Is it best to live together before marriage to determine whether you are truly compatible or should you already be firm enough in your relationship and not need to "find things out beforehand" in order to say "I do?"
Living together before marriage is not a common thing in our Indian culture. Most families invite bride – before marriage to their home on festivals or some social functions to introduce her with their extended family and family traditions. She usually shares bedroom with her mother-in-law or sister-in-law – but never with her husband to be. Virginity is still honoured. I had stayed with my husband’s family for about two months when my husband’s grandfather was on sick bed, and I was taking his care round the clock like a nurse – paramedical support, and as if I am permanent member of the family. Now this is more or less a personal choice in new generation to test social and traditional compatibility, daily habits, and understand financial condition and way of management of the family for realistic preview of married life and exposing true personalities beyond formal meeting on festivals. Still most traditional Indian Hindu culture discourages it due to family honour, religious believes and some social restrictions. Some modern families – metro cities view increasingly see it as practical for understanding a partner's real self and building foundations for handling conflicts, though it requires open communication about chores, money, and expectations. Ultimately, it is still a decision of both families based on their beliefs, cultural background, and relationship readiness, and many find it important for understanding their future spouse. Virginity is still honoured till marriage.
YES. Live together for TWO YEARS before even getting engaged.
FURTHERMORE:
1. Do not have children before marriage.
2. Host in your home a holiday party or dinner party of some type with plenty of notice. (*)
(*) So, why do you want to do this?
It is vitally important to know how your significant other deals with stress. There's a lot to hosting an event - in terms of time, money, and effort. This is going to create some stress in both of you. How you and your partner handle the stress is going to be an indicator for how they handle stress later during the REAL crises of life that will eventually occur.
You want to look for:
1) Are they a procrastinator? Planning?
2) Are they smart about money and shopping? Will help with the effort of doing the shopping?
3) Are they overly reactionary or sensitive if something goes wrong?
4) Are they immature? For instance, does he just want to sit around and play video games while you're doing all the work. And then, when you ask for help, he says "Don't worry about it. You're blowing this out of proportion. This isn't a big deal." It may not be a big deal in the grand scale of things, but it is a big deal now and it's important to you. If he blows off what's important to you now, can you really rely on him?
5) Hygiene and cleanliness. When guests come over, you want to present your best self and give them a good impression about how and where you live. If he doesn't give a shit about it, then that can be a problem.
ALSO...
You're going to have a fight inside two years. It's not a question of if, but of when... and how often... and how does it get resolved or make-up...
Two years is a decent amount of time to get over the honeymoon phase and know if you two form a good working couple who can get over problems in life successfully together.
that's a toughie and you both gotta work that out. I've seen it done both ways to success and failure.
I do like the idea of spending long time together, extended time, so you get familiar with the real person, not the decorated one putting on a sales show. Reality is... you are two humans of opposite gender and you are not compatible. The question really is how flexible and willing to work are you to work things out, how compatible are you... and are you willing to accept the other person and work through challenges. There's various categories of compatability to consider...
Having lived with my roommate for over 12 years and while a roommate is slightly different from having a partner as your living mate, I would highly recommend living together before marriage.
My roommate and I who is also my bestie, used to argue a lot but once we got used to each other things changed and now we are two peas in a pod. But it took a lot of years to get to this point and I feel it would be the same for a partner.
Not saying you have to live many years together before marrying, but at least a year to see if you're truly compatible and can take in each other's flaws for a lifetime.
Opinion
32Opinion
It's my personal belief that you should live with your partner a minimum of a year to get an understanding of what it'll be like to share a space and life with them before taking the plunge.
I would ideally like to wait 3 years to make sure of them before tying the knot.
But different strokes for different folks. Whatever works for ya.
I think that is a very smart move in it's own way it is to protect the both of in many ways it will also teach boundaries of love and respect
I don't care what it is in life. When you have 2 people, you cannot just jump into something. And thinking that it's going to work , you have to make it and in order to use that , what are you willing to give and do to do that , that goes for both people
I hesitate to use the word best but it's a good idea to live together for a while before marriage, just to make sure you are compatible.
Living together first is a wise thing to do because you might regret your decision later on
I think is best to know your Partner as much as you can before marrying them and discuss certain points such as finances, values and plans for the future as well as timelines to make sure you’re both on the same boat. The decision to marry someone is not something that happens in one day only or after a deep conversation, it takes time and several discussions. There’s no requirement to live together before marriage but if you want to there’s also nothing wrong. There are hints you can pick on if you spend holidays or weekends together once in a while that can help you determine if you see yourself co-habiting with your Partner in the future or not. Best advice I can give you is do not rush into marriage, take time to know your Partner well and share experiences together and keep an open communication with each other.
That's a really good explanation. We're having this debate among friends and it's pretty split down the middle. I think a majority did live together beforehand, but on the other hand you have that other side that's like, you should have all these deep discussions before you even settle in together because it's not fun to have to move out either when you thought you had it together.
Absolutely! You don’t want to figure out that you were not as compatible as you thought you were when is too late. On another note do whatever works for you and your Partner because different couples have different dynamics.
It can be helpful but it’s not a guarantee.
Living together shows you the day to day reality
how someone handles stress, conflict, money, chores, and emotional availability when the romance wears off.
But cohabitation only “figures things out” if both people are honest, communicate well, and don’t ignore red flags just because it’s convenient.
Some couples grow stronger.
Others just get comfortable and mistake familiarity for compatibility.
So it’s not about living together, it’s about whether you’re actually paying attention while you do.
