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33Opinion
Its traditional to pit dogs against bulls in fucked up cock fights.
Does that mean we should respect the game? Because its a tradition?
Its traditional to mutilise a baby boys penis. Should we respect that act? Because its tradition?
Traditional does not equal good.
Ill take my mans name if need be because i hate mine.
But it should never be an issue because of tradition.
Those were a little too extreme of negative examples to be fitting. I'd suggest saying something like; cake is traditional at a birthday party but maybe the kid only wants ice-cream lol
@ScaryCool But I think I understand what she's getting at; she made extreme examples because the OP was kind of being... pretty zealous about "Tradition" himself. Sort of a Newton's Third Law situation (the amount of force that you put in will be reflected back to you).
I'm not going to say if i agree with his MyTake or not, but he does put A LOT of emphasis on tradition
@thesongwentonforever Oh yeah definitely, I just was trying to find a better example to get it across was all.
@ScaryCool right?
I'm not going to dignify this with a proper response.
honestly, you could go double-barrelled (Name1-Name2), you could take her name, she could take yours, or you could do the brilliant thing/joke I saw online where you smash the names together, so instead of smith and johnson you get smithson for example
smush the names together... that's an interesting idea. i wouldn't go that way myself, but I still think it's an interesting idea.
I have a brother who's in his early-to-mid-thirties, K?
He has a wife who kept her name, and he kept his.
If she doesn't wanna take your name, then that's no reason to feel like that.
I wouldn't want my wife to take my name if she didn't want to, and our kids' last name would be both our last names. I'd be fine with that.
No, I wouldn't want her to take my name if she didn't want to.
It's a matter of tradition. It's not manditory, and if I love her enough to marry her, I don't know if that would be a deal breaker.
That being said; having the insecurities that I have, I would wonder how serious she was about becoming a family. Would she be my wife? or a girlfriend with a wedding band who could bail any time she wanted, and take half of everything I have.
Interesting take, but I wouldn't call the default taking of a man's name incidental. To me, very few things are, most things have a root, a cause.
If I may ask, why is this so important to you? I understand that you'll be open to different things in the situations that you mentioned which is good, but you are far from the only guy that I know who is just as enthusiastic about the last name situation, and I know people who are more so.
Also, it's not tradition everywhere, you know!
I understand that it's not traditional everwhere, and cross traditional marriages might be an interesting conversation.
The name thing... yes it does have a root cause. From what I'm told (if it's true) it wasn't as "honourable" as it is today.
Why it's important to me, is because I'm traditional... well for the most part. I'm still somewhat modern. Anyway, I started wondering about it when I starting thinking about proposing.
I thought that marrying this woman who I love, would make us a family, and to me, making a family is like making us a single unit. For all the gestures that I've made for her, or tried to make... for everything I've ever done to show her I love her... taking my name would show me that she loved me, and appreciated everything I've done.
Taking the leap, and proposing, I want to know that she wants to be one with me. Being one, means one name.
Hence the term: family name
Yet, if she doesn't take my name, I think I'd still want her to be my wife.
To be honest, I dont really care about getting married, but if I did I would be open to taking her name if it sounded better than my last name.
The only thing that irritates me about this whole thing is how a lot of women seem to EXPECT men to go along with all the traditions that benefit women over men, but then want to skip out on all the ones that don't. =.=
This is very true.
I'm starting to see a difference in views and responses after reading the girls' responses.
Traditions change, we can't expect things to remain same. If my future wife doesn't want to take my last name its no big issue for me. There is also career aspect as that's the name she has used.
I am however not hyphenating, and kids will take my last name.
I like your opinion, and I also love where you draw the line.
Respect.
As a child of divorced parents the idea of uniting as a family under one name is incredibly appealing. I will absolutely take my husband’s name.
I love the optimism.
I'm a child of divorced parents also, but I won't give up on the thought of a successful marriage.
You should marry somebody who has the same philosophy as you. Don't marry somebody who doesn't. Seems simple to me.
I have nothing to say to this. lol
It's straight forward, and simple.
I'll take by boyfriends name, however, I'm the only person in my family left with my surname, so if I change mine, it will die out, so I might want our children to have double barrel names
Through many of these responses I'm starting to see more and more, that women are concerned with carrying on their family names.
Though, I don't think it's a womans responsibility to carry on the name, I couldn't oppose the idea.
Perhaps it will be an evolution in tradition.
If she isn't going to take my name, she isn't going to be my wife. It's not that the name is so super important, but its a sign of a disagreeable woman who doesn't respect her husband.
Very, very good point.
I’m fine with the girl not taking my name but I am also fine with just cohabitation and not getting married. Why bother with the expense of marriage if you are not even share a name?
Marriage is a commitment, but I can still respect your perspective. More power to you.
I'm assuming your woman views things the same way as you, so try this... just for the hell of it.
Propose to her and see how she reacts.
I wish I could get my ex wife to stop using my last name...
lmao
okay... admittedly, there are downsides.
I don't care, I will take my boyfriend name when we or if we get married.
It doesn't matter to me, really. She still your wife, whether she keeps her maiden name or not.
Is she really though?
Yeah, I think that's fair. I don't think it's that big of an issue. I think it's simpler.
The woman should always take the husband's name because the woman belongs to the man.
i assume you're trolling...
in the unlikely case that you're not trolling... marriage isn't a property issue.
Her choice at the end of the day. I would not change my name to her's, so I would not expect her to change her name to mine, unless she wanted to.
If I wanted to marry her, then I really wouldn't care either way.
This is true. If you love her enough to marry her, you probably won't let that be a deal breaker.
"I would not change my name to her's, so I would not expect her to change her name to mine,"
The only counter to that is, that's it's tradition... so take it for what it's worth.
But I agree mostly. If she takes your name, and she doesn't want to, then that takes away from the gesture.
In my country, traditionally we keep our names...
May I ask which country?
@Oram52 Georgia Caucasia
Does that mean if you grew up in Italy, you'd never ask your future wife to take your name?
I know little about Italy. By the context of your opinion, it sounds like Italian brides don't change their names.
No. If I grew up in a place where name changing wasn't a thing, then I doubt I'd consider it at all.
They don't.
I always said I would never give up my last name. I will add another last name but I will not part with mine.