Even having to put a gender on this account made me freak out lol.
-I’ve always hated being associated with masculinity in pretty much any sense.
-my best friend back in the US is a straight, (but not a very stereotypically masculine) guy, and my two next closest friends are straight girls. On average though I’d say I’m more likely to get along or feel like I fit in more with a random group of straight girls than straight guys, but it really depends on the individual. I’ve always felt like if people split by genders to do anything and I have to go with the guys like I don’t fit in as well and am in the wrong group.
-I actually initially questioned my gender for a few months in 2020-2021, starting pretty much immediately after I realized I wasn’t straight (or, I guess I would be straight if I’m a trans woman). I even used she/her pronouns and the name freya with some online friends, which felt nice, but sort of just ‘concluded’ I was just a cis gay guy who hates gendered stuff, because I didn’t have any strong feelings about my body that I’m aware of. But I was pretty sad the first few days after “concluding” I was cis, almost as if grieving the possibility of living as a woman. And of course, the idea that I might be trans kept coming back, leading us to today.
-as for what physical dysphoria I do have, I wish I had a higher voice and narrower shoulders, and also do not like the idea of having big muscles. I hate being circumcised for some reason, but I’m not sure if that’s indicative of bottom dysphoria or not. Not sure if this part is also dysphoria, but my mental image of my face is usually less masculine than what I see in the mirror.
-Someone asked if I were the sole survivor of a human extinction and found transgender hormone treatment along with instructions to use to safely, if i would do it, and my instinct was to say yes, even though I couldn’t really come up with a specific reason why
