Should I give the girls a chance that rejected me for being overweight in the past?

[Anonymous]

I use to be overweight and there were girls that rejected me due to being overweight which there's nothing wrong with that. So i started working out & improved my weight & physique. At some point i ran into the girls that rejected me because these girls i met at my college & they started treating me differently and were more nice & wanted to have conversations with me. 4 out of the 6 that rejected me in the past were interested and wanted to date me. But i remember the past and i can't let that go. In the past they didn't even want to talk to me as friends & made up excuses to stop talking to me. But now all of a sudden the interests is there and they're acting really nice. I don't know if i want to date any of them because they just seem fake as fuck acting like that. They're very pretty but still that's not enough for me to just forget about the past. What should i do?

[lilyanony1]

I'm just gonna put this put this out there without reading your content.

When we're growing up we are taught constantly about good health.
We may not know how to obtain it but we know the basics good healthy food and exercise.
Most young people of dating age is looking for a partner to have fun with.
No someone that can't keep up.
Someone that may have underlying issues
It's harsh but it's true.
Unless you have a medical condition contributing to your weight unfortunately it makes you a unlikely candidate in the first round.

Can we blame them, maybe? A little.
Or do we blame a society that focuses on purer beauty over inner?

It's not nice and doesn't seem fair but it also is life.

Imagine all those girls that looked like nerds in school, suddenly starting to blossom, they're not going to want to bring their status down. Catch my drift.

Think of mean girls when it comes to certain things.

It takes courage to step outside the box, and if you can see things for what they are you can now filter through the ones suddenly interested and actually gives the ones with the looks and the brains a chance.

Noone wants a shallow and dense partner.

Good luck

[Asker]

Are you implying that im being shallow?

[lilyanony1]

Is that all you took from my response?
The bottom line is there will be mean pretty girls, shallow and dense and then their will be the glow up intelligent girls.
If you believed in inner beauty maybe you may have stayed bigger. But I presume you understood it was unhealthy and that it made you an unlikely candidate in the dating pool. Think about this not from a defeatist perspective but one that actually has more context behind it

[Asker]

I'd still date an overweight girl though. I still respect and am nice to people regardless of what they look like. I have the "wasn't good for you before, probably not good for you now" attitude. I don't want to date fake ass people

[lilyanony1]

Well then we agree!

[Puppystarfish23]

No definitely not. You sound like really sweet guy and you deserve a lot better. I can see why someone wouldn't want to date you if you were overweight because of health implications that would be my reasoning I don't want to stand around and see someone I love slowly poison themselves just like with drugs, alcohol and smoking.

But why go to all that effect to better yourself to then date a superficial, two faced bitches. You deserve better than that. They didn't even want to know you and treated you like crap back when you were fat and there's no excuse to treat people like that. Being kind cost nothing.

If they didn't want to know you at your worse they can't have you at your best. Get yourself a nice girl who loves you for you inside and out. Best of luck and well done on the weight lost 👍

[Puppystarfish23]

Effort*

[MrBadd]

Why did you start working out? It sounds like you did it to start getting more women right? Now you're getting more women interested in you.

You just lost the weight. Which means that the reason you were overweight was because you were lazy. It also means that you can keep yourself in shape if you don't get lazy again. I know this because I experienced the same thing and did the same thing. So ignore all of the talk about "she might leave if you get fat again". Just don't get fat again.

Every other new woman you meet would probably have done the exact same thing. I mean you can leave this women alone if you like, plenty more fish in the sea and all that, but they're no different from other women who didn't meet you when you were fat.

I'd say don't take advice from people with loser mentalities.

[Asker]

Because they treated me like shit not even wanting to have a conversation or talk to me at all. But then act fake as fuck the minute i look different. I don't need fake ass people in my life

[MrBadd]

In what ways did they treat you like shit?

[Asker]

One was just looking away and then gave me a nasty ass look. Like if you don't want to talk, just tell me instead of acting like you're disgusted towards me. And then the other 3 actually brought up my weight and said they don't date bigger dudes and told me to lose weight before trying to talk to women. But it's their fake ass enthusiasm i can't stand

[MrBadd]

Ok. Yeah there's a difference between not being attracted to someone and being rude about it. That's a sign that they have an unpleasant personality.

