How would you feel if your spouse wanted to go on a girls/guy trip for a few days and made it clear that you were not invited?

Question

So this married woman wanted to go to Panama City Beach with her friend girls. The husband asked if he and the kids can join (be there for her at the hotel during the nights, while the girls have her in the day to themselves) OR if she can at least go to the beach that day then travel all the way back home to him at the end of the night after hanging at the beach. She basically told him that he and the kids were not invited (which he found a little sus since she's going to party city where young men love some cougars). She also told him that she should not have to come home at the end of the night just because they are married/with kids. Where do you stand in this situation? #WhatsTheScenario

I asked my friends and fam where they would stand. They all pretty much said that she deserves a break and some days away, and that he is being controlling. I guess my guy and I are just territorial af because we don’t believe a “break” is the same as not coming home at the end of the day. My guy told me if we were married, he’d say “Go to the beach and I’d like for you to come home at the end of the night.” I don’t think I would’ve encouraged him to even go to that hoeass beach without me, but in general, I told him that if we were married, I’d absolutely want him home by the end of the night. I don't know, we just feel if you’re married and have kids, then that should be your main responsibility at the end of the day. I don’t expect others to agree as my friends/fam didn’t. Hell I’m shocked he and I agreed on something for once #FeelFreeToList

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

This sorta thing happens in a lot in relationships sadly to say , and it’s something that can easily add fire or destroy a relationship if both partners’ are not on the same page with things. It really has nothing to do with trust and insecurities , it mainly comes down to respect for each other. The first question to ask is , how was their relationship prior to her being invited to this girls’ trip? Has he went on guys’ trips without her for days at a time? That’s the number 1 question that has to be addressed. If not then she has to really reconsider her trip with her friends or her relationship more than likely will be dooomed. Have things been great between them both? Have they been really close with each other , without any conflicts or problems? Is there any tension between them? , that hasn’t been addressed and talked about? Raising kids can add a lot of stress in a relationship period on top of all the other things that add stress to people in this world. , work , and finances , social media. etc.. So usually when a partner asks for space in a relationship , especially when children are involved. and they automatically exclude their partner , or demand space from their partner when they never did before , that usually indicates something is off in that relationship. If she really needs space , then go have a day pampering yourself somewhere but you don’t need to go away for days at a time period. When someone is truly in love with someone, they don’t need that much space or demand space from their partner period , that they claim to be in love with , That sadly is a huge red flag if her husband. Is not her top priority period Partners that demand space , that can easily exclude their partners when it comes to decisions , are usually up to no good , they will try to sugarcoat it as much as possible , because they know they are wrong and they wouldn’t want their partner doing this shit to them. , so it clearly indicates that she is a selfish person that only really cares about herself. , especially in today’s society. The next question is her friends? is her friends single or are they married as well? If they are single then she should not go period , because she is not single anymore , and her single friends are more than likely going to act wild and flirt with men , drawing attention to themselves. especially if alcohol is involved. And more than likely spread their legs If they meet a good looking guy or guys ‘ that wants to party and fuck as well. , so since she is a married woman , she shouldn’t be putting herself in that situation period and disrespecting her marriage with her husband whether she puts out or not , she is still putting herself in that situation. because the truth is. She is no longer single anymore , she chose to be in a committed relationship and marriage , the same way she should want her husband to treat and respect her. , so her single friends need to back the fuck off and understand she is no longer single anymore and respect the fact that she is married and has children. Also does her friends get along great with her husband? , and respect her relationship with her husband? Is there any conflict between her friends and her husband? If so, Then she needs to tell her friends No Does her husband like her friends? if not , she needs to choose her husband and tell her friends sorry., she can not go with them but thank you for the invite and tell them my husband and kids come First , especially if they try to convince her to go still. Her husband needs to understand that this goes for him as well. So if they want their marriage to last , there Can’t be any double standards so she needs to choose her family over her friends period and learn to be respectful to her marriage Because the truth is. Her friends might be toxic friends that don’t respect her marriage with her husband , this sort of thing happens a lot. So for any relationship to survive , both partners’ need to be on the same page with things , they need to wear each others shoes before making decisions , it’s not about who is right or wrong , and it’s not about insecurities , it’s about respect for each other. You can’t be jealous and insecure over something that isn’t yours period Her husband chose her the same way he wants her to choose him. Like I always say , one of the number 1 relationship killers is selfishness , if she can’t remove selfishness for her partner , then she can’t expect him to remove it for her. It needs to go both ways. Especially when children are involved The fact that she has children she should want her husband and kids to go and be happy that her husband and kids will be close by , in case something does happen and be happy he compromised with her instead of saying no you can’t go at all , but instead she is acting like her husband is this horrible person. When she is clearly the one being selfish , because she is choosing her friends over her marriage and kids A loving husband is going to be worried that something bad can happen, period. I am sure the thought of her being hit on by guys’ has crossed his mind but he is also thinking other bad things can happen as well. And she will be far away. Most girls’ don’t really understand a man’s role in a relationship period , His role in a marriage and family is to protect his family A man is not going to protect someone that he really doesn't give 2 shits about period. If she really cared about him and her kids , she wouldn’t want to be far away from them period , the fact that she does , just shows she only cares about what is best for herself , if I was her husband , I would tell her to go and have a blast , but don’t be surprised when I go away with my friends and make it clear to you that are excluded as well Couples with kids shouldn’t be taking separate vacations for long periods of time , a day trip with your friends in one thing , but going away for days at a time is not a good thing. I don’t care what anyone says because people that say it’s a good thing are people that are selfish that only care about themselves , those are the people that shouldn’t be in relationships period because. The truth is they want space , so they can be up to no good without feeling they are wrong. They are clearly talking out their asses because they know they are a piece of shit. I know couples that take separate vacations and act like things are great between them but sadly one of them is cheating and acting like things are great. Me personally will not get into a relationship or stay in a relationship with a girl that needs space for days without me , I want a girl that wants to experience things together , , go places together , spoil each other , she chooses me like I choose her over everybody, if she chooses friends over me , then I will choose my friends over her and her and I more than likely won’t last because my ass no longer sits with Sucker written over my head , I been there and done it and never again. Why be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t want to experience and share things together , what is the point of even being together if you want to live separate lives choosing friends over our relationship, Sorry that isn’t for me , I feel honestly bad for her husband because she is clearly a selfish pos

