xandria_23 wants to hear from Guys only. Login to share your opinion.
I actually think the complete opposite. I would say that EQ - emotional intelligence is by far the biggest problem of ours, men's hah. I'm extremely emphatic, emotional, introvert (ic), open/honest.. So talking, discussing emotions and actually showing them is almost not avoidable for me. I just knowing when I can talk about it and when I can show everything or just a small piece. Or I should say with whom. :)
And there isn't anything wrong with that, wow that was a great opinion to my question!!!
I'm not that type of guy (to act all tough) and even I feel like I "have to". It's ingrained in us right from birth and reinforced by EVERYONE, society, media, other guys, and even other women! Comments like "suck it up" (a very popular one), "get over it", among several others. A lot of guys view it as "weakness" or "unmanly" which is ridiculous. Unfortunately something that will likely never change.
You're right. It's ridiculous
Most of the time we keep it with in ourselves for mostly 2 reasons
1. We don't how to express our situation: If we are hurt or depressed, the real reason behind is hard to put in words.
2. We don't know with whom we should discuss : We just don't know who to tell... people who can understand what's happening without saying much.
i may be wrong but this is my point of view.
Well, as for me. I discuss my troubles with my family, mom and sis gets it 9 times out of 10.
Yeah some have told me those two reasons, and that's good
Actually, I don't care about these people's sayings like these and I just be myself while introducing myself. I also pity those guys because, in my opinion, they don't feel emotions as much as they should, and they just manage us to lie to the people with counterfeit personalities. I love myself with my sensitivity and my light emotions. The rest shouldn't be cared by those. As Drake says in Hotline Bling: "You should just be yourself, right now you're someone else."
But also the guys should prove that they're strong enough to face the problems they have with the others or with the hardships they suffer bravely. And they also have to prove themselves in the community they exist. Otherwise, they'll be seen as nerds or noobs, and they'll lose the respect they desire. They can do it in order to be a man. But sometimes, you should put your hands up and look for your rights in front of the jokers.
I wish I had a "bad ass high five button" cause to me that was such a great response! Loved the Drake reference, and I totally get what you're saying, I wish more guys would think like how you're thinking about it
There's a difference between showing another side of you and not being able to handle life.
The man that visibly can't handle life is going to have a hard time for sure.
That's true
today I found 3 questions of girls implying why guys should be these tough beings who need to be fearless, put others in their place etc.. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2602734-are-there-still-dominant-guys-out-there-bc-i-have-yet-to-find-one
this is one of them. This is why guys are like this. Women dont like softer men, in fact when a lot of women see men showing some emotion they see it as a vulnerability and will try and break him down because they like the power struggle. it gives them a trip.
True. Women might disagree as much they want, a man needs to be strong to attract them. I've never seen a scaredy cat get laid at a club.
@Anonymous I like soft guys, that's just me but a guy who is able to just you know talk with me and not feel like he's being a little b
@SweetScreams, Not all women are like that though
to bad you are just a fictional character women are not like this in real life
I'm a fictioal character? That is the way I see it, I'm the exact way the way I typing to you and others, not all women are the same I'm just saying
yep a fictional character probs a 13 year old little boy with peach fuzz on his face
@xandria_23
So you'd date someone that cries over the little stuff and is unable to start a conversation by himself? Because that are the kind of males that were talking about.
and @SweetScreams, no. There is a difference between someone crying over every little thing and just being able to vent about stuff
@xandria_23 its ok I forgive you.
we both know you are sorry
If you have to vent, do sports. Nothing beats putting all your emotions in a game and coming back home tired. Crying just doesn't beat it for a man, it leaves them unsatisfied. Thats how we work.
@SweetScreams sports are a good vent. although art/music is good too. something to express it.
that's a defense men. they do not feel comfortable to show their true side so they act tougher than usual. it's not manly, it's pretty annoying
I can see how some guys will act tougher, I just don't get why, I mean I do but then I don't
it's either they want to feel badass or they are not confident enough
What do you feel? If you don't mind me asking
I am confident person in general. I try being more humble than anything. I personally won't act tough. if I need to, I will.
gotta act hard unless I'm with my close friends. don't wanna be a p***y
Well what's your definition of being a "pussy" Would your friends judge you based on how hard you are acting? or if you were acting any less than hard?
if i talk about my feelings about a girl or how i got sad at a movie or sad anytime really I'm at risk of being labeled a pussy. some of my friends might understand it but others will trash me for it.
once a girl sees a guy cry he's got no shot with her. girls think they want to see him be "sensitive" but then when he cries they think he's a little wimp
Personally, I am not like that. I haven't ever been like that, I like that a guy will open up and tell me things. Once I see a guy cry I don't feel bad or try to make him feel any less. I don't think it's "he's got no shot with her" depends what girls can see you know?
for me it's mental I am very sensitive with women we relate and we're both comfortable but with guy I am on constant gard and it's a thing that is just apart of me I act tough because I am but I rather be tough like some of the women I know
I could see why you would do that
it's the way society has taught has to act right from infancy. On the outside most men will try to act macho. But I believe there is always this one woman out there who a man can be himself and show his soft side to.
