There is a huge difference between a female carrying a few extra pounds and getting morbidly obese. I know men get fat, but the question is about females. This is how I look at it. Life can sometimes suck. Childbirth or losing a job can really do a job on a female going forward. This is where a husband should be proactive. There are things a husband can do to make it easier for his wife to lose weight and keep it off. I will do what I can to keep her engaged in taking care of her body. However, I WILL not just sit and watch her harm herself. So, YES I can see me walking away. I won't like doing it, but I WILL NOT sit back helpless and watch her kill herself.
If she did that, that would mean she easily gave up on herself, which would mean when the going gets tough for us as relationships often do, what does that mean when that happens. It’s not the “she’s fat” part that bothers me, it’s the fact should would stop doing the things that kept her healthy and in shape. And let herself go. That’s a problem. Effort energy and enthusiasm are everything when it comes to life. However, you question was, would I leave. If she decided that she wasn’t going to work on it after we discuss it and everything. Yeah, probably. I can’t stay with someone that’s going to be super lazy in important parts of life
Lol unless there is a serious medical condition which is 99.9% of the time. Yes everyone can lose weight. It’s either diet (they are eating too much and the wrong stuff) or exercise (they aren’t active enough, like vigorously active enough) or a combination of the two. I have seen people that thought that same way, do something different in one of those two ways, or learn how to cope with stress. And drop weight like nothing. That’s a myth, it take steps and an approach a lot of people don’t even want to explore.
I wouldn't leave if he gained a normal and reasonable amount of weight and still remained functional but I wouldn't be happy if he got big enough to participate in 600lbs life.
That said, if I gained weight I'd want my partner to either be supportive in me losing weight (healthy food, encourage exercise), shut up about it (I'd know that I'm fat) or leave.
No I would not leave her. I have morals and real love unlike... Some people. I even love the trolls on this site. I love you Apple. I love all the degenerates on here I feel more bad for them
Yeah I've noticed you get a little angry sometimes but I think its more that your just very passionate about your opinions on here and that is completely okay
This site is a echo chamber. I try and follow everyone that does not fit into one little box. I don't always agree with them but dang at least I can have noraml conversations with them in private chats without trolls getting into the comments saying a bunch of dumb shit
Hope I explain this properly lol... if the only thing was her gaining weight, I'd stay - but it would be challenging to stay if her getting fat resulted in her never or rarely wanting to do active things or go out or go on trips or be fun etc... hope that makes sense :)
I hope my future husband still finds me attractive if I gain a few, if he gain a few pounds I'd still love him and find him sexy. Bodies change as one gets married, have kids, and settle down.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
1 y
Bodies change as you get older. Women AND men can get fat. Men in particular start balding too. Would I leave my partner if he was balding and gained a bit of weight? No. I think I would only leave my partner if he became obese like americans, to the point where he can’t wash himself or walk without a stroller/walking stick, and refused to change diet.
For someone like me, it's just different 'cause I find interest in people for the way they think not how they look. That is where most people and especially the coming of age where technology has advanced and the world of social media has influenced many people.
If I was to leave someone because they gained enough to be overweight or obese I would not have gotten with my girlfriend. The reason is because my girlfriend was a big woman before I got with her and still is. To me physically she is pulchritudinous and a turn on.
Would you be OK if your husband lost all his money and was OK with it? Would you love him then? This is basically how you sound right now. No sense of logic whatsoever. Yes, I would still love her, but I have enough self-respect and dignity to not want to associate with anyone who settles for mediocrity. If she is OK with her weight, I'd rather get a divorce.
And that's how I know you're lying. Financial issues is the 3rd leading cause for divorce. You say one thing, but you will leave him in a heartbeat if he turns into a bum, which is fine. However, don't you ever think of shaming men who would do the same thing if their wives decided that their comfort is more important to them than their health and their significant other's happiness.
That would be the last resort, yes. If I got with her when she was in great shape and she decided to slack off and no matter how much I tried to motivate her to get back on track, I'll leave. Not only will the attraction be lost, but it is also a clear red flag of her taking the easy and lazy road in life. And that won't fly with me.
