What’s more Immoral : Spend your life with a person you don’t love or Leaving them for someone you love?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I was just listening to the reviews of one of Tolstoy’s books.

The main character there is beautiful woman married to a man she never loved, she was repulsed by him but married for some other reasons. (Probably, his money, fame or something else)

Then she met someone, she fell in love with and left the husband.

This woman was titled as Promiscuous Perverted Immoral woman.

And this book was forbidden in lots of countries.

Regarding this topic Tolstoy was confused, he was wondering why did the society deem the woman to be of high moral if she married someone without loving him and then deem the same woman immoral because she left the marriage which was based on lies and chose true love instead.

I am not justifying one or another.

Which one, do you, as a man or a woman, prefer, having someone beautiful stay with you because of your money, status or etc.

Or being with someone because you love her and SHE loves you back?

[VanillaSalt]

Because marriage, regardless the reason you chose it, is a commitment. That means you don’t just end it. If it wasn’t for abuse Ide say divorce should be punishable by imprisonment.


Think about it this way. Should your partner, the one you trust above all else, be able to abandon you in your darkest hour? You wouldn’t like that. There’s many long term commitments we make only inside marriage like commuting to a city or large financial decisions like buying a house or car or children. How can we reliably make these huge decisions that will effect us for decades to come if the futures not at least defended never mind enforced.


I do not agree with single parents. I don’t not support divorce unless a partners a threat to their partner or children. Buyers remorse isn’t a good enough reason for me to accept divorce.


That’s why I don’t support a woman’s right to leave nor do I champion such women. Real partners work together despite difficulties and grow stronger together. If it’s not about forever a relationships enough. You don’t need marriage.

[monorprise]

If marriage were about what you now call "love"(infatuation) then it would need not institutional protection.

Instead real Marriage is about security primary for children therein produced.
As such a woman or marries without infatuation "love" is deemed of high moral character as she is creating a stable relationship for herself and her children and thus not making either a burden to sociality.

A woman who instead chases her feelings of "love" is basically a whore who creates big problems for her children and sociality.

There is really no reason for people to celebrate or even acknowledge how you FEEL, but rather how you interact with them. If how you feel were important to everyone else we would give you drugs.

[provokeesmokee]

in my opinion, it's immoral to continue to be with the man she married if she'll contrite pining after the one she loves.

If she chooses to abandon love for her marriage, that's her choice. But she'll have to work not to let bitterness and resentment lead her life from then on. It is not her husband's fault she chose to marry him or stay with him. However, he can certainly ease her stress by committing to working towards a happier partnership.

If she chooses to leave her husband for love, that's also morally fine. Provided she ends the marriage and moves on. It would become immoral if, without communicating, she cheats on her husband. If her husband is open to letting her dally and likewise is open to dallying himself, then fantastic.

I think in these sorts of stories and thought experiments, we have to remember that social conditions of the author's time will impact what is perceived as moral or immoral.

[monorprise]

@provokeesmokee
Your very focused upon self-pleasure as the point of life, which makes me wonder why you haven't OD on drugs already. After all if self-pleasure were in fact the point of life then drugs are the more reliable way to get it.

If however you want a real relationship to accomplish something like say carry on the chain of life and have some kind of security you need self-control and loyalty. That means you can't go chasing after whatever catches your eye nor let yourself become resentful thinking the grass is greener on the other side.

There is ultimately a time factor to every choice and while without a doubt you could have made a better choice if you had been given the option or the wisdom, you were not and you never had the time to wait for either.

So accept the choices you made and work with them. Never wast your time on what might have been. You really don't know anyway, and even if you did you could never have known.

[provokeesmokee]

Bruh? That sounds a lot more like projection than you think, bud.

You okay?

[VanillaSalt]

Let me ask. You have children with a man and this man treats you right. He bought the house you live in, paid all the bills , you and your children never went without, and he’s a good father… should she be able to Leanne because she don’t love him anymore? Should she be able to be selfish and break up a family for her own selfish desires?

