I got into a car accident a month ago which I was at fault for. It totaled my car but luckily the other car I hit had minor damage compared to mine. I went through the most stressful and emotionally draining time of my life. I had no one to depend on a those who helped me it felt like I was pulling their teeth.
I recently bought a new car and everything is slowly getting back to normal but now I keep so emotionally disconnected. I don’t want to go out or talk to people. I am dragging my feet with work. Luckily I applied to grad school even though it was last minute.
I cried everyday since my accident up until I got another car. My family told me it just a car but they don’t understand what comes with losing a car. Like if I don’t have a car, then I don’t have a job then I don’t have anywhere to live. Everything plans into itself.
I don’t know what’s going with me. I don’t know if I’m depressed or not.
I been feeling that way for the past year or so now. . I am sorry to hear about your accident but glad you are ok. That accident sounds like it traumatized you and made you see things differently in life , usually a trauma experience like that impacts our way of thinking , it’s almost like a wake up call , like holy shit what did I just experience , it can make us see things differently in life than what we were use to prior to that trauma experience , because it’s a shock to our memory. In your case , it was your life that was on the line , knowing you could be dead right now. So it more than likely impacted how you see things and feel things. When people experience a traumatizing event it changes our whole outlook on things , we tend to feel lost and confused of not knowing what to do next. Or not knowing what is right or wrong anymore , finding happiness becomes harder as well because we experienced that trauma. I just lost my Mom and my older brother last year, 3 months apart from each other , My whole world changed after that , I felt so lost and confused and didn’t know which direction to turn , My whole outlook on life spiraled downwards , and sadly it just kept getting worse from there , I been trying to focus on positive energy but sadly it hasn’t been easy , when things started feeling like they were getting better for me , it would all come crashing down again. I been so lost and confused on what I should do , I also made some dumb decisions hoping to reach happiness again and sadly it just made things worse and I am kicking myself in the ass for some of the decisions I made because at the time I was so emotionally disconnected from the world , I pray every day that things will get better or I get some type of miracle to make things better. I am holding on even though at times I feel I am holding on for nothing. The only advice I can give to you is to try to think positive things in life , and don’t let negative take the better of you , understand you are a beautiful person and you have people that love you , be grateful you are still standing here today. Try to find yourself a hobby that you always thought about doing , something you will enjoy whatever that may be , and focus on that hobby. It will help you keep your mind off of negative things and help you enjoy life again. Don’t worry about anyone else but yourself as much as possible , distance yourself from people that try to bro g misery into your life , only surround yourself with people that bring positive into your life. That’s all we can do. I am not sure if you are religious or not , but if you are , focus on God as well and have faith in God , to show you the way.. These are things I been doing for myself because again I don’t know which way to turn anymore , so I been trying to focus on positive things , I would love to fall in love again even though I haven’t been so lucky in the dating world today , but I am staying positive and hoping to meet someone that loves me like I love them. Because without love , we really don’t have anything to live for. Hang in there and I pray things get better for you
There were two many incidents in my life where my emotions seemed to go so screwy.
First involved a traumatic broken heart (we were engaged to be married and I built all my hopes and dreams and goals around the idea of us living together, having children, growing old). When she broke off the engagement just a week before our wedding getting cold feet (contributed by an immature outburst on my part), the strangest thing happened to me emotionally.
I'm normally a person who has very hyper-active mirror neurons and hyper-sensitive to other people's feelings, or what some informally call "empath". I'm the type where, even if I'm having such a great time at a party and laughing so hard but spot even one person in the corner looking upset or lonely, I suddenly feel a bit upset to the point where my friends say, "Hey, what's up? Why did you stop laughing and smiling all of a sudden?" Then I point out the sad-looking person in the corner. Friends: "What? You don't even know him/her, why do you care?"
Yet after that broken engagement, I suddenly felt none of it. It was so uncanny because I'd look at my friends faces talking, people walking down the street, even my own family, colleagues, and I didn't feel their emotions at all. They all seemed like robots to me: talking faces programmed for my virtual Matrix. No one even seemed human to me after that. It was the strangest disconnect and lasted for almost an entire year.
Another involved a gang beating where I was sure I would die after my hands and arms became so fractured that I couldn't block their kicks. There was a moment where every part of my body that could block their attacks had become broken and in such pain and so weak and shaking that I had this moment where I gave up and thought and even decided, this is the moment when I would die. So I gave in and stopped trying to block. Thankfully the police and ambulance arrived and saved me yet I had given up on life at that point.
