How long should you date until marriage (no sex)?

Question

Guys I am waiting to have sex until marriage.

I think it's reasonable to date for about a year before marriage because you really get to know the person.

Of course it's hard to have no sex, but I think it's worth it if we both focus on the bigger picture. And we can satisfy each other in other ways.

I wonder how guys feel about this... it's a little traumatising because I am a virgin and my ex who had a lot of sex, was really pushy on getting married a few months into the relationship, partly because it was hard for him.

What do you guys think and how long can you go if you think you found the one?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

if someone won’t wait for you then they don’t deserve you 💘 everyone has different standards. it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person if they don’t want to wait for sex. but if waiting till marriage is important to you then you should never settle for less. find someone who feels the same way. i’m in the same boat as you. i’m waiting till marriage. it’s a personal choice. for many many reasons, but most importantly i want the person i marry to see me as more than just a body. someone who’s willing to wait for me, to me means that they value who i am on the inside and are making a conscious choice to stay by my side because they want to be a part of my life. which is the core of successful relationships. i don’t think men generally like women. i don’t think men want to be friends with women. i think men want to have sex with women. it takes a certain kind of man who can see the true value and capacity for love and friendship within a woman. and vise versa, it definitely goes both ways. i think sex is important and beautiful and amazing but i am confident that i don’t need to explore that with anyone except for the person who loves and values me the most. sex before marriage to me is not an expression of love but rather an expression of self satisfaction and while i agree it’s important to have that in life and sex is meant for our own gratification as well, i desire to experience that with someone who is willing to show me that they prioritize my gratification above their own and i will prioritize theirs over my own. and waiting till marriage is the only way to do that for me. if anyone wanted to have sex with me before they were able to make a serious commitment to me then i would never know if i could trust that they love me or just love having sex with me. that’s just my personal opinion. as far as how long of a time is it appropriate to wait, 1 year is probably safe. i know people who wait for marriage to have sex and rush into marriage because they don’t want to wait anymore and then that defeats the purpose. really get to know someone, get to know their family, analyze their communication and attachment styles, get to know them inside and out, imagine a life together and if you could meat each others needs. once you have done all of that you should know. there isn’t really a minimum or max amount of time, it will vary from person to person. as long as you are using your best judgement you will be fine. and believe it or not, waiting for marriage to have sex and to move in together statistically leads to a more successful marriage. i know people who lived together for nearly decades that never married and eventually broke up. i know people who waited for sex, married after 6 months, and are leading happy and lovely lives. that’s not always the case. but whatever you do just stay true to yourself 💘

EmyyWolf · Accepted Answer

Dude.. that is so stupid.  No offense.. and not to insult your religious beliefs. But you could die tomorrow and he never had intimacy with you. He could die tomorrow and you never had intimacy with him. It’s r—arded  Seriously. This is the reason most marriages fail. Keep in mind that marriage was created by controlling men, not women. It was created by males. And also keep in mind that ALL RELIGIONS are were created to separate us all. I as a conspiracy theorist have discovered this. Those religious symbols you see on your everyday life. Like these ✝️☦️☪️ and so on. ARE NOT about Christ or any other God of any other practice.  Im gonna tell you truth right now and you better listen. Those are symbols of the old world. A hidden history unknown to mankind. Those symbols are to identify different metals and different electromagnetic 🧲 devices. Cathedrals of the old word that were used to harness free energy. So please give it to your boyfriend because life is short and religions are fake 😑

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

"How long should you date until marriage (no sex)?" You should date long enough that you have had a few disagreements. When people get frustrated or angry, they tend to drop all the facades and you see their true self emerge. Do they call you names, bring up trivial matters from the past, give you the silent treatment for three days, or just ask for time out to cool off and then talk?

"Guys I am waiting to have sex until marriage." SOME guys will be glad to met a girl with that attitude. But many guys won't even ask for a first date if they know that.

"Of course it's hard to have no sex, but I think it's worth it if we both focus on the bigger picture. And we can satisfy each other in other ways." If you are taking about sexual things other than PIV sex, that might satisfy some guys.

"I wonder how guys feel about this... it's a little traumatising because I am a virgin and my ex who had a lot of sex, was really pushy on getting married a few months into the relationship, partly because it was hard for him." Getting married just because you want sex would be REALLY, REALLY stupid!!