Reverse roles. A woman gave up her career for a man. Have him children. Had sex with him. Gave her first time to him. Was loyal, honest, respectful, and made many sacrifices for her husband and even her family sacrificed for him… Should he be allowed to leave because he found a hot 18 yr old? Are you okay with such a one sided love if yours is the one unrequited?

I believed expectations of commitment are important. Without such expectations why should we put all our eggs in one basket?

[Anonymous]

Firstly she shouldn't have married the person she doesn't love. Secondly I personally choose the person who loves me and whom I love. Like sometimes you might feel low or sad and in this situation the partner who loves you will try to comfort you support you and the one who doesn't love you or whom you married for money or sth wouldn't try to provide comfort. But it's the other way around if that rich person loves you. But it really sounds filmy to me like to get married to a person who loves you and you will love him eventually. It might be true in some cases but the relationship last longer if both partners are equally invested in their relationship. If one person always does more than other then that person will be taken for granted at some point.

[Summeroflove]

Pretending to love someone you don’t. If you get a divorce. Irs better then cheating. Personally I believe once someone is married. For better or for worse. Unless there is cheating or serious abuse. They should stay.



But. Leaving is better then cheating at the end of the day.

[love_conquers_lust]

Morals mean she abided by codes of civilized behavior. Morals change from culture to culture, but they do have a lot of similarities.

My parents met in the military. They didn’t have a lot. They are doing quite well now. All my relatives are for the most part. My grandfather was a busy man, so was my grandmother raising 7 kids. She didn’t have time to be depressed. She still managed to be a school teacher while being an excellent cook and raising her kids. She’s what feminists should focus on. She had one hell of an ethic for her size.

All our successful relationships were built on love. Do what you love, and the money follows. Money buys happiness, when the motive comes from a loving place.

[Anonymous]

I was doing my ex in from behind her face buried in the pillow and I look up and there is her younger sister watching from the bedroom door touching herself. She saw that I saw her but she didn't stop. She lifted her top up to reveal the biggest pair of tits I'd ever seen and I couldn't hold back and came in my ex while looking at her sister. That night when my girlfriend fell asleep I went "home" becauseinwas going fishing with my dad. But what I really did was creep into her little sisters room at 4am and fucked her brains out. My ex girlfriend left me as she had found a new guy but she went ape shit when she found out a week later that her little sister was my new girlfriend.

[Guido]

Nobody should spend their life with someone they don't love but they also shouldn't be looking for someone to love when they are in a relationship. If it's not working, then end it and then search for the love of your life. It is incredibly rude and insensitive to be searching for someone else while in a relationship.

[Mamaliv]

Spending your life with someone you don’t love, not only are you hurting yourself but your hurting them too and taking their chance from finding real love as well. If we truly only live one life, do you really wanna look back and know you missed your chance at real happiness?

[Dude-1337]

Firstly, morality is 100% subjective.
Secondly, for me it is far more immoral to have a marriage based on dishonesty and lies. I wouldn't want to be with a woman if she didn't love me. She should be honest and leave me if she doesn't love me.
I can only think of one reason why society sees it differently.
Almost all societies are patriarchal. Women have to subordinate themselves to men. Women's feelings are less important than a man's reputation. So when a woman leaves her husband, she damages his reputation.

[exitseven]

When people get married they promise in front of their friends and God that they will "Love and Honor" and "Till death us do part". It is a huge deal. I have known people who did not have a serious attituded about marriage and their marriages did not last. Marriage is hard at times. Nobody has a perfect marriage. I think mine is better than most but it is good because we did the hard work to fix things that were wrong.
Marrying for money and not love is just a contract.

[monorprise]

@exitseven
Need to be careful when you use the term 'love' people don't know what it means anymore. They think it's infatuation.

[JustMeQ2]

The immoral thing is getting married for material reasons, in the first place.
The way the person leaves the marriage will only add to the immorality. With cheating and running away you max out the damage to the partner. Just leaving because the person can’t continue acting would sting less, but still sting.