McLlovin · Accepted Answer

If you’re married what you use to do when you’re single you can’t do anymore especially if you have kids. Thats why married men or women shouldn’t hangout with single people, hangout with married couples. Single people want to do single people stuff. Going out in the scenario described is extremely suspicious. Most definitely she is either ganna cheat or going to in a naïve unexpected way

electromagnetic · Accepted Answer

If MY partner decides that’s what he wants, I wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. THIS MAN DOESN’T GO ANYWHERE UNLESS I GO.

I definitely understand where she is coming from. Maybe she didn’t explain herself out correctly. She could have said, ‘hey, I’m feeling a little burnt out and would love to have some time alone. Do me this solid and I’ll cover you on the next one’

I believe communication is key. Just like I know my partner wouldn’t go anywhere unless I tagged along, I also know he would appreciate that I don’t turn the chance down for him. Especially around people he hasn’t seen before. We sorta have an unspoken rule that we will show up if we get to leave early and it works for us.

I don’t believe the girl is in the wrong for this but she should have communicated better & if she is faqqing around, I hope her man finds out and dumps her ass

desert_rose666 · Accepted Answer

Depends for me. As for kids, I'd understand someone might need a break from all the noise and action. As for partner tagging along if my man said no to me, the first thought that would cross my mind would be "What does he want to do there that I can't witness?". I, personally, never need a break from my man and I'd definitely have more fun traveling with someone I can have sex than traveling with my friends. So of I ever tell my partner he can't tag along that means I need space to do something he might not approve. But that's just me. I'd never stop him from going tho, but it would definitely change my idea of our marriage, my approach, my investment and I'd prolly give myself the same right to do so.

RoseySarah · Answer

Like that o no she is sus and will be cheating.

If she said that she needs a break from the kids sure give her that

But not a break from him also for that kinda trip.

She can have girls night or guys night but not a trip alone like thatn

AviatorTom · Answer

What one does is based on trust... how much trust does he have in her?

Oliverlogan263 · Answer

Yeah, if I was in that dude's situation I don't know if I'd feel totally comfortable with it either. Panama City is kind of notorious for being a wild party spot.

I mean, I get she deserves a break and time with her friends too. But going all the way to some party beach without your husband just seems a little weird, you know? Like why does it have to be some crazy place like that?

And wanting to at least come home at night doesn't seem that unreasonable to me. Even if nothing would actually happen, I can understand why he'd be feeling a little suspicious of her being in that environment without him. Peer pressure is real too, like you said - her friends might try influencing her to do stuff she normally wouldn't.

I dunno, the whole thing would definitely make me a bit uneasy if I was the guy. I'm usually all for letting my girl have her space and fun, but there's gotta be some compromise and understanding of each other's boundaries too, especially when you're married with kids. Seems like a simple thing to at least come back to the family at the end of each day. Maybe she could've picked a more lowkey beach trip instead, you know? I'd probably be feeling the same way as that dude for sure.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

It really depends on why he wanted to go out without me. I would find it weird, because in my relationship him saying or doing that would be out of character. And if I'm not invited... Does that imply he maybe needs a break from me? The relationship? That would be alarming. It could be a trip with the boys, a boys night but over the weekend. I honestly don't know his friends very well. Friends being a bad influence is a good point you bring up. I would be worried if his friends weirded me out a little. If I can't be friends with his friends, I won't be able to trust them. As for getting home on time. Mixed feelings. If it's a unsafe neighborhood, it's normal to get home on time. It's important to talk to your partner and giving him the key information. "I am going there, with these people, for this, I will be back at." That way, if something happens, he knows when to call for help, where to look.

RavVid · Answer

Couples should offer each other transparency on their individual activities. In this case sudden opacity is being imposed. I think the husband is right to feel concerned and offended at that. It is also a little rude to exclude your partner from a holiday.