"What do you guys think and how long can you go if you think you found the one?" One year would probably be the limit for me.

OfMiceandMen · Accepted Answer

I would have been fine with that scenario, when I was your age. I could wait a year easily, if I thought she was the one. It would be worth the wait.

Getting married is a huge commitment, (possibly 50 or more years) so what is one year of your life, to make absolutely sure you are compatible with that person.

Seems like a small price to pay...

motownplayer2000 · Answer

First off, if no sex is on the table. That would mean there should be no temptation on the table either. So that means no kissing, touching of any sexual intent. Hugs to the bare minimum, no talk that can be deemed sexual in any way shape or form. So you are responsible for making sure that doesn’t happen.

Secondly, a minimum of 4 to 5 years is what’s needed to actually adequately get to know someone well enough to get married. Any less it has a significant higher chance of marriage not ending well. Studies have show.

I can’t say it’s noble or anything to wait until marriage. Because I’ve known people that waited until marriage for sex and broke up shortly afterwards because it wasn’t what they dreamed it would be. As much as you may not think it. Sex is the glue part of the glue that holds a relationship between romantic couples together. The initial sex is awful the very first time. But can get better but usually if you are a virgin and you marry someone who isn’t, you will have to be extremely open minded to be able to keep him around and women think that they would be open minded until they are asked to do something… so just keep that in mind.. good luck.

RavVid · Answer

You could say most men mostly fail the marshmallow test. That is the emotional intelligence test where a tester puts a marshmallow in front of a child and the tester says s/he can eat it after they leave the room but if they wait till the tester comes back then they'll get an extra marshmallow as a reward. Most kids scoff the marshmallow immediately but some hang on and resist the temptation.

Supposedly those who hang on show better results in longitudinal studies.

It is an interesting equivalent here. Most men would be very happy to get sex on the first date but then they don't get what they want in terms of a female who is likely to be loyal. And perhaps they are demonstrating they value you and have the EI to do well financially.

Not sure how long I could last as I haven't had to in my life. Probably I could go a year but there will be the time for wedding organizing so is it another six months on top?

Does no sex mean no dry humping, no hand jobs, no blow jobs or will you relax to the degree of it being OK if you can keep your Lululemons on? I could do it then.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

If i find the one, as you said, i'll focusnon the bigger picture because that's what lasts and sex ain't everything, it's just an important part and not the whole relationship...

I have no specific time for sex, when we get married than it will happen, no matter how long it takes, i'm 37 😄

Personally i look to a lot of things before sex, for example i want a woman who truly loves me, cares about me and makes me happy, all these comes before sex!

Any woman can give me sex but just a few can make me happy...

Also a woman who is honest, faithfull and willing to die to keep her promises...

A marriage where it lasts forever, not because it's only meant to last forever but because she's willing to do anything to keep it forever because that her basic faith and belief!

msc545 · Answer

Can you actually find someone willing to marry you without first having sex with you? If you can - I would suggest you not marry that person as there is something quite wrong with him.

Even if that is not the case, it is of some concern that you are willing to marry a man under these conditions, since you may find yourself married to a man who cannot or will not satisfy you sexually, which is a blueprint for infidelity at minimum and eventual divorce or worse at maximum.

Stop romantizing virginity, and start living in reality.

razelove · Answer

Well, that isn't my style personally. Everyone is different though. Like typically I have sex by the second date or I'm not pursuing with any hope of romance or intimacy. Maybe if they bring other benefits. I dated one girl I didn't have sex with simply because she cooked really well very often.

It isn't anything against women who don't put out, but more so that there are so many other women who will put out that there's no need for me to hold out at all. It's like if there is only one safe I would need to be patient to crack it, but given that one locked safe in a hallway full of open ones... it seems a little novel, but not necessary at all.

richardcory · Answer

Hmm, I'm afraid I think no sex before marriage is a bad idea in general. The problem is that once you are married - what if you find out you are not sexually compatible? Divorce? Live the rest of your lives with one or both of you feeling rejected, or pressured to do things you don't like?

Talking about it first isn't good enough - many people think there are sexual things they will enjoy, but discover they don't. This is especially true if they have not had sex before.

I think sex IS the bigger picture.

