When I was 16 I was severely insecure and people were really mean to me on here telling me that I was unattractive why did they do that?

Question

All the mean comments that I got are the reason why I’m desensitized to those kinds of things. It was the men being mean to me mostly there was one that said that I would never be pretty and that I was disgusting I remember crying about that comment and telling my mom. I don’t understand how someone could do that to a minor all those times I was called fat too I used to see it so much that now I don’t care if someone in real life calls me fat I just realized that people are always going to judge me no matter what and if I was considered fat back then imagine now.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

This... hurt my heart to read. Especially because it was so long ago. That shows the kind of impact what those guys said truly had on you.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. You're absolutely right... how fucked-up is it to say all that to a 16 year old girl (anyone really, but you're right... you were a minor which makes it even more fucked-up).

I agree with you when you ask how anyone could act that way. But I can help give you a bit of my thoughts as to WHY.

I think it has a lot to do with the social dynamics that develop in online spaces (like GAG). And a lot of it is "chance". I've talked to women who have had drastically different experiences on GAG, and I think a lot of it is "who you happen to run into".

But there's a shitload of idiot-guys everywhere online, who act in a way they never would in real life. It's as though they forget that there's a real actual person on the other end of the mean shit they're saying.

Then it becomes a "pile-on" pack-mentality thing once someone starts attacking you. Then, it seems to be simply "meanness for meanness sake". I'm sure they think it's amusing amongst themselves, but there's no actual SUBSTANCE to it.

Those guys will call any girl ugly or disgusting... not because anyone sees anything they find ugly or disgusting about that girl... but because they know saying that is going to hurt her. And they think that's funny. But it doesn't MEAN anything in reality. They're just going to use whatever they think will hurt someone (it's not even attached to reality).

There was only even an 'impersonal' aspect to all of this as well. They weren't saying this to YOU (as the actual individual girl who exists somewhere in the real-world). They weren't even saying it to YOU (as the girl who looks the way you happen to look)...

They were saying it to you because you were "the girl they were gonna gang-up-on right now"

The worst part is...10 minutes after they said all of these things to you... they forgot all about you. They moved on to being assholes somewhere else to somebody else. But they... aren't going to ever ever THINK about you again. They have forgotten that you exist. Because to them it all means nothing.

But for you... it made an insecure 16-year old feel way more insecure. And it's still bothering you all these years later (I get it... it just upsets me).

I think the most important thing you need to understand, is that their words were meaningless. There was never anything behind them. The thoughts they expressed weren't real. They were merely intended to hurt.

ZackBan · Accepted Answer

Social media is definitely an intersting social experiment.
It uncovered that when people feel safe behind a screen with a fake name and profile picture they tend to turn to harmful behaviors.

You don't need anyone telling you not to listen to them because their opinions hold no true value, it's their to stroke their own ego and fetishes by degrading someone asking a question in good faith.

Beauty is subjective and surly not everyone thinks you're beautiful but that doesn't change the fact that in the eyes of so many you are. I certainly think so. And most importantly you need to think so.

Besides just think about how much these 5 years have changed you, I've known you for 3 and you're unrecognizable.

caring__1 · Answer

There will always be people on these sites who are eager to push themselves up by pushing others down. It never gives them lasting satisfaction, so they continue the behavior in hopes of it actually sticking. Sometimes they convince themselves the ones being put down are actually asking for it, as they post "How Do I Look?" posts, inviting comments. Sometimes it's as simple as posting a profile photo. If you're here to gain knowledge or a different perspective or help others gain knowledge or a different perspective, then a profile photo becomes irrelevant. After all, this isn't a dating site.

There will always be mean people, and the anonymity of the Internet makes it easier for people to say anonymously what they wouldn't even consider saying to your face. Maybe they choose to pay forward the abuse that was heaped on them. Accept the fact that these are people who have personal problems. Accept those problems as theirs, not yours. Just because someone shovels garbage your way, that doesn't mean you have to catch it. Let them own their own issues rather than personalize them. Never invite strangers to comment on things you feel insecure about.

If you allow yourself to be bothered by comments strangers make, you probably feel there is some truth in what they say. If someone says you have the ugliest pet elephant on the block, and you don't have an elephant, will that comment actually bother you? If you feel there is some truth to a statement, ask yourself how you feel about the fact and what you choose to do about it. Set specific measurable goals, and then enjoy your progress.

VIVANT · Answer

They bullied you bc you were honest and ashes for answers. It takes a huge amount of courage and even if you can’t see it on surface “ confidence” to put yourself out there. I think a lot of people are too ashamed if themselves abs resent people who have the resilience to face criticism so they deep didn’t feel mocked by that persons actions even tho of course it had nothing to do with them personally.

im def not one to arbitrarily insist any criticism is proof that so abs so is jealous bc of course not. Some criticism is deserved & some is random but when people attack features you can’t change just bc you ashes when they could just go in their way, it’s usually you hit a nerve.

Point being don’t take unnecessarily crude comments about stuff that is not your doing, personally. Constructive is diff of course but I’ve seen comments to you and they are usually the kinds of responses people give to divas, which you are not.

You’re not everyone will be attracted TO you, but objectively speaking you are unquestionably an attractive person.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

I was never bullied, instead quite respected and admired all my school years, and maybe I can’t fully feel how hard it must have been for you. But I am really sorry… I will tell you what I will teach my children.

I can tell you that, people will do whatever you allow them to do to you.

It’s important to learn to stand up for yourself and show everyone you’re can be a trouble.

