Why do people still get upset if a man gets scared and saves himself first?

[CelineBV]

If there was an earthquake taking place and the man got so scared that his own safety came first (leaving loved ones behind), he gets treated harshly by even other men.

Even some of the very men that are all into equality, still got upset when hearing about the Aurora shooting where a man run away from his girlfriend and child to save himself.

Men can be scared too and flight can take over. Why is the man criticized so harshly (not just by women but by his own gender too) if he has a natural flight reaction?

[MCheetah]

Because society instills that men are supposed to be sacrificial lambs at best, and disposable pawns at worst. This even pre-dates the sinking of the Titanic where it was mostly men who died, while 95% of the women and children were the ones who survived. And while that made sense hundreds of years ago since men can't get pregnant and continue the species, it's kinda BS nowadays.

I can understand being a coward (which should be judged negatively towards both genders, yet for some reason, women are allowed to be cowardly); that should always be shamed. But for not being a sacrificial lamb to a mass shooter just because a woman might get hurt instead? F*ck that! The natural instinct IS "fight or flight." I expect 95% of people to be the flight kind, even if I'm a fighter. I don't judge others for that.

[CelineBV]

The guy that flee the Aurora shooting got criticized for running away from both his girlfriend and their child (a 3 month-old baby). His flight reaction took over.

[CelineBV]

A random stranger took the risk and got shot in the leg getting his girlfriend and their child out. Then next thing, the dude (the boyfriend) proposes to her. I guess that was probably out of his guilt for his failure as a father.

I do think the flight reaction is normal for any person
No one wants to die in that manner at, esp at such a young age.

[DJB72]

I can't imagine an event that could make me abandon my son. No shooting, earthquake, volcano or act of war could make me prepared to leave him behind.

I can't even imagine abandoning my wife under those circumstances, and things haven't been great between us recently. Despite that I can't imagine not sacrificing myself to save my child's mother. It's just not going to happen.

So would I get upset if I saw a guy abandon his child and it's mother to save his own shitty ass? Damn right I would.

[Blackcupcake]

Facts💯
Also with the whole having your boyfriend “fighting” for you in public, I think it’s stupid...
I’m confronted with an issue then it’s my responsibility to take care of it, I don’t want him jumping in from the get go to “solve” it for me.

[kyleelyn199723]

I’m literally arguing with another person on toxic masculinity and you just have a perfect example of what I’m talking about that toxic masculinity is still around

[CelineBV]

Yeah those people expect men to be these fearless robots willing to face serious injuries or death to save their loved ones and children. While there were many men in history that have died saving women, children, their friends, etc... there are still certain that can be very scared that they want to live. No one wants to die after all, esp not in that manner.

[kyleelyn199723]

I love that my man can express his fears. I don’t think my man should have to give into his fears for my liking. My boyfriend has a fear of airplanes and I would never put him through the pressure of going on an airplane just for my liking. People literally just excuse men’s feelings and I think it’s gross

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

Because in our society men are “supposed” to be protectors and defenders in a moment of crisis. Obviously not all men can or should subscribe to something they’re not. I understand that a man shouldn’t have to take a bullet for another an adult but , if the aurora shooting you mentioned and the man didn’t protect a child? Yeah I kind of judge him a bit but that’s my personal opinion.


Men do experience fear too, however we can sometimes overcome that fear with adrenaline and a sense of duty to protect those who need our help.

[CelineBV]

It was his girlfriend and his own child he ran away from. He got very scared.

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

Yeah not his proudest moment, I understand fear and that must of been another level. His own survival mattered more than his duty as a father and that’s his inner battle to deal with

[CelineBV]

Another random guy (a total stranger) risked his life taking a shot in his leg and got her and her child out. Then I heard he proposed marriage shortly afterwards. I think that must have been his guilt taking over for failing so miserably as both a partner and father that he proposed.

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

Yeah I would make that educated guess too

[Jake99999]

No one likes a coward who won't take risks for those he loves. What kind of person is going to run away and leave his wife and child to die? You are joking, right? There are too many people in this country today with no values who only care about themselves.

I have been in that situation, sadly more than once. I was terrified, but even more terrified of what might happen to people I care about. You let the fear wash over you and then you act. Men who stay and help, they don't lack fear, they just can't stand watching other people die without trying to help.

In my personal view, someone like that who runs away - deserves to be criticized - but in today's society I would not be surprised to read somewhere that they feel the guy was "brave" for daring to be a coward... lol

[jshm2]

Because it's natural to hate cowards.

Nothing wrong with saving oneself - that's natural. But it's leaving everyone else in danger, or placing them in more danger, that goes beyond the pale.

Like in your earthquake, yes you get the hell out, but you also scream and shout for everyone to clear out and make the path for them and call the authorities. Simply running and leaving everyone is beyond asshole behaviour, it's American behaviour.

[InventorofWarp]

Different expectations. It's okay for a woman to be afraid and not overcome it to find bravery and courage but not for men.
And honestly I fully agree. A degree of cowardice is not a good quality for a man to have.

[Anonymous]

Because that is the expectation society places on men. Always has and always will.

The person calling this toxic masculinity is a complete moron. This is not a man problem; it's a people problem. When push comes to shove, both men and women expect men to protect.

[weeee]

Yeah people think having balls automatically turns you into superman and all women are weak babies. Fucking weird