I've heard that many men hate the idea of therapy, and think it's a pointless waste of money. But obviously there are men who do go to them. Are these men's questions/problems nevertheless less 'wimpy' than what women tend to go to therapy for? Like, women tend to go to therapy to sort out parental, marital, or friendship issues. Do men mainly go in order to sort out work relationship issues?
I don't know about "most men", but there may be some statistical data you could search for to find the answer to that. My guess would be dealing with stress of divorce, death, or other stressful events like if they lost a limb or something.
As for myself, I have tried to go to therapy a few times. The first time I was going to try and figure out if I was "crazy"; that is, did I have some abnormal psychological condition like narcissism or borderline personality disorder. The reason I thought I might have some problem is because I'm so different from so many people I have known intimately. Almost without fail, it seems to me that most people are insecure. They are afraid, they don't have confidence in themselves and they question their self-worth and their value to others. I don't have that issue, and I've always thought it was healthy to be confident, to know your value, to do some introspection and make sure I'm not being a jerk or stuck up or anything, but also to make conscious choices to do the right thing and to take pride in that. To be proud of myself for working hard to be a good person. But anyway, seeing all these other people around me who I considered to also be good people (friends, family, lovers) and so many of them were so insecure, I started to wonder if maybe I'm OVER-confident, and to the point of a detrimental neurological condition like narcissism. So I went to a therapist for a few months who didn't think I had any issues or at least none he told me about, and honestly I got a bit bored of going because he started to use the sessions as a sort of chatting back at forth time like we were friends instead of him being my therapist.
I went again to a couple other therapists a few years ago when I was having relationship issues, to see what I could do to work on myself and make the relationship work. Having been a little turned off by what I considered a waste of my time with the first therapist, I tried about 4 different therapists but none of them really helped me much and I only saw them each 2-5 times. I'm not really sure what people get out of therapy, I was trying to get something good out of it and to grow as a person. But it's expensive and I feel like I get the same "therapy" from talking with my friends and family who listen and give me feedback and help me figure out who I am from an outside perspective without charging me $400./month.
I always thought therapy was for crazy people. It's for everyone... but you'll have to have inspiration to start it.
My first therapist didn't happen... I got to a breaking point of at work and called the help line. That just made more frustration and stress trying to get an apt to talk, so I took time off and found spirtuality and eventually religion. That worked for some time and really changed my heart around (Christ) so I was outwards seeking and cared for people vs really despising them before.
I failed in relationships and was in a bad one but didn't know it for some time, like 10 years or more. The "emotionally blind" cannot see themselves.
After getting into another relationship, my girlfriend at the time said I needed therapy. I didn't know why, I thought she was mostly the problem. I resisted it for long time and eventually went. The first one was semi interesting, several more were worthless, one more guy was ok but reached a stopping pont. The last one made some progress by helping me to get out of that relationship, as I was maxed with relatinship home and work stress that was destroying me. That therapy broached on some of the deep underlying issues that were causing havoc in our relationship... that I had ignored since was a child.
I was in my late 40's and still clueless because I had avoided these issues, burried them, for so long... they were me.
I got to a better place and got another relationship with whom I'm now married. That was a mess for quite a while because I brought my problems with me into that relationship. I went to therapy again, advice to end it and I did. I got to another better place as I saw a lot more, but only parts. We got back together. I slowly by way of my girlfriend/wife started to see what she was saying about me and realized some truths about me, my family, prior friendzone, parenting, etc.. I stuck it out and committed and now were doing quite well.
It's like peeling an onion... ya think you have it all and there's more there.
I've learned a lot about myself and others and can relate to human conflict that others seem not to understand. Experience brings emotional wisdom.
God... is the therapist as the human works through their conflicts to find what they are longing!
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I've been in weekly therapy since I was about thirty years old. Many years now. I love it.
When I began that journey, I had no idea that it would continue for as long as it has.
I didn't know what to say in the beginning. I just knew that I was in severe emotional pain. The therapist gently guided me into revealing myself to the point that the flood gates eventually opened.
Taking ownership of, and claiming responsibility for, my own thoughts and actions was probably my biggest revelation as a result of undergoing therapy.
I've changed therapists a few times over the years, being with my present therapist for about 12 years or so.
I talk about anything and everything. Many issues have been resolved. Some issues remain, but I'm more able to manage how I deal with them. To make a list of them would take a very long time to assemble. Suffice it to say that I just talk about whatever may be going on in my life. Many sessions now consist of nothing more than discussing topics of interest to both my therapist and myself. I never really know when a discussion will reveal something that leads to deeper consideration. Having made somewhat of a career in being in therapy consistently, the sense of urgency and desperation has given way to simply looking forward to meaningful conversations.
I'd say that work relationship issues were at the bottom of the list of subjects that were important to me. I've now been retired for quite a long time.