@Apple1996 You mean the road of being productive and healthy? Plenty of people want that because they got drive, self-respect, ambitions and most of all care about their health. And the funny thing is, this road is actually the EASIER road in the long run. Easier when it comes to self-image. Easier in terms of health and not having to deal with appointments and pill trying to reverse the declining health. And easier in having discipline that can be extended to other areas in life.
@TenderFantasy Yes, I'm 24. Not a 14 year old. I'm a 24 year old with enough experience & knowledge in both dating and in life to know what I want and should or shouldn't tolerate. One of the reasons why they took me in as an Officer at the Air Force.
That's good they took you in for the Military. That's something to be proud of but I am older than you and I KNOW that people in the Military are usually biased. They pick the ones that are usually tall, A MAN (usually), with maybe a good physique. I wasn't interested in joining the Military at your age because I was too busy going to college, finding a job and finding Mr. Right.
Back to the subject of weight. People can't always help their weight. That could be a genetic issue (hypothyroidism or diabeties, etc.) or a mental issue (Bullimia or anorexia, etc.). Also, as I said in my answer, they could have just given birth too. AGE slows down your metabolism. You're not going to have the same metabolism (how fast your body converts food into energy for immediate use) as you did at 25 vs 45 and up. It's just a fact of life. You'd be lucky to have the genetics that may SLOW that but eventually, especially when you get to Middle Ages, with stresses like job stress, the stress of raising teenagers/children, the spouse and house stresses, the death of a pet, or a parent, etc. type of stress, you would HOPE for a partner to have your back in those types of events/situations!
@TenderFantasy They pick us because we know exactly what we want and we stand by them. They don’t want people who aren’t straight forward and uncertain. Especially not in leading roles. You being older is not synonymous with immediately knowing better. You may have more experience in being a live, but that doesn’t mean you’re more experienced in areas someone younger has been indulging in. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but 24 year olds are adults and are out there taking responsibility in the world. Sur enot all, but a person like myself who managed to get accepted in the Air Force academy is not your average 24 year old. When it comes to the overweight thing. No, not every person can help it. If it truly is medical related. But most people CAN help it. They are just too lazy or give into temptation too quickly and thus they are where they are now. If you don’t have any medical conditions and are able bodied, you have no right to complain about “not being able to help it”. Age slows metabolism, but that doesn’t mean you cannot lose it. If you come to the Netherlands, you will see many of our elderly in good shape as they made it a habit all their lives to move and eat healthy. You will often find them riding bicycles. Also our food is cleaner in comparison to American food so that’s something you have to work around.
@Apple1996 Says the overweight person who claims working out as a mom is bad. Tell me that you know nothing about the Air Force without telling me you know nothing about the Air Force, let alone being a fighter pilot
My dad was in the airforce so I know a lot about it. My husband is army so I know a little more about that tbh. And have you ever seen me? I'm not overweight, maybe thick cause of breastfeeding but barely
@Apple1996 Seems liek you actually don't know anything about it. But then again it depends on your definition of "lazy". Being an Air Force officer requires much more brain power both in air and on ground. It also brings risks and requires great self-control on both physical and mental level. Flying a fighter jet is not something your average person can or is allowed to do. Just being able to get past through the application is very hard. At least where I'm from.
@Sarahr123 Babies don't fly multi million dollar jets and lead entire squadrons. Babies also don't pay taxes and are able to drink. Babies also don't go to jail when they do something bad. Babies aren't allowed to own guns. But hey, suit yourself if you think a 40 year old would miraculously have more nowledge on every topic in life simply by breathing longer, baby ;)
@TruthBringer I agree with you on the age thing here. Being in your 20s someone can still have a lot of knowledge maybe not necessarily the wisdom/experince like old people do but for sure doesn't mean we are babies. Maybe I'm wrong and when I'm 40 ill see things differently tho so who knows
@Apple1996 You're right. A 20 year old is no baby but generally a 40 year old has lived and experienced more. People think that automatically makes the 40 year old right or more knowledgable but that's not always the case. Especially in today's digital age and information, younger generations are starting to become more sophisticated in terms of knowledge compared to the older generations. Which isn't a surprise considering we are living in the digital age where there is more information than ever before with much easier access to it. But yeah, lots of 20 year olds are still stupid and make stupid decisions. But to call someone a baby and resort to ageism rather than actually address any points doesn't invalidate anything that "baby" said. I've seen younger people (or "bAbIeS as other fool would call them) blow older people out of the water in debates because they are simply much better informed.
