How do I as a man deal with ptsd?

[Anonymous]

I just got out of an abusive relationship and environment. I have therapy lined up but im afraid that what happened will affect me for the rest of my life

[SteveSmith1985]

You are doing exactly what you should be doing to deal with your ptsd.

Literally, you're doing EXACTLY what you should be doing. You're getting help from someone trained to process what you've been through in as healthy a way as possible.

That's the step that so many people (especially men) find so difficult to take. That's the thing that everybody with good advice would urge you to do. But... you're already doing it.

Now, as for how you deal with it on the day-to-day is... one-day-at-a-time. At least for right now.

The other thing you need to do, is to REACH-OUT to any supports you may have in your life. I'm sure there are people who care about you, and would WANT you to reach-out to them to chat, or to hang-out, or do... whatever you need them to do to help you. It's just... those people won't ever know you need them right now... if you don't reach out to ask. THAT is something that guys in general (myself included for sure) often fail to do.

You've got people who want to be there for you if you're going through something. Don't go thinking they don't want to hear from you, or that you're bothering them or any of that bullshit. Pick-up the freaking phone and reach-out to the supports you've got (when you need somebody to lean on. Which you will certainly need).

I can also tell you, for sure, that this won't "affect you for the rest of your life." At least... not in the way you're worrying it might. That's not to say that you won't be affected by what you've been through. Of course you can never unlive what you've experienced.

But it won't affect you in terms of feeling anything like the way you feel right now long-term. It will be something that leaves a scar. But, like a scar... it doesn't hurt the way it did when the damage-done was fresh. Not at all.

I can guarantee you, that you will deal with your PTSD better and better as time goes by (that's especially true with a therapist making sure you deal with everything in a way that's going to be healthiest for you long-term).

What you need to understand though: is that it's impossible for you to actually imagine yourself "on the other side" of all of this.

That's literally beyond the scope of what's mentally possible for you to even imagine right now.

It makes perfect sense that you can't picture yourself ever "being ok" ever again. It's totally totally fine to not "believe me" when I tell you that, one day you WILL feel like all of this is behind you. (and I do mean ALL of it, all the ptsd affects included).

But you'll see. I can't tell you when exactly... but you will see. And probably much sooner than you imagine possible.

It sounds like what you need to do, is to try as much as possible to relax (I... understand my saying that makes you want to punch me in the mouth right now... but still... you really should, as much as possible try and relax).

Have... you taken the time to appreciate what you've already accomplished here?

Leaving an abusive relationship is one of the hardest things anyone ever has to do. That's no small feat. That's fucking huge. That's the very hardest part. (not that the rest of this shit's gonna be easy).

I just hope you've acknowledged to yourself how huge it is that you escaped. There's so many people who never find the ability to do that. You did it. Make sure you're not selling-yourself short on taking credit for what you've accomplished so far.

Because... you're doing everything anyone can do. What you've done already, was the very hardest part. And there will be a day where you feel "your old self" come back again. Truly. You won't have this hanging over you and affecting your life and thinking forever.

You just need to do... exactly what you're doing. Get therapy to help guide you in coming to terms with what you've been through... and... basically..."just hang in there".

Unfortunately all of this means nothing to you in terms of changing how you're feeling. And that's to be expected. You can't possibly "believe me". And that's ok. All you need to do for now, is to hang-in-there.

Right now, you're going to feel fucking awful. But it's worth it. One day you'll recognize the person in the mirror as your (actual) self again.

Congratulations on leaving the abusive situation you found yourself in. Again, I hope you understand that it takes uncommon strength to have done so.

One day, you're gonna be ok. It sure as shit won't be today, or tomorrow, or next month... but one day you're going to actually be ok.

The pain you're going through now, is going to result in your being happy someday.

(That was not the case yesterday, or last week, or last month, or whenever you were trapped in the abusive situation you've escaped from).

Hang in there. And congratulations. I'd totally give you a motherfucking hug if I could.

Just "make it through today"... everyday. There is a "coming out on the other side" to what you're going through. 🙂

[Massageman]

Everything that happens to us WILL affect us for the rest of our lives. Our lives are a cumulative sum OF what has happened before. This is definitional: you can't stop before you begin - - - you can't take a second step before you take the first step - - etc. This things are what they are strictly by their DEFINITION. Framed in your situation, if you are "afraid that what happened will affect me for the rest of my life", you are correct: it WILL affect you. The goal of the counseling is to take the "I'm afraid- - - " part out of the equation! You can't change the past, only how you MANAGE the way you DEAL WITH and REACT to the past!

Males or females deal with ptsd in a variety of ways. Counseling/therapy is a great way to start. Many counselors have received additional, specific training in PTSD: many have not. While seeking the help of a PTSD-trained specialist would be preferred, professional help is a critical point to improve how you ACCEPT your issues. SteveSmith1985 has some great input for you.

Disclaimer: My wife is a PTSD-trained counselor, so I do have a bit of insight to this.

[kylee2437]

You have to understand that not everyone is out to get you but learn how to read red flags. It’s going to take time , but when you tighten up boundaries for yourself and learn to accept things for what they are, it will get easier. I am also an abuse survivor and it is entirely hard sometimes to figure out who is full of shit and who isn’t. Take your time with people

[Paulychicagoluv]

Some people handle it different ways. There really is no cure if it's gone to far, but since you caught it early, it may be able to talk it out. Myself, I waited to long after the military to seek help. I've pretty much told most my therapist I don't need their help because I find them useless and ineffective to my needs.

[inhua]

therapy isn't necessary. what you need is to enforce your boundaries. if you get labeled a jerk or an asshole in the process, don't let that sway you. they can go kick rocks