4 years of friendship (my best friend, actually) ruined because I developed feelings and he didn't. I still believe he's in denial because he's got a lot of personal issues to deal with right now. He wants to go back to being best friends because he doesn't want to lose me in his life. I told him I don't know how to go back to being just friends. I said my boyfriend *is* my best friend. He says he knows he "f*cked up" (he repeated this many times), but he doesn't want me as his girlfriend because he feels he can lose girlfriends easily, but he cannot lose his best friend. (Did I mention he has baggage?) He told me he tells me things he tells no one else. I said, how do you justify asking your best friend to be intimate with you, knowing she has feelings for you? Again, he said "I know, I'm eff'd up."
Our FWB wasn't just sex -- it was passion, sleepovers, etc. It was an "exclusive FWB" FFS! What is that?! He thought about me when we weren't together. He could spend an evening where another girl would be obviously flirting with him, and he would pay no attention (not even flirt back for fun!) At the end of the night, he'd be calling me asking to come over. Why is he thinking about me being together when a cute, single, available girl is hitting on him?!
This has gone on for a year. Enough is enough. I told him I need a commitment now, and I can't have this FWB arrangement any longer. He asked that I not ignore him (like I did for the past few months, but old habits die hard...) But this time I said, No I can't pretend the last year didn't happen. He is not just some guy, a one night stand, or a guy I just met. He's my best friend of the past 4 years! I asked him to leave. I pushed him away. He made me hug him. At first I resisted. But then I just started crying into his shoulders. He cried too.
We have a lot of mutual friends so we will still be seeing each other. He asked if I will be very angry at him going forward. I said -- "y'know what? I don't feel angry. I actually feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for the fact that you don't know what you want in terms of career or relationships and you're 31. I hope you find yourself, and find what makes you happy. Don't be afraid to fall and make mistakes. It's part of learning about yourself."
And honestly, that is what I truly wish for him. Even though we may no longer be close friends, I hope he finds what truly makes him happy. Of course part of me will always love him, but being with him causes me more pain than joy at the end of the day. Is ending the friendship too harsh? He kind of feels like an ex! (Note: I can never stay friends with my exes)
Our FWB wasn't just sex -- it was passion, sleepovers, etc. It was an "exclusive FWB" FFS! What is that?! He thought about me when we weren't together. He could spend an evening where another girl would be obviously flirting with him, and he would pay no attention (not even flirt back for fun!) At the end of the night, he'd be calling me asking to come over. Why is he thinking about me being together when a cute, single, available girl is hitting on him?!
This has gone on for a year. Enough is enough. I told him I need a commitment now, and I can't have this FWB arrangement any longer. He asked that I not ignore him (like I did for the past few months, but old habits die hard...) But this time I said, No I can't pretend the last year didn't happen. He is not just some guy, a one night stand, or a guy I just met. He's my best friend of the past 4 years! I asked him to leave. I pushed him away. He made me hug him. At first I resisted. But then I just started crying into his shoulders. He cried too.
We have a lot of mutual friends so we will still be seeing each other. He asked if I will be very angry at him going forward. I said -- "y'know what? I don't feel angry. I actually feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for the fact that you don't know what you want in terms of career or relationships and you're 31. I hope you find yourself, and find what makes you happy. Don't be afraid to fall and make mistakes. It's part of learning about yourself."
And honestly, that is what I truly wish for him. Even though we may no longer be close friends, I hope he finds what truly makes him happy. Of course part of me will always love him, but being with him causes me more pain than joy at the end of the day. Is ending the friendship too harsh? He kind of feels like an ex! (Note: I can never stay friends with my exes)
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