How can I improve myself as a person? How can I embrace God into my life more fully in the fastest possible way and did I handle things correctly?

[WhiteBoyChill]

So I just got out of a relationship and the experience humbled me.

It made me realize that I am not as good of a person as I thought I was.

Prior to being in one I thought I was this great and morally outstanding person. I had too much self-pride and thought I was perfect relationship material.

But now I realize I definitely have some serious self-development I need to undergo.

At various points in the relationship, I was behaving poorly, but she had a very forgiving nature. She was far more forgiving than 99% of women would have ever been.

She chose to love and believe in me beyond all reason.

She had this idealist vision of me in her head that didn’t actually exist. She gave me credit for being a far greater person than I actually was.

I was emotionally unavailable, dishonest, manipulative and self centered throughout the relationship.

Yet for whatever reason, she saw me as this amazing person.

And I just knew I wasn’t.

But it was the fear of breaking her heart that kept me from acting. She wanted us to stay together.

But in the end I ultimately shot myself in the foot.

We had moved past an incident and could’ve continued but ultimately it was still weighing on my conciousness so I decided to address it again and straighten out the truth.

It was regarding this brief period of time where I had been acting distant from her for about a week. Only returning about 2-3 messages per day.

During that time I was busy but I had said earlier that I had just run out of conversation ideas and I felt I had nothing to talk about

However I told her the truth yesterday, and that I had just gotten bored.

I didn’t tell her this to make her feel bad, I just wanted her to understand because I felt like shit for not being honest earlier about it.

I assured her everything was fine and that I naturally tend to go through brief periods of social disconnect, but ultimately that was the final nail in the coffin and she took it personally and decided to block me on all social media.

Updates

5 mo

For context this was an exclusively online relationship that fell into place.

There definitely are certain challenged posed in online relationships that aren’t posed in non-online ones.

I know to avoid online relationships in the future, but I just worry this experience could be emblematic of a much wider problem with me. Or it might just be natural for most people to feel disconnect because of seperation over an extended period of time.

[ChicoFromThe305]

The best way for finding the guidance of God is through his word and through prayer, call out to him, the answers won't always be what you want to hear or see but it's surely opens your eyes to making the best decisions, it will be on it's own time as Well, the guidance isn't as seeing it as soon as you ask for guidance, it's at the best time tho.

[Exterminatore]

How to embrace God more. That’s easy. More church, more reading scripture, more prayer, more fellowship with other believers and most importantly more obedience.


By doing these things you’ll improve yourself.


Online relationships don’t really work as you can see now. You need to be able to spend time in person.

[mkkkkitan]

You’re very self aware, which is a great thing. No body is perfect , and you’re still learning. By the looks of it, not being a good person really doesn’t feel right to you, so as you grow, practice opening up more and being kind because it will be such a rewarding feeling. In the end it’s not about your thoughts, it’s your actions.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Its definitely been waying on me heavily. I haven’t eaten a single thing all day and I’ve found it very difficult to concentrate

[WhiteBoyChill]

Weighing*

[WhiteBoyChill]

The guilt I’m feeling is very real but it just stresses me out knowing who I am and the demons I have to face

[Radiate143]

See I told you!! Anyway, stay away from women and make a sincere request to God and him alone. Then He will guide you if you are sincere. Puge your life from demonic things. Porn and most anything produced by the entertain industry. Eat well. And so on.

[Alwayreckles93]

You know what really works fasting and prayer. Also try joining a youth club or youth group at your church. Fast and offer to the Lord to guide you in giving you a good christian wife. Tell the Lord to guide you in getting you the wife that is best for you. It works believe me I have a testimony about this. Read the bible everyday on your freetime read a little passage each day makenyourself that goal after your done reading play a christian song or hymns which ever one you perfer. To my understanding you had build a relationship to the Lord. Dont allowed this chick feel guilty remember everything happends for a reason. Maybe this girl wasn't the one for you. Fast every week and stay in prayer.

[WhiteBoyChill]

I mean it sucks that it happened obviously but it only makes sense to try and move forward as best I can at this point.

[ThrillSeeker01]

I think you did the right thing by telling her the truth about how you feel.

[WhiteBoyChill]

She took it too personally though, even though I told her not to because those bad feelings were only temporary

[ThrillSeeker01]

I hear you