Then for the following year or so, I also became emotionally disconnected again. Also I was angry all the time for no apparent reason. I started to shout at my friends out of the blue just getting pissed off about every single thing in ways where I was coming home looking myself in the mirror and questioning what the hell is wrong with me, like a demon possessed me. So I blew off my friends for the entire year and quit drinking alcohol (that made it worse) to recover, and I finally did, but it was the strangest feeling.
Those are my two main incidents. I did gradually recover even though I was worried that I never would. Yet they were especially jarring to me being a relatively hyper-sensitive and emotional type of person (ENFP).
One thing that really helped to accelerate my recovery in both cases (they both happened close to each other in time, like as soon as I was starting to get over the broken heart, I got into the gang beating) was to start studying about Stoicism, later Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, then later Buddhism through my wife (she's Buddhist), then Logotherapy.
Japan unfortunately lacks much in the way of psychotherapeutic practices. People here just diagnose mental illnesses like physical ones prescribing medication, and I didn't want to be on medication like mood stabilizers or antidepressants. So I learned about these philosophies and psychotherapeutic techniques to become my own self-therapist, and that's probably an inferior solution to having a pro work with us, but it helped substantially regardless.
Sure, when I got out of the Marines I came straight into Hurricane Katrina and then did storm recovery work for the Army Corps and FEMA for a couple years. I was so numb that I could have killed a man in front of his own mother and only been concerned about where I was going to find dinner, or even felt hungry.
I went through a divorce not long after that, and just kind of gave up on even trying to be in society. I talked to people, I met women and what not. At the same time the norms that were expected weren't something that were a bother anymore.
Reaching that point of not caring, and having no expectations for myself, and no chains tying me to society is what got me involved with the world and had me smiling again. Granted it was a fairly sadistic smile unleashing a lot of repressed demons for the first while.
After that though, when you learn to really let go, and not care, you're free. It's tough to feel sad if you don't let anyone bring you down, and whatever you wonder about you chase down relentlessly. How much better would you feel if every person who said it wasn't a big deal you told to go fuck themselves? I've totaled out cars and been at fault before. It's still an instinct to just fucking run because of all the BS you have to deal with as opposed to just calling it in stolen a day later or so.
Hell, last wreck I was in first thing when I came to was trying to start the car and drive off with three wheels and blood going down my head even though I wasn't at fault lol
Yes I have. It was a long road to get back to being in a better place. I won’t say normal because at certain points in life you simply recognize that things are never going to be the way they were before. You simply accept that things are different now and steer your heart & head back to a place that resembles what you want to become your new normal but understand it’s never really the same again. Once you kind of let go of the past and open your mind to a new perspective it starts to fall into place.
For me the key to turning from PTSD to a healthy life was 20% professional counseling and 80% reconnecting with faith and new life habits.
You had a major trauma. You will feel the effects even though you did a good job at recovering. You are moving ahead with your life but you still feel the after effects. It will take time. Covid really screwed me up. I never got the disease but I lost my job. It took me a year and a half to find a new one. My whole life really got turned Ed around. I found a good job but the world is just not the same. I stopped doing the stuff I used to enjoy and cannot get excited about anything. I bought a new truck but have not taken a road trip yet. I am really going to make an effort to find some joy in my life again
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Anonymous
(36-45)
2 mo
It sounds to me like you've been in very stressful situation and did not see future, but now you have new car and everything should be back to normal.
Similar situation happened to me where it looked like there was no future, but it was resolved in the end and there was no need to panic.
With depression and any other mental issues just go and seek medical help as it is much easier to deal with it now, then when it is too late...
I'm not a doctor, seek professional advice, if needed.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
2 mo
Yes and no. I can think of something similar. I had an accident (not car) where I was injured and had to rely on others for help. I've always been self sufficient so this was a new experience for me. But I saw how few wanted to help or did it begrudgingly. While all of it was not an enjoyable experience I do not regret it. Because it taught me who I could depend on and who I couldn't and to what degree. I don't think I felt disconnected. But I did have to re-arrange who I held allegiance to afterward. So I consider it a good thing.
I might have an idea of what you’re talking about. I’ve had some high stakes responsibilities and a never ending list of things to get done for the last year and everytime I run into a delay it feels like life comes to a halt. It’s very stressful trying to keep up with the time crunches with no breaks and my job performance and my friendships are definitely affected.
I feel like I have to keep moving in a direction because if I stop I’m going to start to wonder why any of it matters.
I shut myself off from society and other people quite often in my life. I actually think that it's the smart thing to do. Even people who marry and have families eventually keep it in the family. I have a lot of trust issues.
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