Why do most people try to body shame me or make critical remarks about my appearance?

[TurquoiseBlossom]

I am 5ft5 and 144 pounds in the picture above in the blue scrub top and the one below is from a picture of me last year at my biggest 157 pounds. My body weight usually fluctuates from 139 pounds to 157 pounds. I am a vegetarian but consume seafood from time to time, I don't consume sugar nearly at all and workout once a week at the gym with weights. I am constantly told by people how small and skinny I am. I have even been asked how much I weigh and when I tell people how much I weigh they try to debate me on it. Most people assume I'm more than half of what I weigh. I get body shamed in my work and personal life. This happens within my romantic relationships as and dating life as well. I seem to attract men and end up with men that prefer bigger women

[BoopBoopBeep]

From US Department of Health and Human Services.

African American women have the highest rates of obesity or being overweight compared to other groups in the United States. About 4 out of 5 African American women are overweight or obese.
In 2018, non-Hispanic blacks were 1.3 times more likely to be obese as compared to non-Hispanic whites.
In 2018, African American women were 50 percent more likely to be obese than non-Hispanic white women.
From 2015-2018, non-Hispanic black females were 2.3 times more likely to be overweight as compared to non-Hispanic white females.
People who are overweight are more likely to suffer from high blood pressure, high levels of blood fats, diabetes and LDL cholesterol – all risk factors for heart disease and stroke.1
In 2018, African Americans were 20 percent less likely to engage in active physical activity as compared to non-Hispanic whites.

So, who is calling you skinny? You're actually a little overweight unless you're super buff under all that, but if you only hand out with land walruses of course they'd call you skinny.

[RingOfFire]

Haven't I read this same question before? Hmmmm

Okay, this time you posted a picture which helps explain it better.

First of all you need to know that my ex girlfriend is black. And I spent a lot of time socializing with her family and friends many of which are also black. So I have some experience with the part of black culture that is specific to black social interaction.

If you are being told you are skinny, I am confident that it is black people (especially men) who are telling you that. You are definitely NOT skinny. I would put you in the normal range, maybe a few pounds overweight (if you want to go by the medical standard).

But from my experience black men tend to like their women meatier. It's not my taste, but I saw that definite preference in the black men that I have known.

So relax. You are normal. They are measuring you by a standard that many men do not have.

[TurquoiseBlossom]

Surprisingly I have similar experiences with puerto rican and white men but that's rare. Women that are bigger than me in anyway are constantly talked about and gushed about in my presence.

[RingOfFire]

I think you may be feeling a little self conscious and have a little lack of self esteem. You may be underestimating your self-worth and worthiness of a relationship. That kind of feeling in itself can be a barrier to relationships. I think maybe you need to work on your way of thinking rather than your body. Your body is definitely not the problem.

[TurquoiseBlossom]

I feel what your saying may be true to an extent but it doesn't help in any way when a man you are with is constantly talking about, lusting or looking at women who look opposite to you. Their exes who were bigger or bigger women they had sex with were always topic of discussion. I feel most men I am with settle for me and they make it obvious they love and prefer women bigger than me even though though some don't come out and say it. My ex husband who committed to me made known unknowingly I was not big enough for him

[RingOfFire]

It's funny... being white I would not have understood this unless I had a black girlfriend. But I understand it now. When my girlfriend and I broke up she was dating a black guy who did the same thing to her that they are doing to you. He wanted her to gain weight. It made no sense to me because she had a very sexy body just as she was. There is no way she needed to put on any weight. But that seems to be something a lot of (mostly) black men like. Sure there are some people of other races who like it too, but it seems to be more common among black men.

I really care about her still to this day and it bothered me that her boyfriend was making her feel like she isn't enough for her. It also bothered me because it isn't healthy to be overweight. She was not a skinny either!

Fortunately she met another man who didn't do that to her and she ended up marrying him.

Any guy who really cares about you would never do that. In a healthy relationship he would want to make you feel good about yourself not bad. I would NEVER do that to someone I really cared about. And I also would never want her to do something unhealthy just to satisfy my need to have her body a certain way. If a guy really cares about you, he would not do this to you.

Maybe you need to focus on a different kind of guy for a relationship. It's pretty common at your age to keep picking the same wrong kind of person over and over again.

[RingOfFire]

I think maybe you have a lot to think about:

1. Be kinder to yourself. You are as worthy of respect and REAL love and support as anyone else.

2. Don't settle for someone who doesn't make you feel good about yourself. If he really cares about you he will do everything he can to make that happen.

Just some thoughts... hope it is helpful and that you find a way to feel better about yourself. People will say all kinds of things to us for all kinds of reasons. You have to build your inner confidence and know your own worth to avoid having it hurt you sometimes. And your worth is just as much as anyone else's. Don't settle for less. Don't settle for a man who doesn't appreciate you just the way you are because if he doesn't, he is not the man for you.

[LazerBean]

I have no clue why people would keep calling you skinny, since you are definitely not skinny.

[inhua]

I dunno who's body shaming you nor what you regard as body shaming but you're fitter than a large majority of women in the west

this is what can be regarded as body shaming

if it's too small too read, it's basically short men getting ridiculed online

[Anonymous]

People are assholes. I stopped caring what people say.