The immoral thing is doing damage to the other person because of a selfish and shallow choice.


Don't marry for material reasons.

[Anonymous]

i married what i soon discovered was a dreary cnut. She fooled me by pretending to be a different type of person.
Well played.
Alas id given my word to say together til death. So i employed a systematic degredation of her personality. Completely destroyed her self confidence to the point where she dressed frumpily and dragged her feet and so on. I had to control myself lest i expose my glee.
Eventually she found just enough whatever to leave me.
And i was released from my bond.
Shouldntve fked with me in the first place you cnut. Serves you right for that level of deceit

[Anonymous]

Word is bond. She didn't give her word under false pretenses. By all accounts here she decided to marry for reasons other than love. To then exit when the spirit moves her is clearly immoral. To keep your word even if it makes you less happy is the more moral course of action. Otherwise you reduce morality to "whatever I want the most in any given moment" which is makes a complete mockery of any claim to morality.

[prakhindev92]

Why chose the first person if you don't love? , Why fall in love with the second person if you chose to live with first and love? , It is destroying 2 lives simultaneously at the same times , bitchy game

[LiamJHayden]

I guess I et to be the contrarian here. If she made her wedding vow and her spouse did not violate the vow, then she violated the vow by following her feelings rather than her promise.

[LiamJHayden]

So in my view, her following her feelings was more immoral.

[Still-alive]

Definitely the former. that is just torture over time being with someone you don't love.

[Anonymous]

Please explain what you mean by love. They give you a better oxytocin high?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Ask Tolstoy, as it’s his question.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah go ahead be carried like a leaf in the wind by your emotions. Idgaf. End up with AIDS like Jenny in forest Gump.

[Dude-1337]

Do you realize that emotions and rationality are not mutually exclusive? They often go hand in hand.
For example, it would be irrational to maintain a marriage if the marriage is causing you psychological damage.

[Opinion Owner]

Spoken like someone who doesn't understand women. They hate themselves and their inability to control their emotions

[Dude-1337]

You: *"Spoken like someone who doesn't understand women."*
Obviously better than you.
.
You: *"They hate themselves and their inability to control their emotions"*
Spoken like someone who doesn't understand women.

[LazerBean]

Breaking a marriage vow is more immorral.

[Dude-1337]

You can also argue like this:
making false marriage vows and pretending to love is more immoral.

[LazerBean]

But not more immorral that divorcing the person you made the vow to without their consent.

[Dude-1337]

You: *"But not more immorral that divorcing the person you made the vow to without their consent."*
Let me ask you two questions:
1. On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is love in a marriage to you?
2. Would you want to be married to a person who doesn't love you?
.
You see, morality is 100% subjective. For me it is far more immoral to have a marriage based on dishonesty and lies. I wouldn't want to be with a woman if she didn't love me. She should be honest and leave me if she doesn't love me.
I can only think of one reason why society sees it differently.
Almost all societies are patriarchal. Women have to subordinate themselves to men. Women's feelings are less important than a man's reputation. So when a woman leaves her husband, she damages his reputation.

[Anonymous]

Cheating is immoral and selfish

[Still-alive]

She didn't cheat if she left BEFORE getting with the guy

[Opinion Owner]

@Still-alive she cheated. Trust me.

[Still-alive]

Nahh

[Opinion Owner]

@Still-alive she hasn't just decided to leave one guy in the hopes that this other guy likes her, there's an overlap

[Still-alive]

She may have talked to him but if she leaves before any physical intimacy of any kind or any words of affection said then no one has cheated.

[Opinion Owner]

@Still-alive but she not doing ghat

[Still-alive]

And you know this how?

[Likes2drive]

Definitely the latter I prefer, not live a lie

[Christoff92]

Spend your life with a person that you don't love.

[Tomisworthless]

See what the Bible says

[Luckycharms12]

Spending life with someone don't love