Exactly! That's what I was thinking and I mean I hate to see my friends act like they don't care about stuff but when it really comes down to it and w we're one on one they let everything out and they feel like they can't talk to anyone about things
I feel like we do, I mean you can't just keep things bottled up, I mean I do it and it sucks but hey I choose that and it's cause I don't trust anybody
That's true
I don't feel I have to act tough, but I'm not good at showing emotions
Why aren't you good at showing emotions? Just wondering you don't have to answer
Not to jump in and answer but most guys dont process emotions the same way as the fairer sex. There is no actual reason to it, its just something that comes with the gender (obviously not 100% the time)
that's not entirely true. my older brother is very emotional. he wears his heart on his sleeve. and there are a lot of macho dudes that feel like it's not ok to cry or show emotions. I don't agree with that as long as there is a good reason behind it. @xandria I don't know why I am the way I am. i think it has to do with my approach to situations. I don't like to be caught off guard. So I have a prepare for the worst and hope for the best type of mentality. I've actually had some tough things to deal with and I've had times where I've had people around me crying because of things that happened and I just think to myself about why I'm not crying and can't show any emotion. I'm not holding back any feelings. I have no problem saying how I feel, but my actions just don't reflect my thoughts. I don't know if that makes sense
@the50watt, It's something that comes with the gender? Could you be specific on that for me?
both genders embrace certain traits a lot of the time, obviously not all the Time though. girls are more generally caring whereas guys are cold and calculating. girls most embrace their feelings whereas guys tend to let them build up. obviously this isn't 100% the time but I'm not sure why.
I'm ok with showing my soft side but I only show it to people I'm close with.
Yeah that seems good, can't just show that side to just anyone because I mean I would feel like it's personal
Men are not metal robots. Men have emotions as well
Exactly. You have feelings like anyone else
I don't. I'll act the way I am, singing out loud but not really because it's just mumbled to music I like, watching and promoting Disney movies. I'm a completely open book.
That's not a bad thing, I used to think that being an open book was a bad thing but I'm glad I'm like that
I see where it can be sort of bad now
There's no reason to show "softer" side for randoms. It's unmanly.
Besides, I have a feminine side, it's called my girlfriend. lol
liked the answer bro !
I don't act tough really more distant and aloof but there are times when i show my "soft side" I suppose but primarily that's just me bein more sensitive when the situation calls for it
Yeah we do that due to the media etc plus due to this we dont know how to explain it in the first place
Understandable
you kinda have to, women dont need another pussy, they already have one
I mean why see it as being a "pussy" having someone to talk to you and just not always acting tough isn't a pussy thing it's being a human being cause you feelings, right?
yeah but women are naturally abusive, not saying its malicious, but biologically you keep pushing your man until you can walk over him, because bioligically you want a guy who you can look up to and say he's the shit, so you gotta stay on your toes, you can be open about feelings now and again, but as soon as you feel he's a pushover, you stop respecting him, and thats where relationships go south
See that's the thing @hippietri, I don't want a guy and for me to always think oh yeah he's the shit I can walk all over him and oh he'll always be there or something about that he doesn't care, I like that a guy opens up, cause if you can listen to me talk about my complaining more than an hour then hell I'll listen to you and I won't complain, I mean that's me personally I guess
yeah i guess im generalizing and not all women are like that, its just what i found in my previous relationships and saw with my parents and sisters, a funny rule i found online was, the amount of time it takes her to pussy you up, is the time she'll stick around to enjoy you being a pussy x) it does sound a bit masochistic but I've noticed none of my ex's noticed that was what they were doing and i think neither did my mom when my parents were still together
@hippietri yeah I totally get that, but yeah I just wanted to see how guys felt about it all and that's a funny rule lol
eh, I don't act all tough persay but I do say you gotta get over is a lot
I'm always an open person to emotions and just being myself. Aloha for me is always a great way to be with others. But never take someone's kindness for weakness.
yes, only to someone really close. Guys have to be tough. that's the primal instinct.
I don't do it because I feel as though I should, I do it because being emotional is not productive.
Why do you feel that way though? I've asked my guy friends that and they just say it's a guy thing
Because, over the course of my life so far, every instance where I let my emotions get the best of me lead to me either being fucked over or just falling on my ass, figuratively.
I could see where the whole you know just acting tough comes in, well damn. Yeah for me I just act like I don't care honestly
I feel the need to be myself
Love it.
unfortunately.
I hate it cause I mean oh it's alright for us girls to be all sensitive but when it comes to guys it's a totally different story
as a guy, you want to be mentally and physically strong, being sensitive is a good attribute too, but often times other men see it weakness rather than a more complete and real guy. and being seen as weak is undesirable. what i find matters is sharing that with a girlfriend as they'll be the one who actually appreciates it.
That's a really great response! Thanks for letting me know your thoughts on it
I tend to, though I'm not scared to cry
See it isn't a bad thing to do not exactly but I know guys will say it's a weak thing to do and I personally don't think it is
I'm sensitive guy.. I grew up being an adult as a kid
No, but I can understand why a lot of guys do it.
Why though? Like why do you think guys do?
Because when us guys grow up where taught from a very young age that we have to be men. That includes being tough, not crying, showing dominance, and speaking authoritatively. And also I'm going to be honest, a lot of women are attracted to the tough image. That soft side just makes us looks weak if we show it too much.
I get that I totally get that, but I've known tons of guy and literally any time they felt that they were showing weakness they would just automatically drop it or act as if it's not big deal, like I feel it's alright to show your soft side here and there but almost every guy I know they don't show it what so ever unless it's just me and the other person
yes get over it
Get over it? Why just get over it?
All the time
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