Getting back with your divorced ex, is it ever worth it?

Question

Does it ever work out or do the same issues end things again?

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

The better question is not, "Does it ever work out?" The better question is, "What are the odds that it will work out?"

People are certainly capable of change, but they rarely do. Psychologists will tell you that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. The problems that lead people to break up generally are not transient problems like conflicting work schedules or who family to visit at Christmas. The problems usually revolve around enduring personality characteristics, such as narcissistic behavior, addictive behaviors, or priorities and goals.

It is POSSIBLE to reconcile and resolve the prior problems but it is more likely for you to reconcile and be n a quick collision course with the same problems you had in the past.

The exception to this is if you were dating and ended the relationship for reasons unrelated to the quality of the relationship. Best example is high school sweethearts both going to college hundreds of miles apart, deciding that a long distance relationship will be too difficult to maintain. A reconciliation in that example has a much better chance of success.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Why did you break up in the first place?

If the problem was YOU (and I don't mean the Asker per se, but anyone reading), and you've fixed the problem or realized you were wrong, then, sure, you might be able to work it out.

If you're expecting the OTHER person to change, then in my opinion you are making a huge mistake. Part of being in a relationship is that you have to accept your partner AS THEY ARE. This is why it is critical to vet your potential partners based on their morals, values, and life-goals - the HUGE, VITALLY IMPORTANT things in a long-term relationship - so that the things you don't like about them will be relatively small. He leaves the toilet seat up, she leaves the sink full of dirty dishes, etc. Those things may be annoying, but you can learn to live with them. You can't learn to live with your partner not treating you well, not being faithful, not wanting children if you do (or vice versa), having very different feelings about religion, or any other major differences.

midnightmoon05 · Accepted Answer

Not immediately… take the time to talk, reflect, look back, willing to make changes? If he/she says I have changed… can’t trust that…

give each other time to not be with others but focused on each other and discuss the reasons why it didn't work the first time…

to me. This is better than fining someone else when things are not reflective within the self.
my ex and I parted ways for a yr. I got to know a lot more about his childhood being on gag.. I was able to analyze and understand him… so we worked on it…

we are now married and the issues once we had have been dealt with and it’s so much better now.

antelope51 · Accepted Answer

You may have second thoughts and decide you'd rather be together flaws and all, but you can't ever think things will change. I know people who have gotten married, got divorced, and got remarried. And sometimes, your spouse/ex-spouse is the only one who will put up with you and vice-versa. You tend to grow into something "for better or worse" that will always be simultaneously comfortable and irritating. That's what family is. Not always ideal, sometimes dysfunctional, and do what you want to do, but just realize it's not going to be different if you go back.

Finchie40 · Answer

It usually doesn’t , but it depends on why you both broke up in the first place , you might think things will be better , but sadly nothing really changes , you will both still have resentments with each other , depending on what caused you to break up on the first place , Me personally no longer takes an ex back period. My thing is if someone truly loved you and valued you , they wouldn’t have walked away from you or betrayed you in the first place , or vice versa. I tried taking an ex back once to realize it wasn’t the same , taking an ex back is like trying to reheat McDonald French fries in the microwave, it will never be the same

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

Not a very wise decision…

coachTanthony · Answer

Most times I would think not but life is short so people need to do what’s best for them

Anonymous · Answer

I think it’s alright to get closure with someone in your past if they are mature enough to have that conversation. But getting together again is not a good idea 95% of the time. The 5% of the time it might work is if one person was dealing a true external issue that impacting their judgment/behavior at the time. But even that is risky.

There is one ex I have that I miss immensely. She’s on my mind much more than I like to admit. Long story by she met me at a bad time in my life. But she said something to me right after she dumped me that haunted me for years. She said it with full sincerity too. It wasn’t said in a moment of anger or resentment. It wasn’t said in response to an insult/provocation either. She said it to me an extreme moment of vulnerability I rarely displayed when I dated. She truly believed and meant what she said in response to that moment.

Now sure it would do me huge world of good if she owned up to handling that wrong and apologized. But I resolved to myself that is never going to happen. But in a lotto winners chance it did, would I get back together with her after we had that conversation? No. I would feel a lot better we had that talk but I no wouldn’t get back together.

