Is marriage primarily a transactional agreement or primarily a commitment?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Marriage is primarily a transaction

Marriage is primarily a commitment

[SecretsofKB]

For me and my other half, we have talked about this a lot and we see it as just an extra layer of commitment.

I have always thought that the relationship after the wedding should really not differ at its core than before the wedding. Relationships evolve over time, but a wedding should not be a magic event that changes everything.

It is just another way of saying, "yep, you're pretty cool and I'm good with spending the rest of my life with you."

[petitedollbabee]

I see it as transactional. You don’t need marriage to have commitment, you can have that with a regular long term relationship. But marriage comes with many benefits in terms of finances, insurances, how you’re viewed, etc. So therefore it would be transactional and only worthwhile for the benefits.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

[DCVsMarvel2]

Marriage, is, legal, love

It's the state literally saying "you're in love, and we're going to "legalize it"

Otherwise, it serves no purpose

Plus, people fall out of love all the time, divorce has risen to at least half

[Orion84]

I believe marriage should be a commitment, but not everyone sees it that way.

[OlderAndWiser]

Depends on to whom you are married. Some partners see marriage as a transaction: "I expect you to give me A, B, and C, and I will agree to give you D, E, and F." If something happens so that you are unable to provide A, such a partner feels justified in leaving you. In my opinion, that is not a marriage; it is just a business arrangement that involves sex and shared living quarters.

Fortunately, there are more partners who view marriage as a commitment, and when they agree to "for better or for worse," they actually mean it.

[ODC2112]

There can be no commitment without a transaction; a marriage without a transaction is not a marriage.

Marriage is not just a formality but a profound exchange between spouses, which includes love, trust, sex, responsibility, joint projects, and sometimes even practical aspects such as resources or social commitments. This exchange is what provides substance to the commitment.

The word "transaction" may evoke a cold or calculating image, but in the context of marriage, it takes on a richer meaning. A transaction does not necessarily imply a utilitarian calculation but rather an intentional and mutual exchange that creates a balance between partners.

The physical and intimate component is often a central element of marriage, not only for mutual pleasure but also as an expression of connection and, in some cases, for procreation. Without this, no marriage exists, except as a formal act. Sex is not just a physical act but a language of intimacy that strengthens the emotional bond. In a marriage, sexual exchange implies reciprocity: both partners must feel desired and respected. When this aspect is missing or one-sided, a sense of imbalance can emerge, jeopardising the commitment itself. For example, sociological studies (such as those by John Gottman) show that sexual satisfaction is closely related to the overall quality of the relationship, but it is not the only factor: it must be accompanied by communication and mutual respect.

Love and trust are at the heart of the exchange. Both partners commit to offering support, understanding, and weaknesses, creating a bond that strengthens over time. Love is not static: it requires a continuous transactional exchange of attention, time, and compromise. Trust, in particular, is built through consistency and reciprocity: each partner must "invest" in the relationship, even accepting the risk of weakness.

Marriage is also a public act that positions the couple in a network of familial, social, and cultural relationships, with shared and expected roles.

In many cultures, marriage involves the sharing of material resources, such as money, property, or financial responsibilities, which can consolidate the union or, conversely, create tension.

Marriage is never an isolated act but is part of a cultural and social context. In many traditions, the exchange between spouses includes social expectations, such as respecting gender roles, starting a family, or maintaining intergroup alliances (for example, in traditional societies where marriage united families or clans). Even today, marriage implies a commitment to society: partners present themselves as a unit, sharing responsibilities such as managing a household, raising children, or participating in social networks.

Partners commit to common goals, such as starting a family, pursuing complementary careers, or realising shared dreams. For marriage to work, the exchange must be perceived as fair by both partners. A prolonged imbalance (for example, one partner giving more love, resources, or time without receiving as much) can lead to resentment or the dissolution of the bond. Such an imbalance is evident in situations where one partner feels emotionally or sexually neglected. Financial or domestic responsibilities fall disproportionately on one partner. Joint projects (e. g., having children, travelling, changing careers) are not shared or respected. Commitment requires an investment in daily, active, and mutual transactions, without which marriage loses its essence.

[mobiusforniner]

My brother in law tried convincing me it’s “transactional” by telling me it is a written contract that his wife must submit to him as he submits to god. If she denies his desire for procreation, she must be punished for disobeying god. He told me marriage was a traditional contract that allows forced intercourse to support gods will

I’m like, you know your wife has a name, right?

lol. Transaction….. is for people who think everything in life is conditional

[rosemilk]

it's a commitment. your whole lives are intertwined, it's HUGE. any decision you make, the other one has to be on board too. that's not transactional at all, way more than that. that's a commitment to support your partner, no matter what.

[juleyboo74]

Succesful ones that last are transactional, if love and commitment stay a part of it then great. But better transactional

[Razp_Sorbet]

Here its a commitment. there's no financial reason to get married. A defacto relationship has the same rights and expectations as a married couple.

[Likes2drive]

It’s a commitment that most people can’t keep, but to some it might be a contract depending on financial situation

[Espreso9]

I say Both depend on when. Some culture a family come from money. One of reason my parents got married.

[SunnyCaliGirl]

It’s healthy balance of both when done right

[Abdulw]

I'd say more a commitment.

[WhitneySnow]

Commitment

[DrPepper12]

Yes.