Woah this got long quick lol. Yeah, I was talking about in a general sense that older people IN GENERAL know better. They've simply LIVED longer and that can definitely count for a lot. If someone young (20's) want to state they know BETTER than someone who is 40, I would probably laugh, if not in their face, then in my mind! Come on. there's GOT to be a trade off for living that long and acquiring a lot of knowledge and wisdom! Yes, honestly, I think your pride is just hurt truth be told, but in the general sense, it IS true that older people know more and know how to live life more if you think about it! They've had time to make their mistakes and learn from them. They know better what not to do in order to avoid things. Some people in their 20s are STILL immature and think they are invincible. I really don't like the arrogant ones either that think they know more or are better for some reason. It's hurtful! Not to mention disrespectful to the older person! You and an older person can simply not be in the same level, just admit it! Where you guys DO win is biology, you will generally be "healthier" (have more muscle mass, be more fertile, better metabolism, less chance of dissease and cancer, etc, etc.) than a 40 or 50 year old!
There's always trade off to things. I don't know why it's so hard for you to accept a simple life truth!..
would really depend as to how much weight they put on, why they put it on, what caused them to put it on and how fast they put it on. also if they would consider trying to lose some or most of it in the future if able.
when I first started dating my ex she was roughly 175 pounds and 5'10" tall. yet most of her weight was evenly spread out over her body so she didn't look that heavy. however over roughly 5 years of dating she nearly doubled in weight to over 300 pounds. because she just didn't want to put in the effort to maintain herself over time. I tried to help her by offering to make healthier meals, go on walks and/or come to the gym with me but she refused. to my knowledge she didn't have any healthy issues or medicine that caused her to gain that much weight. but as time went on we drifted apart from each other and ultimately broke up.
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Opinion Owner
1 y
simple answer is I don't plan to get married so if my partner gained an unhealthy amount of weight. I'd likely lose interest in them over time.
No. I'd only leave her if she was a criminal, cheating on me, abusive, or I found out she was queer/not-straight (which is really just the second and third thing I already said).
Hell no I am chubby already and I plan to get a chisled body lol but if she ever got overweight that wouldn't change anything for me lol because I love her for her if she's chubby I mean hey whatever man she's still the same beautiful woman I've fallen in love with ❤️
I will never hold a girlfriend or wife to higher standards than I hold myself. But I would encourage her to exercise with me and eat healthy. I would lead by example.
But honestly if I put in the effort to stay in shape while she goes on cruise control; is that fair?
I know this guy who's married to a hideous fat fuck of a woman (bless her heart). And he's a great guy, and he's rich and popular and very influential. He could have anyone he wants.
But he stays with her, because he's a Christian.
And he is very accommodating to her. And he never calls her out on her shit. Again, because he's a Christian.
I would not allow them to get past being slim. If I came into the relationship with them being fit and muscular I expect that to be ongoing and not something they lose once they get too "comfortable" in the relationship as it goes on. Not about that life
I’d never marry under the current system. Exactly because of this kind of situation. Ideally, i should be able to offer for her to join me on my workouts. But she could just choose to continue to disrespect herself and me and in marriage i take it or she takes everything from me. On the other hand, the US has mostly ignored common law marriage for several decades. So if we don’t marry, when my attempts to be kind and helpful are ignored or met with hostility, i am actually free to leave!
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
141Opinion
There is a huge difference between a female carrying a few extra pounds and getting morbidly obese. I know men get fat, but the question is about females. This is how I look at it. Life can sometimes suck. Childbirth or losing a job can really do a job on a female going forward. This is where a husband should be proactive. There are things a husband can do to make it easier for his wife to lose weight and keep it off. I will do what I can to keep her engaged in taking care of her body. However, I WILL not just sit and watch her harm herself. So, YES I can see me walking away. I won't like doing it, but I WILL NOT sit back helpless and watch her kill herself.