MaddyAsks · Answer

I think it more when you know you are ready to spend the rest of your like with him. When you know that without a doubt your life will be better with him and that you cannot live without him. Then of course once you get engaged it matter of timing (I want a fall wedding), costs, guests, etc. And of course he has to ask my father for my hand in marriage as well. At least that is my take on it.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

To each is own & every couple & individuals are different. Some couples get married after a few year & some couples get married after a few days. As for me I’ll pass on marriage & pass up a relationship with a girl who want to wait until marriage to have sex. Test driving a vehicle before you buy it is always a good thing & if you wait until marriage to have sex & the sex sucks or you don’t have enough of it hello cheating & divorce & hopefully prenup was in place.

RealMarek · Answer

As long as it takes for you to be confident about making a permanent commitment with a man. There are never guarantees in life, but you want to see enough consistency and have enough experience with him to be confident that he will treat you well, be a good father, be faithful, and that the two of you can be a source of strength for each other during difficult times. It’s tricky, because it can be very tempting, but gradually increasing physical involvement and eventually discussing what you desire sexually is a good idea because really, there is no other way to have a clue about how compatible you will be sexually otherwise. But I think if the relationship is strong, there are no red flags, you feel chemistry with a man, and he is generous toward you, it would be unusual for the sex to not end up being satisfying.

TheIrishWolf · Answer

I don't get the whole marraige thing, but I do respect your beliefs. I like the thought of an untouched woman.

I think you need to be together for a couple years before you decide to get married. You really need to know the person. Marriage is a long commitment.

Anonymous · Answer

I often wonder just what people who decide sex is off the table expect their partners to do.

Are they allowed other sex partners for example? How intimate can you be with someone who is loved but not a sex partner? Kinda unfair and a tease in a way.

However. The time before marriage is about understanding the fundamental views and outlook of one another, negotiating what a long term relationship would look like, and understanding how you both fit into the wider world as a new entity.

If you can do all that with some certainty in six months, go for it. If it takes two years, go for that.

MrHugeD · Answer

I'm 29 and still virgin and waiting until marriage too (I'm Muslim), I can tell that it's damn hard to have no sex :D but yeah i think it worth waiting too.

I think a year or two max is enough before marriage to know each other really well and make sure i found the one :)

Adaeva · Answer

Dating for 6 months before getting married is, in many cases, sufficient. I will not have sex until after I'm married or at least after an announced engagement with the approval of both families.

Girls that have multiple sex partners have lower ability to bond that comes with having sex. That is a primary reason 304's have high divorce rates.

LazerBean · Answer

We dated for about a year before getting engaged. When there is no sexual stuff to distract you, you can get to know a person way better and see them more clearly. Waiting for marriage was a great decision and I would recommend it to everyone.

Sugar100 · Answer

You are lucky I’ve never met a guy that says he wants get married after few months 😓😓

that’s why I’ll never be married no guy says let’s get married as he can’t resist not having sex you are living a perfect life

Danny_dan92 · Answer

I don’t necessarily put a time on it.

What I do think is it goes in stages. Talking phase, dating phase, relationship phase, living together phase, then marriage.

If the goal is getting married all those steps must happen before. Because if throughout all those phases you both know you’re compatible it’ll greatly reduce the chances of a failed marriage/divorce.

AimeeKyle · Answer

I admire your perseverance/goal but that is not something I could do. I would need to see if I am compatible in every way before marriage. With that said, if you meet the right person, it could be possible…. A year does sound reasonable but I wouldn’t put a timeline to it. You will both know when and if it is time.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

I think a year is a little short. Ideally, I'd say 2 or 3 years.
If I'm completely honest, I think sex is an important part of a relationship, so personally, I would prefer to know how the person was in bed before I married them. I know with my sex drive I would struggle with no sex AT ALL. I think at the very least, she should give him and hand job/foot job and let him suck her toes.

Mark987 · Answer

in my opinion I think having sex before marriage is important... the reason why you need to make sure you're both sexually compatible. If you're waiting for marriage it all depends on you.. maybe 2 years.. but sex is a major factor of marriage... you have to make sure you both know each other physically and mentally

Anonymous · Answer

Well im gonna be fucking the guy im dating but aside from that, we should at least be dating 1-3 years and then if it feels right we move in together, however long that is, but im definitely not marrying a dude before knowing what its like to live with him. I never thought about specific timeline before answering this. I know I’d just see if it feels right.

How long should you date until marriage (no sex)?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How long should you date until marriage (no sex)?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.