I would say yes and amen to that. If you don't want to for reasons to please religion, family, what ever it may be, to do it officially then do so unofficially in ways you are both comfortable with. There are priests who offer talks before marriage as a form of pretalk instead of the after talk therapy, but they can only do so much. If I had not done things off the record I would have been married and divorced or annuled several times over, lol, no, but seriously. You can still commit and have your intention clear that what you are set on in the future is wedding and if kids kids.
I hate to tell you this, but the statistics are that couples who live together first actually have a HIGHER divorce rate than those who did not. Or they just never get around to getting married, and stay together but unmarried until one or both of them get bored, and then they split up. And if they have children when that happens, that compounds the tragedy. The old fashioned values still have something to be said for them!
If you can't figure out what a person's heart is unless you live and have sex with them, I don't know what to tell you. You probably have no clue what life is about or how to judge their heart, not their body.
@TwiddlyDoo I did answer it, in a roundabout way. In other words, NO!
@TwiddlyDoo I didn't go anon. I just have my winter profile pic up.
@TwiddlyDoo No one uses their real names on here. But that is not exactly going "anon".
@IllGetYou And what exactly do you call yourself?
@Respawner02 Sounds more like you are the troll here. You make a new fake pink account every time you get blocked.
u No. In fact, it's quite the opposite. What a couple is essentially thinking is about what are they willing to put up with as opposed to what they're joining and what they're willing to sacrifice. What ends up happening is that marriage becomes a logical step rather than a decision, which is what love ultimately is.
Yes, as long as you both have your own homes/apartments. You can stay with one or the other and live together. But I don't advocate renting a place together because, if things don't work out it makes it difficult to move out.
I did that once and it was a big mistake.
I wasn’t expecting this many religious narrow minds in these comments but then again it’s the internet
Yes you should absolutely live together before considering marriage
There’s no such this as a perfect act of god when it comes to these things
You should figure out all the kinks and quirks of someone before saying “I do” forever
I told my girlfriend that I wouldn't propose before we lived together for at least a year. The reason was that when you live apart, dates will be cancelled due to sickness or just feeling bad. If I'm marrying you, I need to make sure I can deal with you being sick or just bad for no real reason. I obviously like the good, that's what I see on our dates.
So it's more about seeing that secret "other side" not publicly available?
For better or WORSE, in SICKNESS and in health. I see the better and health. I love that about her, that's why I want to be with her. Yet until I see the worse and sickness, I don't know if I can deal with that. Nobody likes the worse and sickness, nobody marries someone based on those. They marry based on the better and health, and deal with the other two. I can, and that's why I proposed.
I would certainly never agree to marriage without living together first , it's certainly the best move , you will only start to really learn about the other in a couple of years residing together.
Ok so there are no fixed rules in interpersonal relationships.
But if you need a compass... then make a list of the pro's and con's of marriage.
Living together is a wonderful thing & if you two can’t live together before marriage you two certainly aren’t going to make it living together after marriage.
Here in Canada you're considered married if you live with someone for a year. There are some US states that have the same law. I'd go on vacation with someone but I'd never move someone in.
Live together first. You could date someone for 10 + years and never truly know how compatible or incompatible you are until you live together.
honestly loving together beforehand is necessary in my opinion. You don’t know someone fully until you live with them especially through their worst moments.
I prefer to figure out our things without getting myself into outdated stuff as i. e. a "marriage"... and once things work, there isn't a need left for this kind of rituals.
I think it's a great Idea and I would recommend that to everyone!!
Statistics support that people who co habitate before marriage actually have a higher divorce rate
Interesting. So what do you think? Live together or wait?
That's correlation and not causation.
Just like people who ejaculate more frequently are correlated with less reproductive diseases.
surprise. Surprise to fuckwits only (unfortunately most people these days): people with reproductive issues CANNOT ejaculate when they try to. That doesn't mean that cooming 3 times daily makes you healthier that choosing to spend your time doing something else.
Similarly, just because living together is often done by impulsive people who are prone to cheating, it doesn't mean that only impulsive cheaters move in before marriage or that postponing getting official guarantees that you don't get ass on the side.
You don't truly know somebody until you live with them for at least a year, and you don't know if you can tolerate living with them if you haven't lived with them
If it means living without sex, than yes why not but the thing is: how much is it possible to live under one roof without having sex at the end of the road? 🤣
In today's social and legal climate, it is better not to marry at all. Nobody respects vows and women use marriage to enrich themselves and bloody divorces for revenge.
I don't understand how people can get married without having lived together before
Yes at least you can find ouf if they re lazy ass or no
My wife and I moved in together about a week before our wedding. She wouldn't move in with someone, without a commitment to marry.
I don't think it matters much even people who live together, get divorced.
One of the biggest mistakes a man can do is live with his girl
No. Take as much time as you need to understand who the person is before you marry them. But no, you shouldn't live with them first.
Yes. Better to see how that goes before the union
In Islam prohibited living together before marriage,, after marriage, OK
Do you think it works in Islam to do this or do you wish there were opportunities to live together first?
Yes , in Islam it practiced
It is essential.
Yes it test drives if you’re able to cohabitate.
Why is this of importance now when people used not to live together until after marriage? Don't you think you should be able to work out those kinks if you really love each other if you move in after marriage or you must know beforehand?
I think it is a good idea
Live together 1st or go on dates 2c.
Its best to never live together.
That's a question you'd have to ask your church
I'm not really sure, maybe it is.
No..
Definitely.
Yep.
It helps
Yes.
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