Do you hold a lot of things in cuz you know it will cause conflict or do you say what you need to say?

[Finchie40]

At times I tend to hold things in cuz I know it will cause conflict and drama , so I usually don’t say anything , and bury it as much as possible , but on time I will eventually explode

[Rosexøxø]

I don’t argue with stupid people. Cause there’s a lot of stupid people.. 🌎

One time, a relative of mine was complaining. I was like “yeap…” *sigh* and we were both doing some tidying. They- dishes. Me- taking out the trash. I figured, better to distance and not be in the same area a bit, and THIS PERSON STARTS LIGHTING FLAMES- gas light and everything. I was saying “okay. Okay.. feel free to disagree. Okay.” And THIS person follows up with a (cause my reaction/response wasn’t good enough for them): so now you’re going to be mad at me. Now you’re mad at me and this and boom and blam

- And now you’re leaving.

And they got louder 😳 it’s funny but aggravating to recall. I couldn’t believe it- it was enough for me- so I simply,

right there, broke down the wholee entire situation for them, and I rephrased what they had said (to show I was listening), I gave my thought, and what I would be doing following up after this escapade, and I blew up at that person.

I always disengage but if I have someone on my tail I respond..

[Rosexøxø]

The thing is when I hold it in I don’t hold in nonsense, I hold in sense. So when they persist in their foolery, with no good reason, I don’t explode, I rapid fire. I lay my military action figured in a line.. 😂 I don’t just toss water. I get stream it.

Does it work? Still? Not always, cause there’s a LOT OF STUPID PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. 🤦‍♀️

Online, I try to “advocate” for certain view points, but it’s a semi failure cause they try to staple their stupidity on and on and on.

By then I can only hope it will assist others in making their own decisions. They see both claims and perspectives and then they come to their own free willed conclusion.

Otherwise we just have idiots spewing selfish self destructive nonsensical propaganda.

Can’t have that parading around. So I throw my wrenches. But I keep stuff in.

Pearls to swine as the good book says. 👍

[Mwolf]

I say what needs to be said. I'm fine being picked to deliver the cold hard brutal truth, I don't mind a bit. I hate it when people don't. I've had too many untrustworthy secretive people and I am sick and tired of that BS. I'll be brutally honest speaking up for myself saying what needs to be said even that results in a black eye.

[Caroline91]

Or it can be said kindly and with compassion maybe?

[Mwolf]

@Caroline91 😂if it's the truth, it's the truth. I don't sugarcoat things to be all sweet or some people pleaser or peacemaker. I guess that's what sets me apart from other females. People don't like my brutal honesty, well I don't like their fake sugarcoating shit). I'm different: fiercely independent, brutally honest, intuitive, don't trust many, novel, dark sarcastic side (not many people can take a fucking joke). Never got along or understood other females or shared interests with them, my only good real friends are male. With people it's either simply a 👍🏻or👎🏻.

[Mwolf]

@Caroline91 they will have to get used to reality someday! Life is a bitch and shit happens, sorry to burst your bubble. With my upbringing maybe different parents would've made a difference. I faced a lot of psychological abuse so I got used to "life sucks deal with it" fast and don't have as much tolerance for whiners and shit.

[Caroline91]

@Mwolf Oh, don't mistake me, I speak out. Things can still be said in a way that is kind without sugarcoating. And then escalate if necessary. I had someone say something absolutely foul to me today, which proceeded to me directly inquiring about the size of his dick. I mean it is obviously true that his mind is small, which led me to wondering what he is compensating for... so I inquired directly, but in a VERY kind tone of voice if he perhaps has a micro dick to match the size of his mind? Now anyone on this site who knows me, knows that I am not one to fight with anyone and that I do try to seek out the truth. And, in this case, I did give it my very best effort... lol Unfortunately he was not in a cooperative state of mind after I asked him about that. His loss!

[Caroline91]

@Mwolf I would suggest that some women are well worth knowing and some men are well worth knowing. It's not the facade that matters, it's the core. I look for the real, essential person behind the face they present to the world and that's who I become friends with. And it seems that you have learned one of the same life lessons I have: No matter what happens, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

[kmg9150]

So if you eventually explode, whats holding it in preventing? If anything its making it worse, if you would discuss these things at the beginning your emotions won't be in the red zone. The thing no longer is a minor dislike but now an occurrence that pisses you the F* off. here's the thing, most the time the person doesn't even know its bothering anyone else. Conflict is necessary to resolve situations on life, and when we avoid something its often because its the right thing to do despite the push back it may cause. This behavior starts as children. When parents tell kids they shouldn't say something because it will hurt anothers feelings, despite that thing said being true…

[Rosexøxø]

Can’t be too impulsive either though. Some people don’t want to solve the situation and it becomes a chess match. They see what you want or how you feel and they’ll scratch those feelings and start burning the bridges to the solution in hopes to keep you mad/riled and frustrated.

Some real snakes out there.. 🐍

Who don’t want to resolve things.

[Rosexøxø]

Otherwise I agree with this statement. In the right context with the right people. But making a practice of it doesn’t seem like a bad idea either.

