Girls, please help me pursue without being needy or desperate?

[Anonymous]

So ladies, and guys if you've got an opinion, what's the "proper" way to pursue a girl? I've seen tons of posts about whether or not you should pursue a girl and the bottom line is some guys will call it quits at the first sign of rejection and some will continue the chase. So, for those of us that see a reason to pursue, what's the "proper" way to go about it?

My personal situation involves a girl who flat-out rejected me, but our one mutual friend said to give it time and don't give up. At the same time that friend was speaking "off the record" and doesn't want to get more involved since she doesn't really know how the girl I like truly feels. She just knows the girl I like is inexperienced with the dating thing and she was on the fence about dating me so it's not like I repulsed her at first sight.



I ask for the "proper" way to pursue because obviously I don't want to come off as creepy or desperate and I want to respect her space. At the same time, I want to show her that I find her special and to give me a chance.

[Anonymous]

first things first.I know you said "flat out rejected me" but our def. of this could be diff...how did she reject you? did you ask her out and she said no? or was the rejection less direct? if it was a direct "no leave me alone bucko" than I would maybe leave it alone - although, I would have to be there to no if she was really serious...so use your own discretion ;-)

no girl, even in 2010, is gonna open up right away. you will always be met with a little resistance if she's a lady..so you kinda have to expect that. for example : you tell her you want to see this cool new movie that's just come out (dropping hints that you want her to go with you) blah, blah, blah...and she doesn't really open herself up to the question from you "wanna go with me" ..she may be shy and a respectable girl so she might not jump all over that type of invite...know what I mean? this is a type of less direct rejection

so if it wasn't as "flat out" of a rejection ..than you should stay at it. You said she was inexperienced so just try to be patient. you could do things like - being available to her if she needs help, complementing her, just kinda being around her (in a non stalker way lol) stuff like that. hang in there : ) some girls are worth the work and the wait. Best wishes.

[Asker]

I see what you're saying. She said we can be friends which I've come to understand to be a very nice way to say no but like you said she could be shy. I did get her number and I sent a few texts but she seems very reluctant to write back. It's short answers and she takes days to respond. It's happened four times now. I'd give up if not for her friend who said to stick with it though I have no idea if she has any idea what she's talking about. At this point text is my only way of contact

[LuvBiddy]

Can't you just call her and ask her out to dinner?

[Asker]

I could call her and ask her out to dinner, but since I already asked her out and she gave me the friends line I thought it might be too aggressive to ask her out again. I know what her friend said about not giving up hope but I'd like to respect the wishes of the girl I like as much as possible. I wish the girl I like was more receptive but I seem to be on a fine line between contacting her too much but still showing I would really like to know her better.

[Opinion Owner]

okay...so here is your next plan of action. This is going to be tuff. DO NOT TEXT OR CALL OR ANYTHING FOR 3 WEEKS. NOTHING. if she contacts YOU within the two weeks than you can text/call or whatever back..but wait like a day to respond. If she has some interest she will prob. not be able to go the full 3 weeks without talking to you (most likely via texting) if this 3 week silence plan does nothing else...it will most likely get her to text you..feel it out from there