The ones who said they don't date bigger dudes and to lose weight before you date women really did you a favour. Again, not saying date them, if you feel this way it's probably best that you don't. But they lit a fire under your ass that drove you to better yourself.

[JackofSpades]

I wouldn't want to have any kind of meaningful relationship with these women.
The only exception being if a LOT of time has passed and I have reason to believe that she was just in a shallow college bitch phase back then and has since grown out of it.

I'm not this kind of guy but if they're hot and you're interested in hookups or fuck buddy kind of relationships. They might be a decent option.
But otherwise I wouldn't recommend you waste your time and affection on them.

[kidvid80]

if they rejected you solely off your looks before, now all of a sudden are into you? shows how shallow they are. they wouldn't be the type of girl you probably want in your life. if they didn't wanna put effort into you before and stopped talking to you etc, you don't owe them any effort or time now to be honest. and congrats on your weight loss!

[Asker]

Thank you ma'am

[Espresso-Grande]

While it's okay for the women who rejected you to have their personal preferences, I don't believe you should give them a chance just because they accept you now due to you losing weight.

The reason being-imagine it develop into a long-term committed relationship, and years into the future you develop an illness that causes you to gain weight - what will she do then? Turn her back on you because you've gained weight again?

A persons loyalty to you shouldn't be based on your appearance. I'd question someone's character and level of loyalty if they'd only stand by me if I stayed slim and fit. Anyone can develop an illness that causes them to gain weight. Some medications alone can cause a person to gain weight. Gaining weight is sometimes beyond a person's control.

[JoseyWales4]

Here’s the deal. There’s nothing wrong with girls having physical preferences. But they way you describe them. They sound awful shallow and cruel. You tried being nice and taking to them and they didn’t give you the time of day. Now when you’re a sexy stud, they want to be friends. SHALLOW!! Look you have to ask yourself, is there anything besides their beauty or their looks that they can offer. Because they aren’t gonna be hot forever and it’s not hard to find hot girls. They’re literally everywhere.

also this. They turned you down. And now they want you because you’re good looking. They have all the cards here, they have all the power in the social dynamic. Don’t you want to take back control and turn the balance of power to you. I’d tell them no. You’re a sexy dude now, you’ve got options and you’re not gonna be used and you’re nobody’s simp.

NOW GET OUT THERE AND DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO CHAMP!!

(either way which ever you decide to do I hope it works out)

[Jemini_Crocket]

There's difference between having certain preferences and being a bitch.
I'd maybe even have some kind of revenge on them or just purposely ignore them and move on.

Get a girl who likes you for who you are completely (personality, views, looks combined) not just looks.

[Asker]

I get it people have their preferences. But to act like an ass because you found me unattractive and then act all nice because i look good to them is fake as fuck. I want to stay far away from fake people like that

[Jemini_Crocket]

I get it, I'd try to do the same.

[Asker]

You'd try to do the same?

[Asker]

Nevermind. I got it. Took my dumbass a while to comprehend that

[Daniela1982]

I think you already answered your own question. But I know where you are coming from as I was overweight myself when I was in high school so know all about the rejection. I would only say that if you can't get over the hurt then forget them. But I would also say that people change once they get out of high school where girls had their little popular cliques. Once away from the bitches they may be totally different people.

[livelife1018]

No i wouldn't, people who don't talk to you/give you a chance when you're at your heaviest don't deserve you at your lightest. It just shows their shallow people and the minute something changes with your appearance they are gonna bounce. You want someone whos gonna appreciate and love all of you, the good and the bad. The ups and the downs and not just for your looks.

[invalid1]

NO. Don't be an idiot. Look man, look at me.
Look at me in the eyes 👀
THEY love your body. And you're not a body. You are a whole being 🌹ok?
Fine you have done a great job losing weight. But if they didn't assess your personality to see this inner strength that made you who you are today.! Then they don't know you, and they will never know you. Just reject them, pay back, but be better person. Reject them for WHO THEY ARE regardless of their body. And they will feel it, they will feel it DEEP. And this might teach them something.

