Why do you think people bully?

Question

I mean I get why people say it's because they're jealous of you, but that's not always the case. When I was 11 I liked a boy a year older than me, and his friends found out and started following me around every recess and whispering in my ear how ugly I was. It may sound like not a big deal whem you read it lile that, but it took me years so get through it. It shattered my self confidence so much, to this day I sometimes feel unworthy of love or a partner, or I get this thought in the back of my mind "Why would he like you? You're ugly. Of course, he doesn't". As I've gotten older I just can't understand how you'd do that to an 11 year old girl who never even crossed a word with that boy I liked. It's not like I was annoying and following him around or harassing him or whatever. It was a silly crush. So, what do you think it was in this case? Since they didn't even know me AT ALL.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

The problem is you were young and you liked the wrong kind of person you didn't know. It is a learning experience you had to see for yourself that you cannot just like a person. they weren't necessarily wrong about he may not feel the same way. But they gave them no right to target, harass, bully, and emotionally abuse you. It is not a silly crush. Because if somebody did that to you know and it was serious, you would have broken down. And not just because you experience trauma, but because the reality is everybody cannot just like you without knowing you. You would have to be really pure in heart and in soul for somebody to really see you and not just your physical and outer appearance. I had went through similar experiences growing up. And I am only telling you how this world works. It is based on sex. Not love or "silly crushes".

People are teaching kids wrong about romance, crushes, sex, etc. Crushes are not just crushes. These are your first romantic experiences that are sacared and private. However, people were taught back then to be mindful on who they are developing crushes and feelings for. If you were taught this, you would know who is who and who you are crushing.

So you had to learn this life lesson, sadly the hard way the way you did. It is NOT, however, entirely your fault. You were a child. It is the adult's responsibility to teach you this important lesson. At the same time, I am going to tell you what the problem was. You have low self-esteem and insecurities. You attracted a guy who equally had the same problem, but he is aggressive and allowed his "friends" to torment you further. That's all. That isn't just bullying, it is harassment and abuse. What they did was criminal. And nobody scolds them or holds them accountable for the deviant behavior.

People bully for all sorts of reasons. Jealousy is just part of it besides insecurities. But also that in this world, if your not of the world they see you as an enemy. If your born different from this world, you get attacked. It's like a virus. The body attacks what doesn't belong in the body.

Again, you cannot just like somebody and you don't even know them. They don't know you. You have to figure out yourself as well as WHY you liked and crushed after somebody. It is not always logical. But in the real world, in real life, you must have logical and rational reasons to develop crushes and feelings for a person, and that is assumed you already know who they are and the type of person they are. Had you known he was like this, would you had a crush on him?

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

I know a guy who said he bullied people when he was younger and he said he did it because his parents treated him bad and he was full of anger and bitterness that he wanted to release to the world. I know another guy who bullied and his dad had gotten cancer months after he was born and for 13 years he lived with a cancer patient and an exhausted and stressed out mom and he bullied out of anger over that. I know a guy who robbed somebody and beat them up and he was angry inside because of a rape that happened to him when he was a child. And I know a friend who used to make fun of me but she was bitter because her dad used to get drunk and beat her up when she was a kid. I used to hate weak people because nobody in my family ever tried to protect me when I was weak or scared or helpless as a kid and most of the time they tried to increase my suffering for no reason. I changed but it was extremely difficult for me to correct my behaviour, extremely difficult, and without God’s help it would have been impossible.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I was a bully growing up. This is why:

It's because it's normal. I grew up as the weird kid. I had a stronger, bigger, older brother, and kind of a bad home life. I learned to not take things seriously, and to just make fun of things. I just stopped caring slowly. Turns out, I'm actually smart, both in abstract puzzles and figuring people out, and I just started bullying people and would hit people where their true flaws were without ever realizing it was actually hurting them, or that it wasn't how people were just treated. It was kind of weird because I'm also the type of person to sit and talk if I notice you're having a bad day or help whenever you're struggling.

However, I would make fun of people for being fat, gay, weak, ugly, dumb or anything else that struck me as different about you. I made fun of a kid so hard that he started lifting weights, got into shape and went from being the fat kid to the strong kid. He told me that making fun of him so much actually motivated him to change his life. The thing is that I didn't even realize I made fun of him. It was just natural to how I spoke to people. I've gotten better about bullying people, and now I just banter pretty good, but sometimes it's still a little harsh.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

From what I see most people bully because they're getting bullied at home and get treated like shit at home so then they have to come to school and take that out on other people most boys are fucking little punks they couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag most police don't have an identity so they make one if you're ever bullied look that person straight guy and then smack him right in the face as hard as you can if you let them keep pushing you around they will keep pushing you around the kick the fuck out of them once and it will leave you alone if you can't do it get your big brother get a friend who cares it's the shit out of that person come against fighting but I'll tell you what when it comes to bullies I don't like them because they are pussy punks I hate people that are loudmouth I hate people that pick on other people that can't defend themselves and when I see that going on I will step right up to the plate I don't care how big the guy is I don't care what he looks like what he's doing I'm not going to allow it to happen and please don't all you have to do is show them that you're scared one time and they will keep picking on you stand up to them