Reason being it is either in someone to treat someone else that way or it isn’t. And it’s definitely in her. She offered zero apologies after that incident happened. None whatsoever. Her conscious either is incapable of registering the pain she caused or if it did her ego is too f*cked up to own up to it. That’s a unresolvable issue.

So no I sadly can not trust someone like that as much as I loved her. It is just how it is.

Blazingfang · Answer

Some months ago i would say "yes, its possible to make it work after a break up". But life teaches nee things everyday, and i think that an ex should be an ex.

I'm not even talking about the problems that gave origin to the break up. How can you trust someone who gave up on you? Or how can you prove to the other person you will not give up on her/him again?

Forgiving someone who leaves us is like giving a pass to leaves us time and time again.

That lack of respect will not be a plus to make the other person wanting to resolve the issues even more.

Every case is a case, but i think that if ended up once, it will happen again, probably for different reasons

SherwoodGladiator · Answer

I do, know a handful that did.

The question that matters is, did they actually make it work?

Ehhh most didn’t cause neither changed and it was the same cycle over again.

Two ex’s only work well together a 2nd go around if both change. Both are coming from a healthy place and are actively working in themselves to want a secure, solid, healthy relationship.

If both broke up the first time because things weren’t healthy? Then no, it will fail again.

Veronica-026 · Answer

Completely and totally depends on the individuals involved?

Some people can work things out together, and respect eachother enough to have the patience to work through it,

Most people dont have the chemistry to even boil pasta together without getting into arguments, let alone try patching up a broken relationship.

It 100% depends on the people.

BourbonAndBacon · Answer

I would say no for me personally because when I lose feeling for someone then they are lost for good. But I have a client that divorced after 5 years and then 5 years later remarried and they've been married for 25 years and have a great relationship.

DubiousIntentions · Answer

They are exes for a reason. The "reasons" would have to be fixable and those involved would have to be willing to do whatever it takes to change and get back on track to fix them. Otherwise, they would be like pigs who have been washed clean and then go right back to wallowing in the mire again. You have heard it said, "The more you try and change things, the more they stay the same.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on why they’re getting back together? I’ve heard of a lot of women who wanted to get back w their ex because things weren’t greener on the other side. So it wasn’t so much she was getting back w him because she loved him, it was more financial. She realized her life was better off w the ex. She struggled more financially.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

It depends... mainly on the reasons they had to get divorce...

People mature with time, so if it wasn't anything bad, they probably can get together again and make it better if both learned their lessons

But some breakups can't be reversed...

Fabiloso · Answer

No reason why it can or can't. Happens way too often though. People Marry to more so appease one another and feel safe or something. I don't know I dont get most of the marriages I've seen. Most of the time it feels more like they doin rings for pics and jealousy. They hope to bring more attention to from exes or some shit if they dont think it'll work out. Instead of listening to red flags they just keep going with it and hope someone stops em.

Marriage now is more just for tactical and social purpose typically. And maybe they learn eventually and get the right fit for them by the 3rd or 4th. Which I'm fine with as long as their happy. I don't know Marriage is just a social statement for a relationship, more like a facebook status change. No matter how they spin it or feel at the time.

Apple1996 · Answer

My in laws got back together 2 years after divorcing and remarried. Seemed worth it for them

MiddleAgedClimbee · Answer

I would think the same issues would arise again. If you're ex wife or husband was the one who decided they wanted the divorce, how could you be sure that their motive to return to you and stay true is valid.

Account · Answer

Ι most cases it isn't. The problems that surfaced during your break up will possibly resurface again.
Unless of course both of you have made many changes and those changes are tolerable or likeable to both parts.
But I wish you good luck regardless of what you choose to do.

HawkPerception · Answer

I would say it can, but it's highly dependant on the reason as to why you divorced in the first place. There's no black and white in regards to relationships. Anything can technically work, but I would say if you broke up, then the chances are the same problems will arise unless you decide to communicate better this time, acknowledge the issues and try to work through them rather than giving up.

smne35 · Answer

Time away from your ex in some cases can be a good thing, gives both of you time to grow get to know yourselves better understand why you didn't work out the first time, but in most cases so much damage emotionally has been done there's no repairing the relationship, but it's doable to give it a second go, I mean if both of you have real love for each other and have grown to where your both mature enough to where it really can work out, y yeah it's quite doable

Emmaxoxo_2004 · Answer

I think that there is always a reason that a relationship or marriage didn’t work out the way you wanted it to. If you’re contemplating weather you should get divorced or not you should try to do literally anything to better your relationship so that you can actually say that you tried to heal your relationship rather than letting it go the first chance you got. So retrying marriage probably isn’t the best thing to do. Especially if there are kids around. It’s only going to confuse them.

