I wanna talk about something we all do but rarely talk about, in fact we may never speak again about our bathroom visits after we master our training... Yet some of you bastards need a refresher and air freshener!
I don't know what it's like for women but for guys unless it's at a high end shop you've go an 83% chance you're walking into a possible crime scene. Now in my mind a good public bathroom has 3 urinals, two toilets and one long sink. With a staff that regularly checks it. (Men seem more inclined to keep something clean that is clean than have to be responsible to clean it later.) Now that the image is set, time to get to the rant.
Are just for piss and the urinal cake! (Which is a very disappointing birthday treat.) If you put anything other than that in there you need to be given pads and a helmet to mark your "specialness" so I won't have to shoot you. If you find yourself the only guy set to use the urinal, Don't go for the middle one! Common practice is to leave a buffer of one between yourself and the next guy that may wander in. And for Fuck's Sake, NO TALKING!
Are Not Cave Walls! In an age where we can post the dumbest things we've ever thought online to our friends, why do you feel the need to carve/mark it on the stalls. No one can read your dumb, misspelled homophobic/racist rant anyways so what's the point. And has anyone ever actually called the "Girl" for a good time?! "Hey, it's Dave. I just got your number from the bus stop restroom and I'm looking for a good time!" (Though it would be a funny "So how'd y'all meet" story.) If you feel need to carve it in make sure it's on your arm so you can just bleed out and save the rest of the world from your "insights."
P.S. The metal support bar is not a "catch all" for you boogers and gum!
While most of you know well of the belly button variety the second and more unknown form of lint collects at the top of the ass-crack. Probably left by the brother of the moron who pisses on the seat because he's too important for the Urinal. Now there's a good chance that we all turn around to flush and to make sure we don't have to run for a plunger. So it makes little sense to me, when you look back and see the lint on the seat and don't WIPE THAT CRAP OFF! If you are dirty enough to leave that the least you can do is add it to the flush. And tell your brother to lift the fucking seat!
Is not a make shift urinal so no arching the stream up! It's for Washing Hands, which more of you fuckers need to do! Ladies and Men alike. It's called back splash and it's on your hands. Your dirty piss covered hands. Then on your way out and you if stunk it up, Warn a Brother! (Maybe change your diet too.)