My boyfriend overheard me venting about him!

[Vikkib]

For 6 years my boyfriend has needed to know everything I do, from refinancing MY truck, to getting new shoes, and countless other things. He freaks out if I wait to tell him things after or right before they happen. When I have confided in him, he finds a way to either throw it in me face later or say I was hiding it from him for awhile. He has always had trust issues with me, even in the beginning he had issues with me EX husband saying we were still hooking up- he is my ex- not happening! Throughout the years he has made accusations of me cheating and lying. Our breakup fight was because I had an interview but didn't tell him I was looking for a job. Instead of being excited, he dwelled on the fact I didn't tell him I applied, the one time I wanted his support he didn't come through. I was hurt and angry. Therefore, I told my Mom and friends how I felt, and expressed how he treated me. Without me knowing he was hiding in the house hearing me talk about him and my pain for about a week. He didn't tell me he heard until a week later. Of course it hurt him hearing me, but why didn't he stop me or confront me about it? Instead he has held it against me and ended the relationship.

Updates

+1 y

well to everyone who commented on my issue, thank you. He chgd his phone number and within 3 days he was calling me again, telling me he misses me and loves me. Figure that out "NOTJUSTANOTHERGUY". I know I wasn't an angel in this either but...

[themastaplan]

wow thank god you got out of that relationship...i read this then looked at your age and expected you to be under 18 or between 18-24...youre between 36-45 why are you dealing with this? what the hell is the matter with him be SO over protective...excuse me, CRAZY, over you not telling him everything right away. I mean he's up your ass about refinancing your car...hes upset because you didn't tell him about a job interview and not excited instead? this is CRAZY...literally CRAZY, I would expect this from a girl, not a guy - no offence...hes obviously has horrible trust issues with you either from something youve done or past relationships he's been in...

look my suggestion, MOVE ON, you seem like you deserve way better ... he isn't making you feel special is he? you're over 20 years older than me and I cannot believe a man, excuse me again, a boy around your age is doing this - he sounds more like a boy than a man if you ask me...you need to GET AWAY FROM THIS NOW,...i don't care how much you love him, this is not fair to you...i feel bad for you, I want to hug you and tell you everything will be OK because it seems like you need that...your boyfriend is there to support you, NOT yell at you for not telling him everything right at the second it happens - he has extreme control issues and its very very very unhealthy...

sure it hurts him hearing what you're saying about him but you know what that should be a reality check to him, to really know how you feel...he seems to be very self centered and selfish...you deserve SO MUCH BETTER! and I want you to strive for that...

find someone who makes you feel special, someone who will treat you properly, someone who can trust you and not have control issues...this guy has big problems, real big...if he doesn't realize how special you are then you need to leave...change your number if you have to, age doesn't matter in society now adays so please don't let that get you down, a lot of people over 35 feel its hard to find someoen...sure that may be true compared to someone around my age, but honestly now adays age is just a number...start worrying about yourself, be independant again, guys love independant women its sucha turn on...i want you to start caring care of yourself and NOT this bound to fail relationship you have with this control freak...take your time tho, go at your own pace, you're old enough to know what you want so go for it...do not let this guy drag you down you do not need this in your life at the moment...

i hope this helps and I hope you realize you deserve so much better...you don't have time to be upset and crying over this tool bag...go have some fun adn be independant and find that guy that's right for you...dont go looking for love tho, it will find you, I promise!

hope this helps. keep me updated if you must, but stay far away from this "guy"

GOOD LUCK!

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

When someone starts trashing on you, without knowing you are there.. popping out, and saying I'm here makes you feel even worse.. What she did, would make me leave her too. Sorry. She went to someone else he knew, about HIS and HER problems... not someone else's. Most men, don't like you bringing up relationship problems to people they come in contact with frequently.

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

And it seems like she always tell him things after the fact, which makes her seem like a liar to anyone. She want his support, yet she didn't even tell him she was looking for a job? Sounds like she didn't care too much for his support after all.

If he's such a horrible guy, why did he end up leaving her instead?

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

Sorry, the facts don't add up. She completely biased the story to make it sound like he's so bad, and yet if you decipher the BS she still sounds horrible in it.

His trust issues sound reasonable, since she expects his support on something she didn't even tell him about. She tells him things right after or just before, so he can't have a say in it. "Like hey I'm at the fair with my ex, is that okay" She doesn't sound trust-able at all. Good thing he broke up with her.

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

You know what the sad part is? He heard her say all that sh*t about him.. and still stayed with her another week, just hoping he could fix things. Then it all exploded inside, and he had to get away. And she doesn't even think about that-- just why does the asshole leave me, when I'm so great, and should have left him. No empathy.