If she did that, that would mean she easily gave up on herself, which would mean when the going gets tough for us as relationships often do, what does that mean when that happens. It’s not the “she’s fat” part that bothers me, it’s the fact should would stop doing the things that kept her healthy and in shape. And let herself go. That’s a problem. Effort energy and enthusiasm are everything when it comes to life. However, you question was, would I leave. If she decided that she wasn’t going to work on it after we discuss it and everything. Yeah, probably. I can’t stay with someone that’s going to be super lazy in important parts of life
Gaining weight doesn't mean a person gives up on thereself. Some still workout just can't lose the weight due to other problems
Lol unless there is a serious medical condition which is 99.9% of the time. Yes everyone can lose weight. It’s either diet (they are eating too much and the wrong stuff) or exercise (they aren’t active enough, like vigorously active enough) or a combination of the two. I have seen people that thought that same way, do something different in one of those two ways, or learn how to cope with stress. And drop weight like nothing. That’s a myth, it take steps and an approach a lot of people don’t even want to explore.
I wouldn't leave if he gained a normal and reasonable amount of weight and still remained functional but I wouldn't be happy if he got big enough to participate in 600lbs life.
That said, if I gained weight I'd want my partner to either be supportive in me losing weight (healthy food, encourage exercise), shut up about it (I'd know that I'm fat) or leave.
No I would not leave her. I have morals and real love unlike... Some people. I even love the trolls on this site. I love you Apple. I love all the degenerates on here I feel more bad for them
Awhh soo sweet you give everyone some love💓
I have to work to get there... I get pretty angry. I know they don't love me. But I can love them
Yeah I've noticed you get a little angry sometimes but I think its more that your just very passionate about your opinions on here and that is completely okay
I think you're right!
This site is a echo chamber. I try and follow everyone that does not fit into one little box. I don't always agree with them but dang at least I can have noraml conversations with them in private chats without trolls getting into the comments saying a bunch of dumb shit
Yeah in PM everyone is a lot different then how they act when they post opinions out in the open here
Hope I explain this properly lol... if the only thing was her gaining weight, I'd stay - but it would be challenging to stay if her getting fat resulted in her never or rarely wanting to do active things or go out or go on trips or be fun etc... hope that makes sense :)
I hope my future husband still finds me attractive if I gain a few, if he gain a few pounds I'd still love him and find him sexy. Bodies change as one gets married, have kids, and settle down.
Bodies change as you get older. Women AND men can get fat. Men in particular start balding too. Would I leave my partner if he was balding and gained a bit of weight? No. I think I would only leave my partner if he became obese like americans, to the point where he can’t wash himself or walk without a stroller/walking stick, and refused to change diet.
Is that how big you think most Americans are? 🤣
For someone like me, it's just different 'cause I find interest in people for the way they think not how they look. That is where most people and especially the coming of age where technology has advanced and the world of social media has influenced many people.
If I was to leave someone because they gained enough to be overweight or obese I would not have gotten with my girlfriend. The reason is because my girlfriend was a big woman before I got with her and still is. To me physically she is pulchritudinous and a turn on.
Would you be OK if your husband lost all his money and was OK with it? Would you love him then? This is basically how you sound right now. No sense of logic whatsoever. Yes, I would still love her, but I have enough self-respect and dignity to not want to associate with anyone who settles for mediocrity. If she is OK with her weight, I'd rather get a divorce.
I got with my husband when he had no money so if he lost it all yeah I'd stayed. I'm not with someone for their money/looks
No, that's not what I said. If he lost it and decided he was OK with being a bum, would you stay?
Yess of course I'd stay even if he was a bum
And that's how I know you're lying. Financial issues is the 3rd leading cause for divorce. You say one thing, but you will leave him in a heartbeat if he turns into a bum, which is fine. However, don't you ever think of shaming men who would do the same thing if their wives decided that their comfort is more important to them than their health and their significant other's happiness.
That would be the last resort, yes. If I got with her when she was in great shape and she decided to slack off and no matter how much I tried to motivate her to get back on track, I'll leave. Not only will the attraction be lost, but it is also a clear red flag of her taking the easy and lazy road in life. And that won't fly with me.
Why would someone want to take the difficult way in life tho?
You're 24, so OF COURSE I understand this answer lol.
@Apple1996 You mean the road of being productive and healthy? Plenty of people want that because they got drive, self-respect, ambitions and most of all care about their health. And the funny thing is, this road is actually the EASIER road in the long run. Easier when it comes to self-image. Easier in terms of health and not having to deal with appointments and pill trying to reverse the declining health. And easier in having discipline that can be extended to other areas in life.
