10 of the Best Insults Ever: Use Them Wisely

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

#InsultTheWorld

1. Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

2. I hear when you were a child your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but the mafia wanted too much.

3. Mistakes happen, Just ask your parents.

---

4. If opposites really do attract, You'll end up with someone good looking.

5. Woman, You are just not pretty enough to be this stupid.

6. Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

7. You've got the perfect weapon against stalkers - your face.

8. Tell your Mom to pick one color of lipstick, My d*ck is starting to look like a rainbow.

9. Nice face...what are you going to do when the baboon wants his ass back.

10. I'd love to screw your brains out, But somebody beat me to it.

[genericname85]

Aaand the comebacks

1. how do you know my family? Does your girlfriend tell this when she comes back from my place?

2. Good luck finding anybody capable of taking me down.

3. They should have made me earlier so I could have prevented you.

4. at least im not as ugly as you.

5. are you saying, I'm pretty? That's sweet.

6. last time i checked, your mother didn't need to be blown up.

7. Was always good enough for your girlfriend.

8. You should wash your dock some time.

9. I don't do baboons that's your problem.

10. No shit. Cause I get laid a lot. You'll have to stand in line.

[redeyemindtricks]

Top of the bell curve, kid.
(:

(think about it for a sec)

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

Is the Bell curve real again? lol

[redeyemindtricks]

But did you catch the joke
nevernotanerd.com/.../bell-curve-summiteer.png
#nurdgurl #itshopeless

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

Yeah, I did.

[redeyemindtricks]

"Is the bell curve real again?"

^^ Just in case you were actually being even sort of serious here -- "the bell curve" is ANY normal distribution. like, basically anything that has natural variation, with a standard deviation around some average. It's not just some shit book by Murray and Herrnstein about "intelligence" (which is a dubious concept to begin with, imo).

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

Yeah, I know what it is.
I also know it's been called everything from a myth to woefully inaccurate.

[redeyemindtricks]

Well, I mean, those tests are obviously measuring *something*.

But, what's lost on most people in that whole discussion -- and what's pretty fucking obvious, if you think about it -- is that the BEST place to be, on the IQ bell curve, is NOT waywayway to the right.
The BEST place to be is about 1-2 standard deviations above the mean. Above average, but NOT well into genius territory. That's basically where you'll find all the movers and shakers of society.

I mean... it's kinda funny, if you look at the website of the Prometheus Society (the "most exclusive" high IQ society -- hahahha don't get me started), they even admit that part of the inspiration for their founding is that the super IQ people, basically, can't relate to normal people. HMMMMM. Is this a good thing? Lol.

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

Only a good thing if you have an elitist and exclusionary nature, And are content with a very small group of peers.

[Waffles731]

I like,
You suck, Yo momma does too but she charges

[Intraluminal]

The *book* "The Bell Curve" has been called woefully inaccurate, but the bell curve itself is THING.

[Skadouchebag]

"If I was locked in a room with Hitler Stalin you and a gun with two bullets I'd shoot you twice."

"Your ass must get jealous from all the sh*t that comes out of your mouth."

"I want to slap you so bad, but that's animal abuse."

"You're about as useful as a GTA traffic light."

"Thank you for keeping your head shoved so far up your ass. That way we don't have to ever see that ugly face of yours."

(credit for these goes to markiplier and whoever posted the comment at 7:35 here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-_or2dUZOE&list=PL3tRBEVW0hiD1Q72dLfasVr2HfttUv7W5&index=10

)

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

I really love the GTA one!

[ObscuredBeyond]

11. "If you wanna be Miss America, you'll have to weight a while."

12. "Those poor things! I don't know which one of you to call Animal Control on!"

13. "Ew! Spider!" "No, hun... that's just the mirror."

14. "You'll be fine, dear! Freddy thinks you're already in a bear suit!"

15. Gal to guy during sex: "Was that the hot dog, or the macaroni?"

16. Guy 1: "How about you come here, and suck my..."
Guy 2: "I'm not sure I know how. Perhaps you could show me how it's done? I mean... you look like you're an expert and all."

17. Guy to fat girl: "Soo... how many are you having? There's gotta be at least six in there. Shall I start a reality show?"

[MeghanL]

18. You couldn't count your balls & get the same number twice!

[MeghanL]

19. You couldn't find your ass with both hands & a GPS!

[hazoplmeught]

@MeghanL uh 18 doesn't make sense

[MeghanL]

@hazoplmeught Refers to being incredibly stupid or incompetent.

[Dingsbums]

Those things don't insult or hurt my feelings.
Talk to a person, analyze him and insult him emotionally go against his individual weaknesses fears and doubts mistakes or against things he is different compared to others
But beware people who characterize others (insulting is also a form of characterization) characterize themselves too

Normal insults:
U look better from the distance
I would jump from a building if I had your face
Your mother was actually a father
I don't think that u are someone I want to hang out with
There are about 7 billion people on this planet and only a few could do that worse
You look cleverer than u are
Every human life has the same worth. Not sure about yours

Again I can't remember the last time I insulted someone except my sister and that wasn't serious

[EllieLexis513]

Haha, these are hilarious. I probably won't use any unless somebody is really just getting on my nerves, but still, great myTake!

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

Thanks :)

[FatherJack]

This has some of the best insults ever , this is hilarious !! Too many to list !!

https://youtu.be/3j3_iPskjxk

[Bandit74]

My favorite insult is "With all the shit that comes out of you mouth, does your ass ever get jealous?

[Nik1hil]

11) Your ass must be really jealous with your mouth, because of the amount of shit that comes out of it..

[MikeGaultier]

Response to 8: Maybe you should try showering every once in awhile.
9 cracked me up!

[Tdieseler]

*face palm* *face palm* *face palm* *face palm* *face fuckin palm*
you know the most annoying part, i actually laughed at most of these... ugh.

[clampfan101]

Do you know what episode Mr. Rogers happened to be doing that? (Or if it's Photoshop, or something?)

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

Think it's a photoshop.

[FallOutBoy2001]

Nope, that was an actual episode where he was counting

[clampfan101]

@FallOutBoy2001 Do you know the name, so I could watch it?

[FallOutBoy2001]

I do not, I apologize

[clampfan101]

@FallOutBoy2001 It's fine.

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xlow12sSdmc

There's the clip. Where is Mr. Thumpkins was the name of the segment.

[clampfan101]

Aha. I remember that song. 😊
How immature to use it like that... 😕
Well, thanks.

[Skadouchebag]

Was Mr. Rodgers English? because the middle finger isn't insulting there. In england the insulting gesture is what we Americans would recognize as a backwards peace sign.

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

@Skadouchebag Mr. Rodgers was American.

[Anonymous]

When someone is giving you a hard time when you're trying to do your job:
"Ma'am, I don't come down to where you work and jump up and down on the end of the bed".

[bluenose1872]

Your a rare kinda person, you actually are as stupid as you look

[takumii]

You must be a very nice person , because all those insults suck.

[BellePepper]

Meh... These are okay but they don't have that good crispy burn to them. Maybe those just have to be situation specific.

[Waffles731]

I prefer
You suck, yo mooma does too but she charges

[mooky06]

LMFAO! Awesome mytake

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

Thank You!

[06CuriousMind]

I can't wait to use these lol

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

Cool :D

[ThePetSquirrel]

These are all so good. Nicely done.

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

Thank You.

[vishna]

Number 4 is golden XD noice

[Deadpool7699]

This is great! i screenshotted half of them XD

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

Thanks, Man!