He says I control him? what does he mean?;[?

[Majesticblooms]

we have dated over a year 1/2 .. ugh i feel like this whole time i been controlling him but i dont know how?

Updates

+1 y

what can i do !!!

[thetundrawolf]

Deep inside, you are afraid of having any faith in him.

Part of you is scared you must control every aspect of who he is, and what he does- so the outcome will always be pleasing to you.

It will work okay for a while, until, he figures out about it, or life happens- either way- you're screwed and the relationship is marred or lost.

You have done it so often, and it has gone so deep into your character- that you no longer are even conscious of it.

the desire to want to keep our fingers in every aspect of other's lives is often strong, because we know, that when we have control, things end up a way we planned. People are such screw ups, right?

Well, you're a screwup, too. You;re a human being, just like everyone else.

It is very important for you not to in any way elevate yourself (In your mind) above your boyfriend, because it will be easy to fall into this trap, thinking you must babysit him.

It'll only piss him off.

Your mother likely was/is this way with your father- and I guarantee he is bitter because of it.

Many women fall into this trap, and very few get out- even after their 4th divorce.

Make the conscious decision to analyze your actions. Are you doing this because you are worried he will do the "wrong" thing? Are you saying this to manipulate him? To change a course of action?

It is powerful to think that you have that much control- and you do- to a degree- until he finds out.

You need to force yourself to let him go. Let him be him. Never take his reigns in your hands and try and steer him- you will steer him out of your hands and into the arms of a woman who will let him be him.

There is a lot of healing that must be done in you. it is going to be painful, difficult, and terrifying to let him go. I don't mean break up. I mean trust him.

You have to let him go like you would let your own child go.

It might sound weird and messed up, but that is exactly how you are treating him.

[EBook]

typical for "control" would be that the woman sets rules before sex for him to obey and that is how the woman usualy controls the man.
1/2+ year dating is a lot of time where you have got to know him already and you can by now say whether you want to have sex with him or not. what you can do is to tell him today that if he wants then your body is all his, in case you have a deep desire for his body but if you dont want him, break up with him today. if you like to control him, keep on controlling.

[Anonymous]

You wear the pants.
Either you're too bitchy and aggressive. You blackmail and pull the strings like a pro, or he is too passive and cowardly.

If you are being too bitchy and completely unmanageable, you can tone it down and problem solved.
But if he is the problem, being submissive to a guy who doesn't know how to take charge in a relationship is pointless. He has to initiate leadership and take over, you can't initiate HIS leading of the relationship.

All he is doing now is complaining about you not being submissive enough, which is the opposite of what a dominant man would do if he felt he was controlled by a woman. By simply complaining he is countering the very role he wants to have. Sad irony one might say.

Try to tone down on manipulation and/or bitchiness if that's what you are doing. But I'm sorry, you can't teach a boy to act like a man. If he can't figure it out, or learn it from some man, you'll have to leave. =/

[knotme]

Doing everything in the relationship; if you feel that way stop doing it

[Anonymous]

You control what he does, says where he goes, if he doesn't text your mad, if he doesn't come to visit your mad but it can go many
ways too, some can be his issues is what causing you to be controlling
Example: It's Winter time, cold outside
my cousin bitches that my heat is high
and the house is too warm she turns the
thermostat down the house gets cold than
i control her by going down, shutting the
thermostat off to the furnace out anger
she said, oh my gawd it's so cold in here
than i am getting cold too, i go down turn
it on. This is cause of her not me at all
there is no reasoning with her well she got
issues lets put it that way.

[Argus14]

Not giving much to work with so I'm just going to generalize. Not saying these all pertain to you but some May or may not.

You're bossy.
Doesn't like him doing what he wants
Gets upset if he disagrees with you or doesn't want to do what you want
Withhold sex and or affection when you feel the least bit slighted
Don't like him hanging out with his friends
Get jealous way to easily
Overly emotional

These are just some signs.

[Majesticblooms]

oh man :[ thanks what can I do? he gave me reasons but i shouldn't treat him that way

[Argus14]

Address the issues your boyfriend brought up. Loosen the reigns up a bit.

[Majesticblooms]

you basically said it but how can i chill may i say? i live with him

[Argus14]

Allow him to make decisions.
Don't fuss when he wants to go see his friends.
Try not to take it personally when he disagrees with you.
Get a hold of your emotions.

[Majesticblooms]

Ugh it's hard but if it's going to help us i'll do it i will let go and do what's right..

[Insaan]

May be you always watch his movements? May be you never listen to him? May be you call him too much?

[Iron_Man]

Give him some free space dont push him so hard he's not your child

[Majesticblooms]

you are right... is that one way to push him into cheating on me or?

[Iron_Man]

I wouldn't say it would drive him to cheat on you but if you keep pushing him hard he might tell you we need a break and once that happens that could spell the end soon.