I protected the weak at school and the bullies respected me, can’t fully explain - why, but everytime I told them I disliked them bullying people, they’ve tried to stop: That’s not because I was perfect or strong or scary lol.

I have blue birthmarks on my face and they appeared when I was through puberty, I had a broken nose as well, so I also had things to be bullied for but never have I heard of anyone saying anything about that.

You know why? I acted like I was proud of myself, walked through the corridors of the school like I owned that place and always knew I turned the heads even without looking.

The way I held myself made people interested in me. Those who weren’t interested - still respected me.

Have I been a shy girl hiding my face in shame because of my birthmarks probably my school life wouldn’t be that easy.

What I mean is that be a friend to yourself friend, love and respect yourself, hold yourself high and I promise, never will ever dare to mess with you.

lightbulb27 · Answer

People can be selfish and they don't take time to think about what they say. They feel safe saying whatever they want online, so what comes out can be even worse. You'd likely never hear that directly unless they were drunk.

As well, everyone's view is different. I've seen "fat" unnattractive people get married. I've seen pretty girls not find boyfriends.

If you are a sensitive person (lookup highly sensitive person) personality, then consider treading carefully around the internet. Learn how to better manage your feelings.

Always work on yourself to be your best, it's a constant work and sometimes requires changes.

ChiTown33 · Answer

@xjayleenx you're never going to reach a point in life where people aren't mean. Why do people do it? Your guess is as good as mine. I wouldn't waste any mental energy trying to figure it out it'd be pointkess. But if it makes you feel any better this isn't gender specific. Many of the men are harassed by women on here as well. I don't even ask questions typically because there's little point. Most women on this site will take advantage of a guys vulnerability almost every time. I just try to help who I can and don't worry about the people with deep psychological problems. I only have to tolerate them for a few minutes. They have to be themselves for the rest of thier life. So, who really won.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I mean why come on GAG posting pics and expecting good comments. Its mostly trolls commenting. It should only matter what you and your boyfriend think. Plus you used to post like a new pic or the same pic weekly and people probably thought it was fishing for attention. In the end, you now seem more secure about who you are so none of that matters now

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Yeah, people are going to judge you no matter what. Plus people that are trying to rib you are not going to say nice things... if they're not smart enough to argue with your arguments they'll most likely resort to ad hominem attacks. I don't know if it's something to cry about... If it was something that made you cry then, let's be real, you probably needed it. Having thick skin is something worth having in this world. People say mean shit to me and my response is giggles and laughter... it's just so stupid most of the time.

20yearsolder · Answer

Because people are insecure and assholes so they try to bring people down to their level. Ignore the negative comments. I know it's hard to do but if you get it in your head that they're just unhappy people trying to bring you down to their level, it helps

Guardian45 · Answer

Firstly, you're NOT fat; you're BEAUTIFUL! The ONLY person's opinion that counts is YOURS!

Secondly, Trolls & Haters will hate! Probably, they do that to everyone, because they are FUGLY, and NO ONE likes them!

You have LOTS of G@G friends! REPORT, BLOCK & DELETE TROLLS!

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I read a quote - if somebody criticizes you, they are not showing how bad you are, they are showing how bad they are. They might be divorced or mentally ill and trying to lower you so they can feel less miserable about their lives. I have never met a happy person who criticizes others but I’ve met many miserable ones who do.

NewsReader · Answer

Leah, you know that you are beautiful. So a few people gave you a negative word here, why do you care so much or take it so seriously? Maybe those people are jealous. Maybe they were having a bad hair day and took their frustration out on you. No one here is an expert. And you are not on TV or some popular online place where everyone can identify you. Just take their words and sweep them under the rug. And move on with your day.

MissHope · Answer

Never care about what other people think of you. You are pretty so you should be confident and proudly show that to everyone that wants to put you down and make you feel bad about yourself.

MrCommodore · Answer

Probably jealousy maybe, as you have nice facial features. Kinda cute girl next door vibes.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Probably because they're blind as fuck!! Anybody that'd call you "ugly" MUST have a few screws loose!!

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

This hurt me reading this because you are attractive and adorable.

skyee_727 · Answer

felt. im overweight and hv had people call me fat even when i was a kid. still happens from time to time

Luffy1990 · Answer

Your gonna have people that don’t like you , but I think your beautiful

Jennz6 · Answer

I just looked at your profile picture and you are beautiful.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Aww :(. Did you post in "How Do I Look"? Or were the comments unsolicited?

Sparkie460 · Answer

Jayleen you are a beautiful woman. Only a dumb blind person would call you ugly.

Lookitsmadmax1994 · Answer

People are mean when they are teenagers. You are absolutely beautiful by the way

samuluaa · Answer

Maybe because they are insecure about their own appearance and when they insult other people’s appearances it distracts them from their own insecurity. Also I think a lot of people who insult people online wouldn’t do the same thing offline.

Makeushiver · Answer

Sorry that happened but you should be very secure now

Iron_Man · Answer

Pay no attention to haters it’s not true. I’ve always been very kind to you, you have to deal with good positive people.

mark000h · Answer

The internet can be toxic and fake. Never value anything said by someone you don't care about. As far as bullies, they are weak and pathetic.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

When a shark smells blood in the water they go in for the kill. You were insecure, and the internet is a terrible shark infested place.

Alex8736 · Answer

if someone doesn't like what they see then why would they keep staring?

Preeti161101 · Answer

Don't care about the people

When I was 16 I was severely insecure and people were really mean to me on here telling me that I was unattractive why did they do that?

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