[YellowSidewalkChalk]

Are you crazy? so you think that talking about the way your husband treats you to your loved ones is unacceptable? you should never have a girlfriend then honey because trust me, just as men talk about their girlfriends to their friends, women talk to their families and friends about the trials and difficulties in their relationships. this is reality. also it sounds like you have issues. nothing he did to her sounds "reasonable."

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

He broke up with her! How is that unreasonable? She talked about how sh*tty of a person he is right in front of him.. So he left... how is that such an asshole move of him? What was he suppose to stick around knowing that's how she honestly felt, and knowing that she has a huge list of how much she hates him, and thinks he's incapable of being a better person??

Sorry, but there's a reason this girl is up in her 40s and still single. If she can't understand why he left, she has no empathy.

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

Clearly Yellow, you can't fathom the amount of pain that would cause the guy to hear that from just beyond a wall.. He had every right to leave if he felt it hurt too much that he couldn't forget it. Then this girl makes it out, like he didn't have the right to leave such a Goddess. She needs to get off her high horse. It takes two to make a relationship work, and maybe he did fail-- but clearly, she was no better.

[jimi_s]

So true!

[candlewax]

NotJustAnotherGuy- I think you're missing the fact that this guy was a controlling ass. She's better off without him. He needs to get the sand out of his vag and learn to deal. Treating your SO like that is unacceptable. The fact she was venting about his controlling bs does not make her the bad guy, here. Would you rather she run off to a STRANGER about their problems? It's HER mother. She has every right to go to her mom about her effed up relationship.

[themastaplan]

Not just another guy...you really are just another guy...ar eyou serious right now? dood I vent about my girl problems to my boys...girls do the same...he heard it, WHOOPS too phuckin bad...youre 18 and you have a lot to learn...seriously tho, I understand why he left but who the hell wants to be in such a controlling relationship...if you think what he did isn't wrong or the correct way of doing things you'll be single or STD infested your whole life...take a chill pill bro...seriously

[themastaplan]

By teh way, that last comment was all sarcasm, don't take me seriously I'm just trying to add fuel to this fire LOL....but no man I understand both points, there are two sides to every story and if I heard his I'm sure it'd be different and id give him my opinon ...lets concentrate on her issues here tho, she's teh one looking out for some help, not him...and venting about him being controlling isn't that bad, he should realize that he needs to relax tho, can't you agree? would you want your girl like tha

[YellowSidewalkChalk]

Not another guy is not the smartest guy out there either. oh well.

[YellowSidewalkChalk]

@ candlewax. I totally agree. I WISH some guy would get p*ssed over me talking to my family and friends about his ridiculous behavior. I would drop him so quick it would make his head spin. We shouldn't tolerate lovers like that. I'm a grown ass woman. if I'm going to act like an ass I shouldn't get butt hurt and overreact to my boyfriend venting about it. if he doesn't want her feeling that way about him (or rather her telling people about) then he should have treated her better.

[Confused614]

Have to disagree with Not Just Another Guy. Relationships can be stressful and sometimes when trying to work it out between each other doesn't go smoothly. It is good to go vent to someone who knows both people and can express their opinion on the matter from a different perspective. I don't want a girl that runs to someone every little problem but it is understandable to sometimes. I've done it before.

[Alaskaman]

While it's an easy statement to point to your ex boyfriend as the problem, there's more at work here.

If you are in a relationship where things "slip your mind", that's pretty indicative that you are not all in either. Trust issues seem to run both ways on this one. Clearly you both were NOT right for one another.

Your reaction to facts that have some relevance - relationship with the ex, refinancing a vehicle, are poo poo'd. But, if this guy was contemplating marriage, these are issues that affect him too.

I definitely say it was over long before it officially ended. "why didn't he stop me or confront me" was the classic line. You were venting about him, and you made it his responsibility to prevent you from doing so. Classic passive agressive. You were responsible for what you said and why you said it.

Be thankful that the relationship is over, and do not encourage him to pursue you any further. You are absolutely not good for one another.

[YellowSidewalkChalk]

I don't know how you did it girl. I would never tolerate that. one of my exes was starting to look through my phone a couple times a week without me knowing then when he found what he thought was a "suspicious text conversation" between me and my ex. he didn't want me texting him. well I maintained compsure and resisted that urge to slap him across the face. I said," you are not my father and I honestly don't owe you an explanation on your command for who I'm texting. he is my ex boyfriend but he's also a friend and ill chat with whomever I damn well please," and that unless he wanted to find his fingers next to him on the pillow detached from his hands he had better keep them off my cell phone.

i broke up with him after 2 weeks of his evolving craziness. I don't need that in my life. insecure jealous men are a bad re-run that we have all seen. as rihanna would say, "please. what else is on?"

