Is it worth it to get back with your ex and why?

[Anonymous]

I broke up with my ex because my ex-boyfriend kept forgetting something that I said many times and kept forgetting his promise. (He explains that he keeps forgetting stuff because he was high on weed.) Because he forgot about it, he said I like to exaggerate stuff and forced me to apologize instead. I feel gaslighted, so we fight. We split after the same thing kept happening. So now he comes back, says he is a new man, and promises to be better. Should I consider reconciliation?

Yes 👍 (believe in second chance)

No 👎 (people don't change)

[Screenwriter]

IT's not that people don't change. But this guy is high on weed all the time, isn't he? Of course that's why he can't remember what you've said. Why are you with someone who is using weed abusively?

Unless he STOPS using weed, there is no reason for you to get back with him.

He sounds like a typical physical abuser. He apologizes for what he hasn't done, (remember what you've said), says he won't do it again, and is a changed man.

The ONLY reason that you would get back with this man is that through his ACTIONS that indicate that he HAS CHANGED. Words mean absolutely nothing. Actions do.

And if this guy is STILL SMOKING, forget it. Good luck.

[Asker]

Fair and very insightful. He has high anxiety. He smoke but not infront of me. I don't know how much he smoke because he do it while hangout with his friends. He never hit me but he super clingy and possessive of me. He didn't claim to stop, he just claim to be more mindful and will note down everything important.

[Screenwriter]

Sounds like he needs to see a therapist to deal with his anxiety through talk therapy and possible anti anxiety drugs so he won't be dependent on mind numbing weed.

I never meant he abused you. But his language is that OF abusers. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I'm a changed man. Words. Until you see action and until he remembers what you tell him, nothing HAS changed.

[RoseySarah]

No no do not go for it again nothing will change it will only get worse!

As he has shown he won't change and pot smokers never do just lie till you believe them and then get high in secret!

He is flat out gas lighting you can he has no brain!

This will never change don't go for him again! He won't quit weed it's to addicting and they depend on it emotionally too!

[lightbulb27]

sure, but put some rules down for the betterment of both. people can change. are they likely to, no. give them a chance, sure. it's your call.

my rule is no drugs. if there is a need for drugs, then seek help to resolve the need for the drug.

[AviatorTom]

Only you can make that decision, not some random people on G@G.

Having said that, your moving on is probably the best idea. Any ex is in the past, and should stay there.

[midnightmoon05]

Based on your situation I would say no… anyone who says they have changed.. run..

If they say… I value you, I am willing to get rid of my weed intake slowly because I don’t want to lose you.
with your help and support.. and ask that you give us the time to move pass from the past… then yes.

[boggboss]

Tjats upto you and if u think he has changed or is worth trying again

[Asker]

I can't judge from just one interaction

[boggboss]

Well nobody here can tell u of his true intentions or if he has changed if you want to take things slow and see if he is telling the truth I guess

[Asker]

I see. From guys perspective, how to know he just pretending? Do I need to test him or should I just wait until he expose himself?

[boggboss]

It would be about waiting and seeing also if he is smoking to the same degree as before

[Asker]

He didn't smoke infront of me. He usually smoke with his friends when they go out together. Which is very frequent to nearly everyday.

[boggboss]

Then if he still smokes to that degree I wouldn't class him as changing

[Asker]

I understand. Tbh, I don't like policing people. He the one who self reporting me that he smoke. I just say ok

[boggboss]

Its not about policing its about what he does making him act in a way u don't like I don't thinking its a issue people smoking but when it starts to effect their everyday life I a problem

[Asker]

He smoke to calm himself. At least that what he says to me. Because he super clingy, every time I mad at him or we fight, I will avoid him. It cause him to be super panic and go to weed to relax. I only avoid him for few hours or not more than a day. He said that stay with me make him feel calm and comfortable. So me avoiding him is like taking away his happy place

[FunkyMonkee]

In my case, why the fuck would I wanna do that? She's already proven to me that I can't trust her!! She lied to me, stole from, me and cheated on me! WHY would I wanna go for round 2 of that? It'd be like pulling the milk out of the fridge, discovering it's gone bad and putting it back in the fridge saying, "Maybe it'll be better tomorrow".