Anonymous · Answer

There's quite a few cases actually..
1. They are jealous.. that could be a reason for other bullying cases but not yours. Whether someone is good looking, getting good grades, or may just want something that they have.
2. Power- they may just want power over you and find you as an easy Target.
3. Popular- they may think bullying you will get them more popular or give them the attention they desire.
4. Entertainment- they may think your reaction is funny or they may think calling you ugly is funny.
5. Insecurity (kind of fits in with jealously but not really)- Putting you down might make them feel better about themselves.
6. They are just mean and stupid people- most people who are just mean are most likely mean to everyone and not just you. So don't take it personal:)

Those are the reasons I have I've been bullied myself too, and honestly I would always turn the other check and try to kill them with kindness they hated that haha. Still bullying affects my self esteem too sometimes but I try not to let it get to me or it would consume me.

DiscomfortZone · Answer

Well, according to research in the relevant fields (psychology, sociology and education) bullies harm others for reasons like control, social status, misplaced anger/fear, personal traumas and so on. It very rarely has anything concrete to do with the victim. The only thing you did wrong was fail to protect yourself. Either by telling a figure of authority or smashing one of their faces in with a rock - you should have done something for yourself. Probably the result of inadequate education (and you're far from being the only one) and still, the best way to stop a bully is punishing them in the most painful way (physically, mentally, emotionally and/or socially).

I was bullied in 8th grade, kid was bigger and stronger. One day I snapped and hit him with a chair till he had to be evacuated to a hospital. His parents got the police envolved, too bad he bullied people in front of dozens of witnesses (his parents were really shamed by the cops for being so aweful at, well, being parents). Point is he never bullied me again. Mission accomplished.

RingOfFire · Answer

It's natural behavior for kids. When I grew up they didn't call it "bullying" they called it normal behavior for kids.

Human beings are competitive. It's a survival instinct. It's completely normal and I think it is good for kids to learn that not everyone in the world is their friend, some people are evil, you can't succeed without being competitive and that you have to defend yourself. That's what builds strong kids with high self esteem.

I think this business of coddling kids and telling them that they are being "bullied" turns them into snowflakes who think that every little thing that they don't like is scary and that they are helpless victims who can't defend themselves and are put upon by everyone else. It's terrible. Let kids learn how to deal with people like that and stop telling them they are helpless victims. It is ruining our society. We now have several generations of these snowflake kids who run away and cry, can't defend the country and constantly think they are victims. LET KIDS BE KIDS!

Tylermassengill · Answer

Often times people bully because they are insecure, they are having a rough home life, or something else that makes them feel powerless and hurt so they bully others to feel better about themselves and feel in control and feel like they have power so they don’t feel as powerless as they did. That’s the main reason is for power and control, however there are some people who just like to see people in pain. I’m sorry that happened to you but just know that everyone deserves someone to love and to be loved, you are good enough.

Skankhunt · Answer

Reasons why people may bully others:
1: Jealousy
2: They once got bullied themselves
3: Hard time at home
4: Low self-esteem
5: Low self-confidence
6: They want to fit in (with certain people at school or work etc)
7: They are afraid to get bullied, so instead they bully other people
8:: They have no empathy
9: They are insecure, so they bully others to feel good about themselves
10: They feel powerful
11: Entertainment (malicious pleasure)
12: They feel superior (narcissistic)
13: Bad influence ( it could be friends or parents)

Mynameisbobby · Answer

People who bully other people don't like themselves at all. Those boys were bullying you actually had nothing to do with you it was about them not liking who they are. I know it still hurts I have been bullied before and it hurts. You were probably a pretty little girl but they didn't like themselves so they took it out on you. I'm in counseling because my sister bullied me everyday she is 5 years older than me and I'm kinda ashamed to say that I was bullied by girls when I was younger too. But I'm learning that it wasn't about me it was about them. I'm sorry you had to go through all that bullying.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Don't feel bad you must be doing better then them those boys now grown man are probably losers working minimum wage. They were stupid and still are. I try to stay away from people I went to school with because of the drama they created. Turns out I have a better life and income while they are a bunch of losers working at McDonald's while they thought they were cool when they were in school. Last thing was on my graduation this idiot that used bother me at school bump on my car because she was driving 70 on a 50 speed limit that was it.

The_Maphio · Answer

If you're the bully, you're asserting dominance even though you're more often than not a complete dumbass without an ounce of strenght to actually keep up the charade if the bullied decides to fight back.
If you're the bullied, you should suplex the fucker on the nearest table, but you're probably not doing it because you're afraid of fighting or just don't feel good enough to fight back.
So basically, if you're not somebody that just lives their life among every other normal person, you're somehow flawed in your character and your parents should intervene presto, lest you grow up being a fucking dick or an oversensitive pussy.