I think you're a hero. Honestly, even if you lost weight because their rejection motivated you. You're still linking this motivation to them personally, not to girls in general. So there are many girls who will be more interested than them just by seeing your transformation.

Just please don't. Don't give evil a chance.
God bless you.

[The_Maphio]

So she ditched you for not having had Scott Adkins's phisique and now that she didn't manage to get one such as that a few years before hitting "the wall" she's back to "bless you" with her interest?
Fuck that. Seriously. I personally hate the whole notion of being second fiddle, and nobody should allow that if they have any self-esteem.

[Mofunfour20]

Hell no. The best form of revenge is success, now she is on the outside looking in. They won't respect you because they only want your validation. A relationship with you only feeds their ego, they will bring you down. Time to conquer new lands bro, congrats on your progress. Keep moving forward

[Rab1901]

Well, I'm glad you have self-respect because a lot of guys don't. I'd let the past go only if she has changed, likes you for you, and sincerely apologizes. If a girl likes you for only shallow reasons, she's not a quality person and not worth your time.

[Anonymous]

Stop whining about being treated like a fatty when you WERE a fatty, and go claim your damn victory. If it weren't for those girls, you would never have gotten your shit together, so understand that they probably felt bad at the time, or shortly thereafter, but they're probably proud of you now for making those changes and coming out of it stronger. You don't get better when people constantly blow sunshine up your ass, you get better by being motivated by your failures.

Go get what you worked so hard for.

[Asker]

Okay keyboard warrior whatever you say. When you treat people like shit though and then act nice all of sudden, it's fake as fuck. You can hang around that crowd though. You fit right in

[hi_it_is_me123]

We can have physical preferences. I am not attracted to overweight men. Would you date an overweight woman? I dont know why it is ok for some men to call women landwhales and say that they dont what landwhales but as soon as a woman does thesane she is a shallow bitch

[hi_it_is_me123]

Or would you date an hairy women? Are men shallow for expecting women to shave although it can unhealthy. Everyone cares about looks

[Asker]

Actually i would and have dated an overweight woman before so you're not making me look like a hypocrite here. But that's no excuse to treat people like shit for not being attractive

[hi_it_is_me123]

Yes, it is not ok to treat people shit for their looks but having physical preferences does not make you a shit person.

[Asker]

No it doesn't. But again treating people like garbage because you're not attracted to them is a different story

[hi_it_is_me123]

Yeah bodyshaming is disgusting

[hi_it_is_me123]

Would you still think it is turnoff when a girl date you when you are overweight but expect you to loose weight and will help you to loose weight and even if you dont manage to loose weight, she stays with you since you tried?

[HawkPerception]

@hi_it_is_me123 You are right in everything that you've said. Not sure why he downvoted you and is so butthurt tbh.

[hi_it_is_me123]

I think i was rude. So i am sorry. I should have expressed myself in a nicer way

[HawkPerception]

You weren't rude in the slightest. There's just snowflakes in the world that can't handle truth.

[Asker]

@HawkPerception She's not gonna fuck you

[HawkPerception]

Lol what a beta comment. You think I'm on this site to get with girls? You seem pretty low IQ.

[Mofunfour20]

Not true because most women believe theyre a 10/10, how is there room for improvement 🤣😂😅

[Asker]

@HawkPerception Dude i know people have preferences but to treat people like shit because you don't find then attractive, is another thing. I still show people respect and am nice towards people regardless of what they look like

[Asker]

@HawkPerception And the way you defended just seemed like someone wanting to white knight a random girl. But i told you why i have a problem with their behaviour

[hi_it_is_me123]

@Mofunfour just stfu and quit with this bullshit. You attract what you are. I am not suprised that immature women who think they are 10/10 attracted to something like you

[btbc92]

Don't, you deserve better. I can't stand being around people who behave like that. They are only interested in your body sexually, that's it, and because other men won't give them what they want. If they weren't attractive to you then, how all of a sudden could they now? If they really saw somebody worth dating, they would have dated you whether you were overweight or not.

[NathanDavis]

The six of them are all very pretty... so, any chance you were interested on them only, because they were very pretty? that would be very shallow of you.

