      What amount of closeness you choose to have is your thing. Forcing people to marry before you invest time in them is wrong. What matters is if you feel the relationship (whatever the kind) is benefical, without needing to own.

    • @superficialgirls Cage people? Forcing? Obviously you have a warped view of marriage. No one wrote anything about (or not) granting respect, help, affection, or investing time until you're married. As I said before marriage isn't for everyone. But don'the attempt to belittle something just because you don't want to do it.

  • I see. We should do a take on ''Reasons why women prefer staying single''
    Because instead of blaming everything on us women, you men have lots of defects that scare us away. So, don't worry, we're not desperate to marry your dick either. :) in fact, shopping, cute animals, food and female friends are a lot better.

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    • I think you are missing the point. The number of men wanting to get married are going down, while the number of women wanting to get married are going up. Writing a take on why women are preferring to stay single that blame men during a time when more women want to get married wouldn't make any sense.

    • Men not wanting to get married = women getting tired of trying. That's the truth. It's 2015, and we women are not as excited as getting married as before, because men don't want to. Fine, then let us be. But when you find the love of your life, don't get desperate to get married either, if you guys think marriage is bullshit. We women KNOW it since forever, so we're getting tired of it too. And no i was not being sarcastic about my interests, it's a lot more fun. Lol sorry guys

  • I don't think all men lose in court but undoubtedly if he makes more money, he more than likely will.

    I also haven't seen the "Father figure loss of respect" at all. If you're talking about entertainment, I think it's asinine to compare what is mostly made by men to depict what common people view a father as.

    And there are many marriages which don't cost men the rest.

    • That's why the title is called some men not all men

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    • You are immature and irrelevant at this point and very childish. Why did you answer if you feel this was all a waste of time. You are the one who is irrational and insulting me for no reason. If you are trying to make a rational argument you should actually talk about the take not project your issues on me because you think I don't agree with you

    • Mostly made by men... Sure, keep believing that fairy tale.

  • I cannot wait to meet these dudes! I never want to marry either:)

    • yeah that would be cool to meet like minded people in this way. I think there must be a lot of people who don't want to get married it's just hard to meet each other out in the real world...

    • @jager66 if you talk to people it's not hard

  • I am married and I have to say getting married is a BIG decision to make. My husband and I have been together and living together for 6 years, so for us it was a no brainer, but I feel like most couples don't take enough time to really get to know each other. If you cohabitate for a few years, then it's a pretty good time to be like, okay we'll be alright married.

    • You got married this year or did you get married as a teenager?

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    • Sorry about that πŸ˜” I simply agree with you when you say that it's a good idea to live together first and that's what Hannah's sister did before getting married.

    • I got married when I was 22

  • those are some pretty decent reasons i must say. it's up to the involved parties to make it not like that.

  • I thought the prenup thing solved all of the legal stuff?

    • To an extent. It protects what you had before getting married.

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    • Children is normally what hurts most guys in divorce. Divorces where there are no children, men are just as likely to file for divorce as women. I forget the exact number, but women are nearly the only ones filing for divorce when they have children, because the courts are very unfair to men, on the issue of child custody. This is why women more often file for divorce on average than men are.

      What makes it worse the more custody he loses the more money he has to pay. So if the woman wants more money, all she has to do is take more time from his kid. Some women even make it as hard as possible for the guy to see his kid, by placing them in schools, and daycare on the other side of town, so he might not be able to pick them up after work. Then when the mother proves the guy isn't seeing his kid enough, he loses more custody, and she has an excuse to take more money. It is a corrupt system that claims to be for the benefit of the child, when it is clearly not.

    • heavensgift2girls oh yeah, of course the bills would be mixed together. I meant separate property that wasn't added to the martial funds. and divorce can be so complicated... but there's really nothing else someone can do otherwise?

  • Lol, I see those points and some are understandable.

  • This makes me feel better about being a bachelorette.

  • Makes me think of "Dear Future Husband" by Meaghan Trainor :D