I'm in a big predicament right now that can ruin my marriage, should I tell my wife?

[Anonymous]

Okay, so there is this girl at work. She is a receptionist and I work for food and beverage/hospitality. We both work the "Family shift" Which is from 9-5 because we have families. From what I heard she is a single mom. I'm happily married and I have a two-year-old son. People consider me a friendly guy. I'm friendly because I work with tourists. So the first time I met her she was friendly and polite. I introduced myself and so did she. After about a week, I, she, and two of my other co-workers were in the break room having lunch. So we were just talking and one of my co-workers asked what I was doing for my wife's birthday. So when I was done telling him what I planned on doing, she asked "Wow I didn't know you were married" and her whole body language changed. This confused me because I wear my wedding ring 24/7, I have a picture with my wife and son on my phone case and a picture with them in my car hanging from my rare-view mirror. I let it slide and still treated her with respect just like my other coworkers. This is where it gets stressful. Last month, the hotel changed its policy where I had to give the receptionist (every day) menus for the guest. So, I did that. But I made the biggest mistake of my life. So I go over there one morning and I hand her over the receipts. We had a polite conversation and then she said "can I catch a ride with you home today please, my car is in the shop and I don't have money for a cab" So I offered to pay for the cab because I already know where that would I take me if I offered her a ride. She declined "By saying I can't take your money, just give me a ride please?" to me, it seemed like she needed the help so I said okay. Even though I didn't want to and I felt guilty for not telling my wife. I didn't think of it at the time, because I didn't even think of it like that. Read the update below for more (Running out of words)

Updates

1 y

So many thoughts were going through my head like "What if people see us and think the wrong way" "What If my wife finds out". As I was dropping her off she starts telling me how she wants me and how I'm a good husband and how bad she wants me and how my wife doesn't have to know. I tell her to get the hell out of my car. I got so angry at the fact that I went out of my car and opened her door and told her to get out. I feel so guilty for not telling my wife. I want to tell HR but that would

Updates

1 y

everywhere like water. I don't wanna lose my wife, what should I do? I'm stressed!

[AmandaYVR]

What exactly are you guilty of here? By your description, you never flirted, were never interested, and you only gave her a ride to help her out.

Your vague suspicions turned out to be right - she was interested. But you told her no, and stopped the advances.

I don't know if you should tell your wife or not - that's entirely up to you - but you do not have to feel guilty. Right?

If anyone saw, and asked, or gossiped, you could very easily put it to rest and say about the broken down car and it was just doing her a favour.

Not everyone needs to know everything. This girl is in the wrong, but no one else is. Why involve the authorities? If she continues to make advances and make problems working with you, then maybe yes, tell HR or a manager about it. It would be sexual harassment at that point. But workplaces are active and challenging places, and ideally the people involved handle it discreetly. If you tell your wife, she will likely feel hurt, mad, upset, and does she really need to know this, that there are women out there like this? Manage the situation. Handle it. In fact, you already have been firm. That should be the end of it.

[Asker]

After the situation with the car, I avoid her. If she is in the lunch room I don't go, I eat somewhere else. When It's time for me to give the menus I either give them to the other receptionist and If they are not there and just leave them and hope that she finds them. This is one of the reasons why I hate being friendly sometimes and I could see what my wife says. My friendliness can be confused with me flirting. And by being friendly I mean just being polite and not taking it too far and being forward. By me smiling a girl can easily mistake it for me having feelings for her. When in reality I'm just being polite. I think that's what went wrong here. By me being nice and polite she thought I was being flirty and or being nice to her because I have feelings for her. Even though I distance myself from her, she still finds some ways to either talk to me or be around me-

[Asker]

Like last week we had a meeting there was an empty chair on the side of me and she sat next to me when there were a billion other seats left. Yesterday whe had a meeting and I decided to stand in the back, and guess what? She stood on the side of me. Im getting sick and tired of it.

[AmandaYVR]

Initially this could have been just a misunderstanding. But clearly she knows how you feel and she is ignoring that. So you are not at fault here. If you wrote this, as some people do, to be relieved of any guilt but you did not paint an accurate picture of all events, then that would be one thing. But if you are being honest, you are not on the hook here. Yes, you're now in a very uncomfortable work situation, but she sounds like she knows, and knew, the situation all along. Ice her out. That's it. If she persists, does anything more direct, tell the authorities, but it hasn't come to that yet.

[jennifer_bloom]

File harassment charges against her and get her in trouble with Human Resources because if you do this, you will send a strong message to your wife that you did not encourage her advances, if your a manager, you could say she was trying to get promoted without doing her job properly.

[Asker]

I do agree, I will definitely tell HR. However, if it does make my wife feel upset, what should I do? Because my wife is the type to leave in a situation like this.

[SiberFox]

Tell your wife, I doubt anything bas will come of it. You didn't do anything wrong. You can even tell her that you learned to either ask or contact her before helping another woman.

[LazerBean]

You should not be taking people of the opposite gender in your car without your spouses approval or knowledge. Did you tell your wife about the birthday thing at least? Best thing you can do is come clean now and hope for the best.

[Asker]

I understand that and I do regret it so bad. I can't tell her because it's a surprise birthday dinner. I would try my best to come clean because I really need to. Thank you

[yucychan]

I don't understand why would you lose your wife. Because in the first place, you did not do anything wrong, you didn't cheat on her. You rejected your colleague's advances.
Do you mean your wife is so strict with you that if it was any other female colleagues or friends, you are not allowed to give them rides in your car?

[Asker]

yes, my wife is not fond of me magically having female friends that she doesn't know about. She's okay if she knows them, but if it's a secret or it kinda "swept under the rugs" then that's a huge noo

[yucychan]

@Asker
Ok. If it is affecting you so much and making you feel so guilty, I feel you should tell. And then just apologize sincerely for not telling her. Whatever has happened has happened. I think it is worst if you don't tell her and then she found out by herself. And please inform HR on that colleague of yours. I think she is very obnoxious and disrespectful.

[MORPHEUS_12]

If it continues after you have turned down her advances repeatedly you need to high tail it to HR.

[Anonymous]

you didn't even do anything but drive her to her house and drop her off. chill out dude! jesus. yeah tell HR and tell your wife this chick is doing this. maybe even try to find a new job.