[romain1985]

If you really feel the need to go back to him, throw the hammer down hard. Set hard rules on the things you absolutely cannot overlook, and if he breaks them leave. I've seen men genuinely change for love. But then again, I've seen men not change in religionships.

[sawno]

If it ended on good terms, both love each other but it didn't work for whatever reason then its worth trying when the issues have been overcome. But in this case thats not one of those scenarios.

[Asker]

It ends because he gives me ultimatum after I keep explaining to him why I so freaking mad at him. He said, it either I forgive and forget or f off. I say nope and we split.

[sawno]

Yeah so something bad happened between you two and you both realized its better to go separate ways. In my case we ended on a "I love you" full of pain that we had to let each other go, because we could not bridge the long distance in time.

Thats quite the contrast isn't it? So in my case if the distance can be resolved in the future and she is single again i'd 100% be open to trying again. But if I had been in a situation like yours where I frequently felt gaslighted I'd know to move on and never look back.

[Asker]

We also ldr. He constant want me to be on call with me. That how I always around. Even sleeping, can't hang up. He said knowing I on call make him calm and comfortable. When we fight, I mute his notification and call for few hours. Cause him to go panic mode

[sawno]

Doesn't sound like he's suitable for a long distance then. Me and her had amazing near daily video calls but we also had our alone time and days we couldn't.

[Asker]

I wish we were like that. Tbh, I so confuse as to why he wants to be on call 24h/7d. Like he even say I deprived him from talking to me, his girlfriend. I just ask to call once per day before he sleep. He can't accept it say we didn't call for a day. Which not true, we just have a call 10h ago

[sawno]

Is it the kind of relationship you want to be in in general? Or would you rather go look for a relationship more like the one I described?

[MrCharlie13]

What broke once will be easily broken again.

Not because people change, but because you'll never have the same level of trust or even naivette you had the first time around. Love might be there but there is precedent that your relationship wasn't strong enough from the start. Second chances won't always fail, but require more than double the effort to succeed. And most of the times, it ain't worth the effort

[RavenDarkheart]

Did he get off weed? If he really can prove he changed the problem I’d be more likely to say yes to a second chance. If he’s still doing all that, well I’m sure you’ve heard the definition of insanity.

[yourpalval]

If he's a new man, he can walk that path without you and be okay with it. Losing you was a consequence for his behavior and he will have to really mean it in order to succeed in the future. But you should not be there for it.

[Billlewis]

Have you gotten rid of a lot of guys who didn't properly appreciate you?

[sheikalana]

In my honest opinion it's a waste of time. The issues will still be there and it's really hard to go back to the times where the spark was still there. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you're meant to be together.

[bobalife]

It’s up to you if you can determined he’s changed, but I don’t encourage it since it’s a repeated bad behavior pattern and it usually takes a min to make that type of change.

[MikeTheBartender]

Yes, but if you were thinking about doing that, it should be years between the breakup, if it's recent, you will have the same exact problems you already had.

[mooky06]

Well that’s up to you. If you want to give him a second chance then sure if not tell him no and move on

[molonski2]

He is smoking weed , just forget about him , he's never going to remember anything anyhow , the guy is a looser , cut clean the dead wood.

[slatyb]

If I were single there is one I might contact again.

[libsaretards]

Getting back with an ex is like putting shit back in your ass.

[Luckycharms12]

Break up for a reason so have be pretty good reason to make up. Both have want it work at it and mean it actions speak louder than words

[Staximus]

That depends on what he was forgetting and what he promised to do or not do

[loveslongnails]

Most of the time that's a losing bet. I'd say your odds are about 40 to 1 long term.

[legalboxers]

if the fight is worthwhile. if the love is worth salvaging

[laly520]

not worth it , all the trauma he caused was enough