Am I not being understanding?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and me were thinking about getting married but he insists on me changing my last name, I don't want to change my last name but he thinks it's really important. My parents want him to get his degree before we get married and he doesn't want to but he says he'll get it for me. He thinks since he's doing school even though he doesn't want to, I should change my last name. But I feel like that isn't fair, him getting a degree is not a disadvantage for him, he's not losing anything by getting a degree he's getting more job opportunities. Is it fair for him to ask that of me?

[abc3643]

1. Don't change your last name if you don't want to. If he can't deal with it, then he becomes your ex-boyfriend.
2. Don't marry him until he gets his degree and has a job. If he can't deal with it, then he becomes your ex-boyfriend.

>>> This is the rest of your life that we are talking about. No time to fuck-around when it comes to compromising on what you want and need.
His degree = enhanced security
You maintaining your name = his acceptance of your freedom and that you are not property. (*)

(*) I got married 23 years ago and I told my wife that she didn't have to change her last name to mine. However, she did - it's what SHE wanted because she felt that connected her to me. (She had several last names between her two previous marriages and divorces and she doesn't know who her REAL father is anyway, so I understood that her taking my last name because it anchored her, so to speak. You don't need that because you are already anchored and know who you are. You like who you are and there's no need to change that. A man who loves you won't force you to change for his sake but will be happy with you just because of who you are right now.


The more serious shit you two need to work out are kids, life goals, and how to deal with money. That last thing is the most important.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

You're going to need to change it anyway. It's marriage

Why not compromise, and hyphenate, like my mother did

She's now carol lynn johnson - sk...

[Anonymous]

few major things you two can't agree on:

name change. you don't agree to it.

your parents say he needs a degree (weird but okay), he doesn't want one. but he's willing to put himself into debt for you and your parents (who should have no say in this relationship, by the way).

he is getting the degree for you but you still won't change your last name in marriage, regardless of all the hard work a degree entails.

yeah, i'd say that's unfair. he is willing to compromise for you but you are still standing there like a rock for some reason, not willing to put in the same effort he is. changing a name costs way less than a degree, by the way. a degree also doesn't always get you more job opportunities these days. if you haven't seen how the world has been the past few years...

marriage is about compromise. he's doing his part. and you are not. so yeah i'd say you're not being understanding.

[kylee2437]

I agree with him. He’s making a compromise and you should be willing to also.

[PeachyPie93]

Why don't you want his last name? Why get married at all?