My best friend just lost his girlfriend, what do I do?

[enlightenment]

They dated on and off for 8 years and she just passed away this week. She was in the hospital for months before she passed and he was there with her everyday, being the best boyfriend ever. Now she is gone and all I want to do is make his pain go away. What can I do? Gift ideas? Anything!?

[Annette83]

You sound like a great friend. He is so fortunate to have you around right now.

I think he will be feeling horrible no matter what you do, so don't feel responsible for that.

I would be extra-patient with him if he is hard to be around over the next months. I would respect his wishes if he wants time alone, but make sure he knows you are there. I would invite him over and suggest doing new activities out of the house so that he isn't sitting around feeling down and dwelling on things. Maybe you can start up a regular thing where you invite him over with other friends to cook and eat or play soccer or something?

I have been told by people in his position that they wish people had not been so squeamish about acknowledging the bad news. So ask him how he is and tell him you know things must be tough for him. I have also been told that it is tough when people expect a person to get over a loss quickly. He might be feeling down for months. Don't get impatient with him. If it seems like he might be getting depressed/ developing bad habits because of the loss (some people drink, some people won't get out of bed, some people are mean to others), don't be afraid to suggest that he seeks therapy and make sure to keep his family informed if he is in trouble.

Good luck! I have been in your position and it is really horrible to see a friend suffering. He is lucky to have you.

[enlightenment]

Thank you, your words mean a lot to me.

[Anonymous]

You are sweet and very thoughtful. I am absolutely sure he will appreciate your consideration. All I would suggest is just be there for him. Unfortunately, a piece of his soul died that day she went away. That will take a long time to repair, if ever at all. Losing someone you love that much I don't think you can ever recover from. All I know is that he has the best friend in the world in you. Godbless his girlfriend, I hope she rests in peace.

[enlightenment]

Thank you so much, you words mean the world to me right now.

[Opinion Owner]

You're very welcome. Maybe even someday he will see what an amazing woman you are through all of your support, and you two could end up together.

[enlightenment]

That is kind, but I have a boyfriend I love very much. It almost makes it worse, because I don't want him to see my boyfriend and I touch or be happy because it might remind him of how lonely he is.

[cgiddings]

He's lost someone important in his life. One and off or not. WHat you should concentrate on is being close to him and just listening.

When I lost my father a few years back (which I anticipate not having the same impact as losing someone you've slept with), I hated people telling me they were sorry. It wasn't their fault. They should just be quiet and listen if I needed to talk or vent.

You should do the same.