Kelly6 · Answer

@roseysarah it can work, it worked for my friend

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

It depends if you both ended on good terms. It can always work out when you find yourselves coming back to each other. However, if it was always some drama or bad terms, then going back to your ex is basically one of the dumbest things you can ever do in your life. Which makes you dumb in the first place if you ever get back with them after it ended on bad terms.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Well, for me, I refused to get back with her, not worth it, same old stuff over again.

justabuddy · Answer

90 percent of the time you broke up for a reason. Sometimes it's just life, moving away etc...  But that's rare and most of the time history repeats itself in these situations.

katiesmuff · Answer

I feel that after a short time the same problems will begin to appear again and end things once more. Best solution is go separate ways and make new lives apart

coolbreeze · Answer

If a women divorced me and took half. Their would be no way I would go back to something like that. If I considered the possibility I wouldn't marry the same person twice.

pervertedjester · Answer

Of the one time I tried this, thinking a decade had changed her for the better, it ended in a similar fashion. She used me to feel better about herself and then faded away.

Labokachulaa · Answer

I feel if both are actively working on themselves and the issues that caused the divorce, there's a chance of things working out again.

Rickyboy100 · Answer

It would end the same way. Some things you can't change in life

Dargil · Answer

Never, ever look back. You broke up for a reason. An exception is shared children, but that's not "getting back".

OddBeMe · Answer

Can’t fix…99% of the time. But…maybe they’ve changed enough on their own for you to over look some stuff. Thats really what forgiveness is: Forgetting. Fortune cookie. TM.

Anonymous · Answer

I've worked so hard to build my life and I really don't think we were good for each other. We want different things in life.

elizamichale1 · Answer

I think u will end up with same problems again

boobliker · Answer

Yes, but I never re wed them the sex is better without the ring

systemsareyo · Answer

Lol I'd never and I'm glad I've never fallen for it so I know how I voted lol 😂😆

Liketotry · Answer

I’m sure it could be resolved but I don’t know where she lives now.

Avicenna · Answer

Oh, hell no...

SUMAIREBRAHIM · Answer

Depends on person , if he or she is good person spare then and if they're ahole then be ahole

pickles77 · Answer

It could be if your ready to work through the reasons you split in the first place

Hazel232 · Answer

People change  People learn and try to not make the same mistakes. If they still do tho they must be weird

Badcool · Answer

I believe all relationships can work if you have good communication and both sides are willing to shuttle down a bit

Enginn · Answer

Maybe if things have changed. They can break up for the same reasons because it might happen again.

krin_m · Answer

Things can be fixed, but depends on your specific circumstances.

NathanDavis · Answer

not something I've done

serious_miss419 · Answer

Was it worth breaking up?

Nikki1989 · Answer

That is rarely a good idea.

SphynxUK · Answer

Just why? An ex is supposed to be just that.

strateguy632 · Answer

i feel that is not worth it.

Miristheiss · Answer

Not if there was cheating.

TadBehaya · Answer

Not usually. In rare cases, it may.

Unit1 · Answer

Divorced ex 😆😆😆

Iron_Man · Answer

Well, I’ve never been married

BButterfly · Answer

Worth it with the right person.

msc545 · Answer

NEVER! The x is an x for many good reasons.

fuddly · Answer

I like the photo 👍

yung_money · Answer

thats kinda gay

Guido · Answer

Never worth it.

Getting back with your divorced ex, is it ever worth it?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Well, for me, I refused to get back with her, not worth it, same old stuff over again.

Is it worth it to get back with your ex and why?

Getting back with your divorced ex, is it ever worth it?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Well, for me, I refused to get back with her, not worth it, same old stuff over again.

Is it worth it to get back with your ex and why?

We're glad to see you liked this post.