its a good thing that he realeased you from the grip of his crazy, whether or not you realize the gift he has given you. no woman or man should put up with jealousy and insecurity to that extent. he violated your privacy, spied on you, used what he gained from spying against you, and treated you as if you were a puppy or some child who has to come trailing behind him waiting for permission to go outside. I know it may be hard if you love him but letting him go is best for both of you. that kind of marriage grows into resentment. my parents are like that sort of. my father is a great (no WONDERFUL) dad but now that I'm older, 20, I see that he isn't a great husband. he gets upset whenever my mom wants to go out and socialize. he gets upset apparently and when I'm not around throws a fit. my mother has no real friends. maybe one. she has gone out and done some things like a pole dancing exercise class (I have a hot momma so its okay lol), and a swimming class. she went to a business party once which she never does and then I find out my dad gave her hell for it. she keeps telling me she wants a divorce and that I'm the only reason they are together. when I'm out of school she probably will go out and get the life she wants and she deserves that. I know it too. I want them to get one actually. it sucks to see my mom so unhappy, always unhappy then on top of that she doesn't even get to do what she wants without hearing his mouth. it also makes me question my dad. I'm a big believer in this: the most insecure and overbearing people in a relationship who accuse their partners of hiding something, lying, cheating are usually hiding something themselves. their insecurities and demons are reflected to them in the ones they love and that scares them to death

[YellowSidewalkChalk]

@ question asker. DO NOT take him back. If you do take him back honey you are a fool. You deserve better and you definitely can do better. Move on and gain your sense of self back and find a mature man to love you, not another overgrown insecure child. I'm not surprised he called you back. I told you its hardly ever a matter of you being in the wrong and I don't think you were. You have every right to talk to your family and make your own decisions. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

i don't know where you are at now but I can tell you that his is a learned behavior and it is almost like a habit that won't be easy to change. he has probably had these issues for most of his life, and you are on the receiving end of all of it, and it can't make for a happy life. my cousin used to date someone like this in her hs days, and when they would break up he'd come back to her crying because she had been the one to put up with him the longest. he had no one else to dump his stuff on and take control of. luckily she snapped out of the vicious cycle and told him he needed help because there was more times in the relationship that were unhappy as opposed to happy ones. she moved on and found a great guy with stability ALL around and she is truly happy now. just remember you have a right to be happy in your life and if someone, anyone, is making you miserable you have the right to walk away and enjoy the rest of your time that they have not yet wasted.

[Mommi15]

F*** HIM! (not literally). He's an asshole. I think you're stupid for staying with him that long. SIX FREAKIN YEARS! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?! Anyway, seeing as all that is over with, just leave him alone. And tell him to leave you alone. Unless he can change, and fixed his issues, then he has NO chance.

[Brando]

From the sound of it, the breakup might be the healthy thing for you. He seems like he has serious insecurity, trust, and self-esteem issues going on. There is only so much of someone's problems that you can take before they have to be the ones to take steps to fix it. You don't need someone checking into your every move.

He probably didn't confront you because in his eyes, maybe he felt like "it was the last straw" even though I see nothing wrong that you did. Also, he could be trying to make you feel bad for supposedly hurting him. Those are just two guesses though, it could be anything really. I say move on for the better.

[WeaponZero]

IMO when you find yourself asking these questions like this, you should just leave the prick. He's obviously got trust issues that prevent him from being able to be a respectable boyfriend right now, and he should wait until he's gotten over those issues to get involved with someone.

[aunin]

it seems your boy friend needs to check with a psychiatrist or perhaps a better mutual understanding between you two may do the trick. He loves you at the same time doubts you which only shows that he has mental issues and or lacks confidence

[candlewax]

I think the question is why did YOU put up with that bs for SIX YEARS?

[Bubbles_the_Magician]

He seemed like too much of a whack job. Why would you want to be in a relationship like that anyway?

[OceanLover]

sounds like you deserved better. simple as that. it ended for the better.

[martyfellow]

You should have left a LONG time ago! This kind of possessive guy usually gets worse over time...so good riddance to him!

[Anonymous]

I know it may SEEM to suck that your relationship is over, however; in this case it may be a good thing. :D

[kaitlynC1222]

U knw some guy said that on one of my questions and it really p*ssed me off no offense to you but the guy he said it about and me are still having issues

[iXenomorph]

Tell him to suck your d***. Okay, not really, but you know what I mean.

[enlightenment]

sounds like he needs to grow up and learn how to share!

[chuchu]

HE IS A CHEATER, HE IS AFRAID YOU WOULD DO WHAT HE WOULD DO.

[cutekid]

Never mind who der loser is...move on with your life

[Anonymous]

If you aren't happy find someone else, you choose to live like this, you only live once... if he accuses you of cheating he is cheating himself...

[Anonymous]

if he ended it, then move on.

[Anonymous]

make him sniff your feet <3