If someone shares their experience and you turn it around to share your own similar story, is that being selfish or just relating?

Question

I notice I do it a lot.  But I kinda dont care because I’m going to keep doing it. I’m an open book that likes to be read. For example, if someone says “My boyfriend just broke up with me.” Then instead of asking why, I’ll start off with “Omg mine too”.  Is that wrong lol? I like to show I can relate through experience. Otherwise, their story won’t affect me much.  I’d eventually ask her why he dumped her but in the process, I’m going to share my story as well. It really depends on the topic. I know one girl stopped being my friend because she said I made everything about me. Its not my fault she couldn’t relate.  But i think I need a job in support groups. I’d like to share my experiences in hopes that it helps others cope.  #FeelFreeToList #BurningBridges

Loveisgirthy · Accepted Answer

I've worried about this too lol. One girl that I was almost forced to go to prom with, was talking about a dream she has and I stopped her completely and ranted on about a dream I had. First time I ever realized how messed up it could be, her reactions were very forward, I wasn't letting her talk. It was messy. I've been looking to not do that again ever since really, except more recently I just pick and choose my timing more, trust my senses. But, typically like I rather hear more from other people as long as we can equally get what we want to say out and I think that's fair. I rather see someone go off on an inspired detour and then finish stating what I was saying later. But it seems to turn people off if it's with every conversations. That girl posted on Twitter the same day "I've never talked to someone so self centered" and I was just shot, she wasn't even who I wanted to go with. But she was great and we would've clicked if I had some sense of the reality there.

sattii2607 · Accepted Answer

It depends on when you make the switch, do you wait till he/she is done or you cut through in between

ShaTTeredMasterpeace · Answer

That's how people relate to one another. If you always do it and never acknowledge what they've said then yeah, that's annoying. But I don't feel like you do that. I just think you're relating.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

I suppose it could seem like someone is copying you, but I don’t know how that could be considered #Selfish? More likely is the possibility that your story simply reminded them of the similar story from their own life experience. Whenever I mention about being raped on my 13th birthday, I often get people replying to me with their stories of rape survival. It most definitely does not come across as selfish to me, if anything I feel honored that they are comfortable enough to even share it, especially publicly, here. It is like a sisterhood, or sorority of survivors simply saying “Yeah, me too” and “here’s what happened to me”. I think instead of thinking of them as being selfish (and I realize that YOU personally do not) but to those who do, perhaps think of it as someone else out there whom you may have never met saying “yeah, I went through that too”, here’s what happened to me… be honored that they are sharing their story. You cannot control the actions of others, you can only control how you REACT to them, when they do it!

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

I take the part where i feel related to and leave the rest out. I did mistakes whwn i was younger and forces my story on people and after a while i explained my self and now am much better at it, i think. If you tell a story about a fire, i will tell a small part of my story with a fire to make sure that i do understand the situation of smoke, heat and the danger, and so on. If i know something or i have been in similar situation, i tell my part. Other wise! I am fully engaged in you story, and be ready for some quick questions for more info/clarification (i am a curious person).

talka20 · Answer

Okay so if someone is ranting like being pissed n angry then i feel fine bout it if u start ranting around same topic n y'all both go all at it... but if someone is venting and is sad/depressed and feels like getting listened n held n feel like u have their back n they start speaking heart out to feel easy n they choose you for that then i feel its not okay to start telling your own problems n issues IN BETWEEN... that way they will need to take what you are saying together with what they are going through... AFTER listening to them n giving them emotional support or hope or after they get better n now y'all are getting off that topic, then its fine to show them that u have been through some such things n u can advice em from own experience not just thoughts

strawhatEli · Answer

I would suggest don't join a support group. Support groups are so people can listen, not share.

While in general when talking, assess the room first, if other person is sad or wants someone to listen, then listen, don't relate, cause comparing bad experiences always doesn't work. It's as simple as this that, "even though you had worse experience than me, I'm not you and even this very troubling me, so I want to get it off my chest, I don't want your stories, I don't want your sympathy, just want you to listen to me."
But if it's a casual conversation then do share your stories, not one share three of them.

silkjames · Answer

Nothing is wrong with that it shows you are actually listening to that person then your relating with them because u went through that same experience I like hearing what happened to the person that's RELATING with me a person says omg that happened to me too lol dont worry my friend I can't help too I do the same thing u are doing NOTHING WRONG WITH RELATING WITH ANOTHER PERSON KEEP DOING YOUR THING BECAUSE IM THE SAME WAY I'm most definitely going to keep being me too girl🥰 speak your mind:) always!!!

Anonymous · Answer

I'm really similar to you. The funeral part in the update really hit close.. I can seem blunt to others even tho i actually care and i'm really empathetic. For some reason i show it differently then others.

You actually helped me a lot recently in DMs, and i remeber you instantly shared that you are going through something similar, yet you kept helping me, and we tried to help each other hah.
So you are good at relating in my opinion, others may not see it IRL tho.

mikaelis · Answer

It depends how much you tend to share and relate. Sometimes people just wanna be heard and listened to. Some people wanna be heard and given directions. If sometimes people still feel unsure , usually I break out a past story but I usually don't bring it up unless its someone I know or feel a connection with

Kkstarzz96 · Answer

I always thought it was empathizing but in some cases you can't share how your story went if it worked out for you cause it very well may not work out for them. It's like giving someone your medication cause it worked for you and expecting the same results for that person, when they are a completely different person. just think "don't share your prescriptions"

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

I do the same thing. For me, it is relating to the person, so I can let them know they aren't alone, and what has helped me get through the same or a similar situation. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, and I don't consider it "one-upping" or trying to make it all about yourself.

Anpu23 · Answer

There's sharing stories back and forth and their's one upping each other. The first is friendly the other aggressive.

I have this cut on my knee. Oh that sucks I had a cut on my finger once and I know how painful that can be... Do you need a bandage?

I have a cut on my knee. Thats nothing, I have this cut on my finger that is so much worse...

See the difference?

roseline_ · Answer

It becomes selfish if you only bring up your story and never talk how you overcame it. For example if a girl says that her boyfriend broke up with her and you interupt with "my boyfriend too" then you should proceed to let her know how you dealt with it and didn't let it eat you up

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I have to catch myself to avoid not doing that. But, like you said, I just feel like it's a way to relate to them. I'm not trying to be rude. Still, some people say it's not proper, so I'm trying really hard not to do that. I do honestly think it's a balancing act, though.

isayboo · Answer

I think maybe it's just them trying to make a connection or conversation with you. But I feel like if it's someone close to you maybe they are trying to one up you

Citizenkirk · Answer

Empathy isn't wrong, but selfishness or insensitivity is. You know better than anyone how people relate to you. Does the other person just want another shoulder too cry on, or are they looking for an opinion from someone who can relate?

AvaOneLasTime · Answer

Its okay to share your own and relate, as long as there is conversation, both parties ask and listen to each other. In fact, that might be the best scenario.

AviatorTom · Answer

It's relating, telling a similar story. I sometimes do it... just to let people know that what the poster is saying is reasonable, not something made up.

dustybiker · Answer

It’s a conversation, unless you are doing it to get something out of it. (Generally, not saying you do this)

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Relating the only way people know how, otherwise what is anyone going to say? Without relating, its like "Okay" and that is that.

AndrésC64 · Answer

I do the same thing. I think it does show a a connection and that I can understand to an extent what they are going through. Although I usually wait until they get done with their story before telling mine.

If someone shares their experience and you turn it around to share your own similar story, is that being selfish or just relating?

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If someone shares their experience and you turn it around to share your own similar story, is that being selfish or just relating?

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