There are some who would say that I am addicted to therapy. I do have an addictive personality, but the term addiction refers to behaviors that are harmful. Therapy has most certainly not harmed me in any way.
I'd recommend therapy to anyone who is in search of themselves.
It’s not necessarily that men don’t see the value in it, it’s just a calculated risk, and the calculation does not always conclude on the side of going. I’ve talked about this previously in other questions, but as of the latest change in the DSM handbook, masculinity has been pathologist as a mental health disease. There are plenty of licenses or trades or rights that are not compatible with a mental health diagnosis, and some of those can be fairly expensive and difficult to acquire. The cost benefit analysis is, do I really want to sacrifice what I’ve spent my adult life working for over problem X? For a lot of men, it’s simply does not provide sufficient return on investment. Perhaps, if doctor-patient confidentiality actually meant confidentiality, more men would go. As for various social and legal reasons from the perspective of the doctor, and the patient that is unlikely to occur, we will continue to maintain the status quo.
I would never go to therapy because I indeed find it useless but If I ever was put in such scenario,
The thing I would be complaining about is my inability to grow as an adult and I would give these points:
In the end, A Doctor or a therapist can’t solve these problems with words or even medicine.
I’ve heard it helps a lot but honestly I don’t think it’s for me. My way of dealing with things isn’t perfect but it’s working, self reflection on traumatic events looking at it from all angles/sides allows me to either come to terms with it or at the very least accept it. It can take me months to properly reflect on something but I get there. I’ve had an ex partner and family members suggest it to me before but the idea of speaking to a stranger about something ultimately only you can fix seems pointless to me and a waste of money. Saying that though it has helped a lot of people I know so my few is wrong at the end of the day, I may try it one day out of curiosity. Could be easier than self reflection.
Anxiety, depression, anger management. Lets just say losing your parents in your 30s isn't the best age in life to deal with. The positive side to it is I never thought of suicide or resorting to drugs or alcohol. Just getting me to open up was a big help.
The only guy I know who went to therapy was because he was addicted to cocaine. Now he's an alcoholic.
There's other guys I know who I would like if they would go see a therapist about their divorces and relationships rather than unloading their crap on to me.
I don’t know any men who have admitted to seeing a therapist. We simply can’t; not if we value our livelihoods. Men who need help are viewed as weak and weak men are viewed as useless. That’s actually best case scenario. I know two men who have been fired from their jobs for admitting that they were seeing a therapist. That’s because we sometimes view men who need therapy as damaged and damaged men are dangerous. In a society that uses the term “toxic masculinity” more than salt, nobody can afford to employ potentially dangerous men. THAT is why men don’t seek out therapy. We’re simply not permitted to; not without dire consequences.
I went because I was going through an ugly divorce. My wife wanted to go to marriage counseling, but her idea was that they would just tell her it was all my fault. That didn't happen, but I met a great therapist who helped me see that I needed to be out of my abusive marriage.
You heard wrong, then.
A lot of the male staff I've referred for medical intervention (read "therapy" in corporate speak) have been from alcoholism and stress, to domestic abuse and personal issues.
The problem is not a macho attitude by men. But men thinking they can power their way through without additional support.
Never went for work or relationships. I did go for anger management as a teen, self-destructive behavior and whatnot. I've known other men who went for personal reasons as well sometimes caused by work or relationships, and a few who have gone like couple's therapy for relationships too.
I'll be asleep I can only speak for myself, but I would guess that many men are like me. I'm still affected by the old notion of "men don't cry". I think that it's still very hard for many men to understand and talk about/express their emotions.
There were a couple of times where I really should have gone to therapy. There was a time in my former job where it was so stressful and I should have gone to therapy to learn to deal with it better.
So the men who go willing tend to be different than the average man. As a result he goes for all the same reasons that women do.
Note we are thinking overall here so the average many in the US is in his 50s for example.
The average man who reluctantly goes to therapy does so either as a part of marriage counseling or an attempt to treat alcohol abuse (not necessarily alcohol dependence which is what doctors generally mean by alcoholism)
Men go to therapy for mostly the same reasons that women do. Actually, the stigma surrounding therapy has started to fade and it's actually becoming more common for men to seek therapy in the interest of self-improvement or simply to help with issues they may be struggling with.
I know one dude who went to therapy, cause first of all his father was awful but he also committed suicide and that really got to this guy 🙏🏼 As far as I know he is doing better
My coworker went to therapy. Initially thought he was a pussy. Then he told me how when he was a kid his dad put a shotgun barrel in his mouth and blew his head off in front of him.
I was less judgmental afterwards
I'd only go if I was having an argument with myself and needed someone to help me win.
NO I don't!!
Yes, I do!!
Men who care about taking care of there mental health go to therapy for the same reasons any other person who goes to therapy.
Men generally feel 'boxed in' with an inability to express their emotions in an acceptable and appropriate way. At least that has been my problem. I'm neurodivergent.
Depression. Least that’s what I’ve gone for. It helps
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