Would you be ok if your husband/wife visit their first love's grave?

[JaneDee5]

He was only 19 years old when he died; my same age. We were HS sweethearts and inseparable. He pushed me out of the way of a drunk driver. The accident was meant for me, not him.

Even though I'm already married, I have to admit I've never fallen in love with anyone else afterwards. I love my husband but I'm not in love with him. I was getting older and I wanted to make it to motherhood on time but it's ok. I don't mind staying married to him till old age. He's a great father to our eldest 4 year-old daughter and our triplet boys. I had an emergency C-section one month earlier.

I haven't had a chance to visit my love's grave recently this year though. Would you be ok with your husband/wife visits their love's grave?

Yes

No

Updates

4 mo

The times I've visited his grave it was in private out of respect for my husband and our daughter. I could never get over him. He'll always be the man I've always wanted and would've probably had kids with him if he didn't get killed. He was love and always will be. If there is an afterlife and I were to die of old age then I shall reunite with him.

[Gent207-2]

Just as long as you remember your responsibilities to your present damily

[JaneDee5]

Yes I'm a responsible wife and mother.

[Gent207-2]

@JaneDee5
Then it's okay to be human and have feelings.

[CalmUntilAbused]

I would actually expect Her to, especially if He gave His life for Her. I might even accompany Her there, as long as She's fine with it.

[JaneDee5]

Thank you for being understanding. It's hard to believe that it's been 20 years since his death. He was their parents' youngest child and their only son after having 3 daughters. I used to get along with his parents; they liked me from the beginning. I still recalled the agony that poor couple underwent when being told the news, then they moved and never spoke to me again. It's hard to even think that I'm alive because of him.

[CalmUntilAbused]

It's not really about understanding. You know, if a woman is capable of being grateful, that's a big advantage these days, and I'd even feel safer knowing that I'm married to a caring and grateful woman. Probably a little distraught at the thought of not being Her true love, but happy anyway. And, well... I'd be grateful to Him myself for saving the life of the woman I'm married to (and that I most likely love, even if She does not truly love me), You know?

[wolfcat87]

I was all for visiting the grave in honor of him giving his life for you. It goes way downhill when I read more and see it's been 20 years, and you're not over him. That feels like an affair with a dead person.

But, if your partner knew all of your feelings about this before marrying you and still consented then it's fine.

If you didn't tell him and are just using him to fill a void and be a mother while still obsessing over a dead man... that's a trap and not a very nice one. This situation is incredibly unfair to the person you are with. They deserve to be with someone who loves them as much as you love this other guy.

[KrakenAttackin]

It wound be painful to watch/endure, but I don't think anyone should die on this hill.

[JaneDee5]

It's been 20 years since his death and it still seems like yesterday to me. This a hard pill for me to swallow. I was suppose to die that fateful date. That drunk driver, the accident was meant for me. It was heading in my direction and yet I'm here, alive because of him.

[KrakenAttackin]

Mourn this death but realize your current SO will have feelings about this.

[Tomisworthless]

No shows they still have feelings for them which should have died and buried with them too

[JaneDee5]

So I'm suppose get to a point of feeling nothing at all for him?
I've tried but just never got over him. I never stopped loving him after all these years.

[Tomisworthless]

then your partner is still competing for your love for another. Shouldve stayed single but hey dont listen to me i dont do relationships

[CalmUntilAbused]

@Tomisworthless, I know where You're coming from, but it's one of the extremely few cases when it's justified. If that great man (You can't say He is not a great man) gave His life for Her, it's perfectly understandable for Her to be grateful and to love Him, isn't it? As long as She's a good mother for Her children and is not hateful towards Her husband (and a caring woman capable of human emotions will most definitely fit these requirements), it's perfectly fine and even commendable to love and be grateful to Her savior.

[strateguy632]

yes.