So you being shallow, could rival their fakeness... and maybe they neutralize. Also, you really don't know them and they don't really know you... so maybe give it a try, have some conversations and see how they really are and let them see the real you, because people can also change and improve on the inside, not just their appearance.

[Asker]

If you're calling me a hypocrite, i ain't because i still make friends and respect people regardless of what they look like. I even dated overweight women

[Asker]

And yeah they changed because they don't see a overweight person anymore. I'm leaning more towards not wanting to give them any of them a chance

[NathanDavis]

I did not call you one, but I pointed out the possibility... possibility of you being shallow.

However, you raised the question, if you should give it a chance... and I pointed out a reason of why, you could give it a chance.

You can give yourself, and others the chance to have a conversation and that can lead to better opportunities to actually get to know people as they actually are, and I will repeat, people can change sometimes, and some other times we have misconceptions of people because they're based on limited experiences and interactions.

In short, this would be giving yourself, the chance to know more people for who they really are or could be, beyond their "very prettiness"

[Asker]

I do give people the chance to get to know them regardless. These girls didn't have to be pretty for me to want to engage in a conversation with them. But I'm not mad at them. I just don't want to give any of them a chance

[NathanDavis]

You're obviously too resentful about this, so don't.

You said it yourself, you don't want to give them any of the chance, so own your decision, and stop asking if you should.

[Gespenster_division]

Absolutely. I mean you were fat and were unattractive to them. It's like the girl I rejected years ago for being fat lost weight and looked great. Well I f*cked her.
Anyway these girls aren't fake as fuck, they are totally real. They were attracted to fat you and were honest about it.

[Asker]

You're part of that crowd? Go join them

[Gespenster_division]

I mean if not for them shaming your immorality you'd still be fat now

[Asker]

I didn't lose weight because of them though. But i don't want to be around that crowd

[Gespenster_division]

Plenty of chubby women around

[Asker]

And I've dated one in the past after improving my weight. What are you getting at?

[Gespenster_division]

Go date a chubster then

[Asker]

And go hang with you crowd

[Biancam13]

I think, because physical attraction is not a choice, if they were nice to you before but rejected you in a respectful way then sure, you can give them a shot. But if they were rude when you were overweight then f*** them off.

[Adiamoonlight]

I agree with the view of dating new persons but be careful they can be superficial too. You would want to know them for a while before getting involved. Notice how they act around others and their main interests in life should be partial clues.

You should also be confident with your journey and not let it cloud your vision when meeting new people. Sometimes this tends to happen, a person's bad experiences might leave doubts when encountering a similar scenario or persons but in reality it's a new experience.

[TheorionMage]

If THEY were overweight would YOU have 'friend-zoned' them?

... let's FACE it, IMMEDIATE allure is physically-based and based in part upon peer prestiege...
"LOOKY who I got! " (Seem 'shallow'? What actually gets passed on in the DNA? NOT personality~ )

You can 'tart-up' a mousy nerd like in the Scooby Doo movie did with Velma... in that smokin leather cat suit but unless she's WILLING to walk on the wild side... its only cosplay!
The 'trick' lies in making her 'leap of faith' WORTH her transient discomfiture.
To 'reward' her for YOUR perception of her fullest potential glamoury.
To un-do the hypocritical Puritanical promulgation.

When learning to 'body surf' in the ocean... you learn mastery or you DROWN from your hesitancy.

[Asker]

Here we go again with another would you date an overweight girl when i have already have and i would date one now even after losing weight. Tired of the "oh but you're a hypocrite" bullshit

[Ielloz]

Hey
* Definitely make sure your prepared for the truth before you ask Questions’



I think you should ask her “Why did you reject me before in the past?
Why do think it would be a good idea to date me?”


**Make a goal in mind that you want in a Mate. **

[Anonymous]

As a former fat guy myself, I do think it’s hilarious when some girls won’t give you the time of day when you’re overweight and then the minute you get in shape, they’ll notice you. My advice is that you don’t want to be with the girls who turned you down because now you have the advantage of knowing their true character. That’s their loss and they have to live with it. You know the second something goes wrong in the relationship, they will drop you for a skinnier model. The good news is that you’re now free to date someone else and you will have more options.