@TenderFantasy Yes, I'm 24. Not a 14 year old. I'm a 24 year old with enough experience & knowledge in both dating and in life to know what I want and should or shouldn't tolerate. One of the reasons why they took me in as an Officer at the Air Force.
That's good they took you in for the Military. That's something to be proud of but I am older than you and I KNOW that people in the Military are usually biased. They pick the ones that are usually tall, A MAN (usually), with maybe a good physique. I wasn't interested in joining the Military at your age because I was too busy going to college, finding a job and finding Mr. Right.
Back to the subject of weight. People can't always help their weight. That could be a genetic issue (hypothyroidism or diabeties, etc.) or a mental issue (Bullimia or anorexia, etc.). Also, as I said in my answer, they could have just given birth too. AGE slows down your metabolism. You're not going to have the same metabolism (how fast your body converts food into energy for immediate use) as you did at 25 vs 45 and up. It's just a fact of life. You'd be lucky to have the genetics that may SLOW that but eventually, especially when you get to Middle Ages, with stresses like job stress, the stress of raising teenagers/children, the spouse and house stresses, the death of a pet, or a parent, etc. type of stress, you would HOPE for a partner to have your back in those types of events/situations!
@TenderFantasy They pick us because we know exactly what we want and we stand by them. They don’t want people who aren’t straight forward and uncertain. Especially not in leading roles. You being older is not synonymous with immediately knowing better. You may have more experience in being a live, but that doesn’t mean you’re more experienced in areas someone younger has been indulging in. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but 24 year olds are adults and are out there taking responsibility in the world. Sur enot all, but a person like myself who managed to get accepted in the Air Force academy is not your average 24 year old.
When it comes to the overweight thing. No, not every person can help it. If it truly is medical related. But most people CAN help it. They are just too lazy or give into temptation too quickly and thus they are where they are now. If you don’t have any medical conditions and are able bodied, you have no right to complain about “not being able to help it”.
Age slows metabolism, but that doesn’t mean you cannot lose it. If you come to the Netherlands, you will see many of our elderly in good shape as they made it a habit all their lives to move and eat healthy. You will often find them riding bicycles. Also our food is cleaner in comparison to American food so that’s something you have to work around.
Air force- chair force literally the laziest branch 😂
@Apple1996 Says the overweight person who claims working out as a mom is bad. Tell me that you know nothing about the Air Force without telling me you know nothing about the Air Force, let alone being a fighter pilot
My dad was in the airforce so I know a lot about it. My husband is army so I know a little more about that tbh. And have you ever seen me? I'm not overweight, maybe thick cause of breastfeeding but barely
@Apple1996 Seems liek you actually don't know anything about it. But then again it depends on your definition of "lazy". Being an Air Force officer requires much more brain power both in air and on ground. It also brings risks and requires great self-control on both physical and mental level. Flying a fighter jet is not something your average person can or is allowed to do. Just being able to get past through the application is very hard. At least where I'm from.
You’re a baby you don’t know more about like than a 40-year-old love
@Sarahr123 Babies don't fly multi million dollar jets and lead entire squadrons. Babies also don't pay taxes and are able to drink. Babies also don't go to jail when they do something bad. Babies aren't allowed to own guns. But hey, suit yourself if you think a 40 year old would miraculously have more nowledge on every topic in life simply by breathing longer, baby ;)
@TruthBringer I agree with you on the age thing here. Being in your 20s someone can still have a lot of knowledge maybe not necessarily the wisdom/experince like old people do but for sure doesn't mean we are babies. Maybe I'm wrong and when I'm 40 ill see things differently tho so who knows
@Apple1996 You're right. A 20 year old is no baby but generally a 40 year old has lived and experienced more. People think that automatically makes the 40 year old right or more knowledgable but that's not always the case. Especially in today's digital age and information, younger generations are starting to become more sophisticated in terms of knowledge compared to the older generations. Which isn't a surprise considering we are living in the digital age where there is more information than ever before with much easier access to it. But yeah, lots of 20 year olds are still stupid and make stupid decisions. But to call someone a baby and resort to ageism rather than actually address any points doesn't invalidate anything that "baby" said. I've seen younger people (or "bAbIeS as other fool would call them) blow older people out of the water in debates because they are simply much better informed.