Xitomyth · Answer

Assuming they were around your age, they didn't know any better, or that's what they knew at home, or they were jealous for some reason. young kids like that tend to emulate the world around them, so it's likely they experienced it themselves or witnessed it by adults and just thought it normal. It could have been seen on tv, or read in a book, etc. You get the idea... Also, some people bully their crush, not sure why, usually to garner attention, even if it's negative. If I knew then what I know now... But I believe they had some reason to not like you, what I cannot say without details about who you were, your family, etc. Thought the odds are slim, it's possible they thought they were protecting their friend from you. Kids that age don't understand love, most think it's disgusting and will change them for the worse. That could be it.

jshm2 · Answer

In your case, it was more a neg tactic to keep you out their group.

You must have been "something" for them to have gone to such lengths to keep you out of it. Maybe you made one of their girlfriends insecure? ? No one knows now, but you could always reconnect over Facebook to see if they remember.

As for why people bully. It can be an Alpha thing to piss on you and show dominance. It can be a neg tactic to keep you away, or it can be just for the hell of it, as they are bored.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I'm from the East Coast of the US and growing up in middle school I was a victim of severe bullying where I was bullied with being hurt physically and mentally along with verbal abuse and you never forget the bullies and also I have graduated with them from high school also being a teen I was upset cause of my high sex drive, overweight, hyperactive and later on in my adult years I became Bipolar , Schizo-effective disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder plus a bunch of physical health issues yes life has been a gamble but I pray about things

joshua_francis · Answer

I think either they was just being spiteful and unkind

Or they were trying to stop their friend getting with you maybe they judge you too soon for being year younger and didn't want their friend being with you because of the age gap. When your younger an age gap is a big thing where as when your older it isn't

As I don't know the people I can't say which one of these it was for sure maybe a bit of both. But based on what you said they weren't being kind. No matter their intention even if their intention was good was protecting their friend from being judged for potentially being with somome younger they should have been more kind grown up about it and said how they felt. Whispering in your ear unkind things is NOT ok at all that's really unkind.

naraku · Answer

Looking back to some bullies from school, they all came from tough home's. I guess they take out there own anger and frustration out on whoever they target. I also remember that if you spoke to them 1-1 they would often be fine and generally you could tell a good person. Weird huh?

I remember about a week the main bullies picked on me and though I can't remember what now, what they tried to tease me about just was lame. Still, I remember turning around one day and punching one in the guts. He went down like a sack of potatoes, the rest laughed at him, I got into trouble and had to apologize to the bully!
My crush also grabbed me by the hand led me off and lectured me as well even though she knew why I did it.
Tough day's. ha!

Anonymous · Answer

I asked a boy once why other boys do that... in my case all the boys in my class taped their noses up to their foreheads so it was scrunched up. Appearing they thought it was cute that my nose did this when I laughed. I was a little more hot tempered. I poured water on all the boys at recess. I received detention but my brain at that time thought it was worth it. The teacher made each boy apologize to me. Children do not think through the consequences of their actions or how it will be viewed/received by the target of their attention. I had a temper and thick skin so I survived but I still struggle with my reaction to bullies. I’m sorry you experienced this. If it makes any difference more than likely these boys were jealous that their friend had someone they thought was cute liking him.

David92506 · Answer

It seems to me that people bully other people is to address the issue of their insecurity. They bully because it feels good to them. The power they have over you. They can manipulate you to do things and it feels good.

An equally important question is why do some people always get bullied?

genericname85 · Answer

because they weren't fortunate enough to grow up in a household that nurtured them properly or they live in a social sphere that is otherwise problematic.
mentally healthy and well adjusted human beings don't bully.

Hannah_le · Answer

Out of jealousy , toxic household and so they have built of emotions , and overall lack self esteem and pick on others who would be more quiet or weak. I know cuz as a kid I got bullied a lot by guys alwayss and then in middle school when it came time most of them apologized. But some people are just assholes and don’t rlly have a reason tbh.

Biancam13 · Answer

A) insecurity
b) envy or jealousy
c) wanting to fit in/ popularity
d) wanting to impress someone else
e) they themselves are getting bullied by someone else
F) troubled home life or in some other area of their life

insecurity ties into most of these reasons, though

Hidden_P · Answer

They do it because they think it’s funny, and the bully’s who persist are doing it because they enjoy the control.

In adults, people bully as a form to protect themselves. If you are aggressive and formidable nobody would dare pick beneath the surface. Often these people have the big secrets to hide.

FictionalCharacter · Answer

I always thought people/kids/teens especially. Bullied was because they were spoiled and had everything handed to them in life, despite their behavior at times. Compared from other people/kids/teens who were severely disciplined or abused by their parents or had the guidance of teaches for life.

Why do you think people bully?

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