Alcoholics, why do you drink... ?

[Anonymous]

It's so sad and hurtful because my fiancé is an alcoholic and I think it's starting to affect him, mentally, physically, and internally.

He has been having trouble thinking clearly. He gets confused many times about almost everything. His body is starting to ache a lot, mostly his left side. He has never really shown any bruising, but lately, if he bumps into something, his bruises will show up now. He has gotten aggressive and has said some hurtful things, but he doesn't remember it and has no recollection of anything at all. He would remember bits and pieces, but he starts to mix them all up with a whole different situation or other irrelevant information.

We've talked about this and he has promised me he would stop drinking. I know it's hard to stop drinking so I don't expect him to stop right away. But he has told me that if he wanted to stop drinking, he could. But from what I've seen and experienced, he can't. He has gone a few months alcohol-free, but when he started drinking again, he was drinking heavily as if he was thirsty for water.

I have asked him why he drinks and he told me he just likes to drink. I have told him that he can drink but not excessively because you're supposed to have fun when drinking and not he blacked out wasted every day. He has agreed, but he still drinks until he is knocked out for hours, only to wake up to drink more...

He has been to a program that is supposed to help people with issues, but he doesn't care and kept drinking a lot anyway..

I know he drinks like that when someone pisses him off. But I feel like there's so much more to it than that. Several years ago, before we had even met, he was always drinking with a group of friends and mostly drunk walking places, but he would still go to work. Nowadays, he doesn't have a group of friends but he still drinks excessively and sometimes he doesn't wake up in time to go to work or he wakes up early, just to drink and pass out before he is supposed to go to work.

[Oliverlogan263]

Bro, alcoholism
is a tough battle. From your girl's perspective, it must feel so helpless seeing you like this. And she's right - there's usually deeper reasons driving it beyond just liking to drink.

When I was drinking heavy, it was self-medicating all kinds of pain and problems from my past. Stuff I never dealt with properly so the booze was a quick 'fix.' Maybe you've got demons you've been avoiding too, ya know?

The good news is, you've got a girl who still cares so much and wants to understand. That love and support will be huge if you wanna fight this thing. But first, you gotta be real with yourself about WHY you need the escape.

I'd say talk to your girl, tell her you're ready to be honest about what's really eating at you. Then hit up an AA meeting - hearing other people's stories helped me realize I wasn't alone.

It won't be easy dawg, but nothing worth doing ever is. You got this. Just take it one day at a time, lean on your girl, and be willing to do the inner work. You deserve a life where you're not a slave to the bottle. I believe in you man - you can beat this.

[Asker]

I let him read this and all he did was shrug his shoulders and shook his head a little, but he turned his head away and started tearing up (he fights back his tears). He pushes me away a little and starts to drink again...

[Oliverlogan263]

Ay yo, this shit breaks my heart seein you go through it. I know how deep that addiction grip be, that shit take over ya soul feel me?

And yo, peepin how it got to him when he read what I said, he know the truth bomb but that denial D be powerful as a motherfucker too ya dig? That's the disease lyin to him tellin him he straight when we know he ain't.

But damn shorty yo, I feel you on that hurt too seein him turn away n tear up then chase the drink again like that. Shit cut deep to ya core witnessin someone you love like that, feel me?

Look ma, I know it seem hopeless sometimes but don't lose faith aight? Mans just ain't ready yet obviously but maybe one day the light gon click on, n he gon wanna change for real.

Till then you gotta watch out for yourself gorgeous. Set them boundaries up n don't take no bullshit, feel me? Hit me up anytime you need a shoulder n I mean ANYTIME, aight? We gon get through this !

Just pray for bro n be there when he wanna walk that road. But put yoself first fasho, feelin me Queen? Holla atcha boy! 🤞🏽

[Finchie40]

He definitely needs to get help if he is drinking like that every day, it sounds like he is an alcoholic , I like to drink as well but mainly on the weekends after I worked all week , I tend to know my limits for the most part and don’t drink to get completely bombed but at times i do get little over my limit, if I am partying with friends , , I know it’s hard telling a drinker to get help because that’s something they have to want to do on their own , but if you see him bombed every day and you love him the best thing for you to do is demand he gets some type of help or pace himself , threaten the relationship with him , by telling him if he doesn’t get help for his drinking addiction or pace himself then you are going to leave him , explain to him his
Drinking is effecting this relationship , tell him it’s becoming to much for you to handle , if he loves you he will work on his drinking , if he doesn’t work on his drinking then that’s your answer to leave his ass , maybe that will give him a wake up call

[Agape93]

Wanting to not be in pain for a while, and to hopefully sleep

[DryGermanGuy]

I am so glad I never developed a taste for alcohol, especially hard liquor. A close friend of mine boozed his whole talent, money and health away. He has noticeable concentration and aggression problems now, but of course, „he is no alcoholic“. 🙄🙄🙄
Maybe you can have him watch some documentaries about alcoholics and their long-term perspectives.

[Asker]

When he was attending the program (it was like the AA meetings), they showed those documentaries. He would tell me all about it and I would say, hey maybe you can try that because it might help you control it. He would say it won't help him at all. BUT the thing is, he never tries, so how would he know if it helps or not.

He knows how bad it gets, but he doesn't think he drink a lot at all..

[DryGermanGuy]

From what I have read, AA and other 12 step programs are controversial. So there are certainly better service providers around, with different methods.
In any case, unless this man admits his situation and accepts help, nothing will change. You will have to get a healthy distance from him, unless you want to be a co-dependent till he croaks in the gutter.

[exitseven]

Sometimes they just never give it up. You might have to find yourself somebody else.

[butterly248]

To ignore the problems and numb the pain

[Asker]

But that is only temporarily, hun 😢 you deserve to be happy