Woah this got long quick lol. Yeah, I was talking about in a general sense that older people IN GENERAL know better. They've simply LIVED longer and that can definitely count for a lot. If someone young (20's) want to state they know BETTER than someone who is 40, I would probably laugh, if not in their face, then in my mind! Come on. there's GOT to be a trade off for living that long and acquiring a lot of knowledge and wisdom! Yes, honestly, I think your pride is just hurt truth be told, but in the general sense, it IS true that older people know more and know how to live life more if you think about it! They've had time to make their mistakes and learn from them. They know better what not to do in order to avoid things. Some people in their 20s are STILL immature and think they are invincible. I really don't like the arrogant ones either that think they know more or are better for some reason. It's hurtful! Not to mention disrespectful to the older person! You and an older person can simply not be in the same level, just admit it! Where you guys DO win is biology, you will generally be "healthier" (have more muscle mass, be more fertile, better metabolism, less chance of dissease and cancer, etc, etc.) than a 40 or 50 year old!
There's always trade off to things. I don't know why it's so hard for you to accept a simple life truth!..
@TenderFantasy You're basically repeating what I've been saying. Clearly you haven't read my last reply to Apple.
would really depend as to how much weight they put on, why they put it on, what caused them to put it on and how fast they put it on. also if they would consider trying to lose some or most of it in the future if able.
when I first started dating my ex she was roughly 175 pounds and 5'10" tall. yet most of her weight was evenly spread out over her body so she didn't look that heavy. however over roughly 5 years of dating she nearly doubled in weight to over 300 pounds. because she just didn't want to put in the effort to maintain herself over time. I tried to help her by offering to make healthier meals, go on walks and/or come to the gym with me but she refused. to my knowledge she didn't have any healthy issues or medicine that caused her to gain that much weight. but as time went on we drifted apart from each other and ultimately broke up.
simple answer is I don't plan to get married so if my partner gained an unhealthy amount of weight. I'd likely lose interest in them over time.
No. I'd only leave her if she was a criminal, cheating on me, abusive, or I found out she was queer/not-straight (which is really just the second and third thing I already said).
My "wife" left ME because she was fucking GREEDY!! She was ALREADY a bit of a chub when I met her and I still stuck by her for 10 years!
Sucks she left but maybe was for the best
Only because I found I couldn't trust her anymorre.
Hell no I am chubby already and I plan to get a chisled body lol but if she ever got overweight that wouldn't change anything for me lol because I love her for her if she's chubby I mean hey whatever man she's still the same beautiful woman I've fallen in love with ❤️
I will never hold a girlfriend or wife to higher standards than I hold myself. But I would encourage her to exercise with me and eat healthy. I would lead by example.
But honestly if I put in the effort to stay in shape while she goes on cruise control; is that fair?
Of course I wouldn't leave her!!
But I wouldn't SAY that. Because I don't want her to feel too comfortable. Lol
Awh no wouldn't you want your wife to know you'd never leave?
@Apple1996 There's a difference between being secure and being complacent.
And your update just backs up my point.
I know this guy who's married to a hideous fat fuck of a woman (bless her heart). And he's a great guy, and he's rich and popular and very influential. He could have anyone he wants.
But he stays with her, because he's a Christian.
And he is very accommodating to her. And he never calls her out on her shit.
Again, because he's a Christian.
It's fucking sad.
She's abusing the system.
He probably stays cuz he loves her lol
@Apple1996 Who knows? Lol
I cannot handle Obese!
She needs to be near her BMI..
and Illness is an exception, and fitness is priority..
If she is, on her fitness according to BMI..
But like she doesn't has a leg and is overweight looking than its deal breakee
Bmi isn't accurate for everyone especially if they are really tall or really short
I would not allow them to get past being slim. If I came into the relationship with them being fit and muscular I expect that to be ongoing and not something they lose once they get too "comfortable" in the relationship as it goes on. Not about that life
I’d never marry under the current system. Exactly because of this kind of situation. Ideally, i should be able to offer for her to join me on my workouts. But she could just choose to continue to disrespect herself and me and in marriage i take it or she takes everything from me. On the other hand, the US has mostly ignored common law marriage for several decades. So if we don’t marry, when my attempts to be kind and helpful are ignored or met with hostility, i am actually free to leave!