If the wife's girl friends are single or newly separated I think he should be even more concerned.

I'd take this as a break up announcement.

mandyfire98 · Answer

Depends. Everybody needs a bit of a break from each other. It's human nature. Guys trips and girls teips are common. The only issue I have is her going to Panama city Beach. Like you said there's always Destin which is a great beach and town. However it's basically right at Panama City Beach 😂 but also it depends when you go to Panama City. If it's during spring break it's college kids everywhere. If you go any other time it's pretty much deserted. It all depends on the exact time she's going. If she's going now then there won't be anybody there. It's cold as fuckkkk.

But to just go away for a weekend for a break with your friends, that's normal. Guy's go on fishing trips or hunting trips or camping trips. It's pretty common.

Lliam · Answer

The only reason to be concerned about a vacation like that is if you think your spouse is a ho who will fuck random people. Why is everything about sex?

He's not afraid she'll get raped. He's afraid she'll hook up. He thinks the only way to keep her faithful is to keep her on a leash.

I trust my wife. I know she ain't no ho and neither are her friends. I'd tell her to have fun on her vacation. When she goes on trips, she always calls before she goes to bed to tell me about her day.

Anpu23 · Answer

I really find it odd that a spouse would want to vacation without their SO. It's more than just "SUS," how would she feel if he was all "I'm going to Vegas with the lads." I mean I'm traveling next week for work and I would much rather bring my wife than not.

HawkPerception · Answer

Honestly, I'm usually the type that trusts my partners to not to anything behind my back and I believe we all need time to chill with our friends or have space once in a while. I'd also wanna go and chill with my friend and have some guys time on vacation too once in a while. We could talk about our relationships and all the built up stuff we can't say to our partners. It would be a good time. I think a partner needs to be able to understand that even if you're in a relationship, spending time with your friend is a good outlet once in a while. You should also know that your partner is not the type of person to do anything behind your back, otherwise why are you with them in the first place?

Obviously the ideal thing would be have both your partner and their partner go and if you have a family, bring the kids along too. You could still have your friend time if you all go together. But if it's only girls going, I wouldn't be asking to go.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I don't know, it would depend on how well I trusted my spouse. Like I let my ex go to Amsterdam alone with his buddies for 3 days. Obviously I will never know if he cheated or not but he called and face timed me every night and sent pictures and texts during the day. I personally don't believe him to be that kind of person so I took his word on it. If my partner was a flirty type or cheated in past relationships then no way would I trust them to go on any trip without me, but if I couldn't trust them for that type of stuff I wouldn't even be married to them. But the fact he asked if he could go for night stays and she said no is kind of suspicious.. So I don't know hahaha

Joshydavid25 · Answer

I wouldn't mind a girl's trip, or her having fun with her girls, but I mean going out to a party city? I would find that to be a bit sus.. And the way she addressed it, was a little sus NGL.. I guess it depends on the situation, and if we have been going on some vacations ourselves.. I don't feel Black and White about this honestly..

Miristheiss · Answer

No go.  I don't commit to women that do that. I wouldn't have married her with her doing that as part of her lifestyle.  That is a boundary. I would leave her over breaking this boundary.

appleadayisgood · Answer

to be honest i think i would be upset as a spouse i think peope should do everything they can together.

if they had kids old enough to understand things what would they think they would get red flags i'm sure.

when your married you have to let your spouse come along. if not they would feel not wanted & that could be a big problem for any couple.

lilyanony1 · Answer

Umm I don't actually know. I think my boyfriend would want to always be there. But for me I'm not even interested in other men or the party life. He should be able to trust me.

But I'm kinda like there should be freedom too.
I dunno I don't own him nor he me. It's healthy to have time apart.

worldscolide · Answer

Im not sure i would be ok with that. I trust my wife, i Do not trust anyone other than my wife if you get my meaning.

ChiTown33 · Answer

I would imagine it would depend on how she approached me with the idea. I'm not her keeper, she's my partner. But it would be disrespectful for her to just tell me her and her friends are taking a girls trip. As disrespectful as it'd be for to inform her of the same. I'd like to think I'd trust her enough to not have a problem with it. And if I didn't maybe I'd be having second thoughts about our relationship.

msc545 · Answer

She is going to mess around either at the beach if she goes, or elsewhere later on. If he tells her she can't go it will just make it worse. The fact that she is asking to do this speaks for itself, and not in a good way. She has cheated before, and will cheat again. The guy should use the time away from her to get a paternity test on each child. Her presence is not required for that.

Nice222 · Answer

My wife and I have both gone away for Girls/Guys weekend trips with our friends. We never had a problem with it. And they were fun. Honestly I trust my wife and she trusts me. I don’t think I could ever be in a relationship with someone I couldn’t trust like that.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I would tell him to text me if he is safe. I definitely don't need to spend the whole of my time with my partner. I can use his absence for my plans :D

abc3643 · Answer

My wife does this usually two or three times a year. I have no problem because then my soul screams out...

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