I fought a girl named Janeth in 8th grade. It's the same story of the bully not stopping until you beat them. I tolerated it for 2 years. Others had to get me off her before I can rip more of her shirt and hit her some more. She had a black eye afterwards.
Here is the irony. Instead of getting upset with me or wanting a rematch, the following week she gets nicer and tries to gain my friendship, asking to start over. So ok why not. Ever since then, at times she seeks for my advice on certain things or tells me to correct her if she's going too far with her jokes (she still jokes around with people but at times, they can offend others).
This is a recent example:
Last week, a couple friends and I went to a party. Janeth got very drunk and was on the verge of getting into a fight with another woman because she was trying to flirt with the other woman's man. A couple friends and me got Janeth out of the party and took her home. She thanked us for stopping her and promised to handle her drinks next time.
I don't understand the logic. Why are some people like her? She considers me her good friend worthy of respect and is ok if I have to tell her off sometimes. I only gave her a beating once, long ago. Why would anyone respect you after that?
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Strength gets respect. Weakness does not. This happens even if no fighting is involved so it's not really about the fact she got a black eye. Just that you stood up for yourself. That said, there's also a lot of people who just avoid those with a backbone & only hang out with people they can manipulate.
Yeah. She hasn't totally changed with others though. She jokes around people (though she's serious with me, doesn't do those jokes with me) and can still have that small bullying vibe (though very subtle) if someone is very weak in character.
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe Janeth’s is a grown ass woman now and can show some restraint if someone calls her out about it? It has nothing to do with that fight, she’s going to stop if she gets called out or the person stands their ground and that’s all there is to it. People respect when you don’t let them treat you like a doormat.
We're the same age now (29 years old) and I have to say she still has that small bully vibe with others that show weakness or if someone is very shy. She's sweet and serious with me and some others, not to everyone.
That bully mindset is something that never really goes away, at least it’s what I’ve noticed with certain people. Still, people mature as they get into adult years and you all are nearly 30. I think she will walk all over someone if they let her, but will respect if you do not. You and your friends intervened before things could go south for her, as a joint effort. She showed the restraint by recognizing how compromised the situation was and letting you guys take her away from it. She wasn’t cowering at your feet reminiscing on fighting you over 15 years ago lol at least that’s what I see it as. I think she knew you guys were trying to help her out.
Yeah we haven't spoken about that fight for the longest. One of our mutual friends once brought up that topic when we were in our early 20's and Janeth said something along the lines of ''oh that trivial issue we had once, it was nothing really'' then changed the topic immediately.
That's because you gained her respect by standing up for yourself. I had the same situation when I was in 7th grade
True. Though she's sweet and serious just with me and some people; not with everyone. If someone shows weakness, she'll revert back to joking with them. She still seems to have a that small, hidden bullying vibe but done in a subtle manner, not as obvious as when we were in our teens.
A bully will never change. Once a bully, always a bully. If you stand up to them they will realize they can't bully you anymore. They will move on to the next weak person