[kmg9150]

Impulsive responses are often the more honest ones. Its not so much people dont want to solve situations, it more or less their sub conscious is making decisions that it thinks its needed for survival, even if it had negative consequences. The other thing is that solving a situation might go against something they gave believed for a long time, this again will lead to the above result mentioned, taking all avenues in hopes to preserve this belief the mind thinks is helping them survive.

It more of an ignorance than stupidity that these people are faced with. Like I said a lot of who and how we are dates back beginning and ending in our early childhood. This is why it can be so difficult for people to change. Then consider all the psychological manipulation we have been put through from people around us, schooling, news, social media, entertainment and the biggest cohort being the advertising industry.

In the end, your getting frustrated because people aren't thinking and seeing the same things as you.

I agree with right context and right people, some people will act out over emotionally and do some dumb sh1t and go to jail over something said.

I also agree with fuckit and throw gorilla wrenches and see what happens.. If I’m hated then so be it, likewise with the alternatives. My theory is that most people won't experience how they are perceived in the eyes of others, only seeing it from first person, because the only time most people will see themselves in second person is in vanity when they are looking in the mirror. They are focus on the how others see them physically, even then its for fractions of time when compared to our own. Most people won't bring that persons actions out in the open so that they can see it in the eyes of others, instead they rather whisper behind their back or not say anything at all… Leaving the behavior to continue.

Same thing goes with narcissist, most people walk away, run, avoid when they see them for who they are

[kmg9150]

Which leaves the narc to prey victim on another, ironically its the same reason the one before was faced with the situation…. Problem with this is that most narcs have became to advanced with the behavior it takes more than one individual to defeat their ego, which I dont care what people say, can be done.

I think I rambled enough and I can monkey branch topics like no other. I dont disagree with what youve said and to be blunt, I’m crushing from your input youve shared.

[mobiusforniner]

Life is a balance. Sometimes we say too much. Yet, not enough. Love can blossom and end, wars can destroy entire countries- all with the power of words. The tongue is a potent weapon and words, like bullets, cause irreversible damage with no way to call them back. Choose what you say carefully. Remember to love yourself; invest your time in ways which allow a constructive and positive release of the inner tension. You have to. Bottling it - so to speak - is very detrimental to your mental and physical well being. First master the art of listening- this will help you know what to say and when….

[sage2021]

My profile says I am a straight shooter. Only because I just like to get to the point, not to ever hurt anyone's feelings.

But my whole life I have held things in (my gut) and it caught up with me when my stomach just couldn't take anymore of me holding things inside.
I have a terrible illness from doing that since I was a little girl.

But now that I am older and still have the awful condition in my stomach I don't hold things in, but I don't engage in controversy or drama, arguments, etc.

I'm just kinda numb anymore.

[Rosexøxø]

This is sad 😔 I apologize for this. I’m also curious about what the stomach thing is? I hold things in and read something about how stress can affect us physically. I hope it’s not accurate but there could be some truth. Any ounce of an elaborating share would be greatly appreciated and if not, totally understandable. Thanks for this 💯

[sage2021]

@Rosexøxø
Hi,
My stomach issues turned into what the doctor diagnosed me with is called Gastroparesis. Basically a paralyzed gastro-intestional system. My food takes 8 to 13 hours to digest and it's painful with bloating.
Sometimes I look 8 months pregnant, and my stomach area is as hard as a rock. Very uncomfortable.
Ask me questions and I will answer you ok?

[idonotlikeyou]

For a long time, I kept a lot inside, I didn't want arguments, conflicts, or anger. But that doesn't work. People, especially men, never appreciate that. When I didn't engage in debate, they thought they had won and tried to push me around. Never again.

[Rosexøxø]

Oh that’s quite awful. At the same time I don’t like to fight 🤔. If they want to hate women and on and on, they can go for it. I just want to live my life ignoring people’s insanity as much as I can.

[DizzyDesii]

For the most part, i speak my mind but sometimes i get tired of sounding like a broken record when i know saying it the first few times to the person didn't cause them to change/improve. So sometimes i’ll just say “you already know how i feel about the situation”

[Crimsyjo]

I hold a lot in. Especially at work. I'm probably more direct in relationships tho because I think communition is so important.

[DrPepper12]

Here's THE Stoicism philosophy:

This is false
This is unproductive
This is ignorable

This is temporary
This is universal
This is survivable

If it passes ALL those tests then i consider it further. If not, its bearable and i can progress with MY life. Stoicism and Buddhism can alter lives. Try it!

[Rosexøxø]

I wish I knew how they all connect but they don’t seem to. Feel free to elaborate if at all. Cause I wish I grasped this but didn’t.

[Rosexøxø]

Appreciate it nonetheless!

[Caroline91]

Or how about 1) Can I do anything about it? and 2) Will it really matter 20 years from now? You know, the KISS principle.

[DrPepper12]

@Caroline91 yup! Exactly that. It truly saves so much angst and wasted emotions.

[Damaged00]

I say what I need to say if it is important to me. There are gut instinctual things I want to say but I shut it down and let it go because most of the time it just isn't worth my peace.

[avery58]

I used to hold it in but I'm learning to communicate my feelings

[Rosexøxø]

This is admirable and I think a good thing with striving for. Glad you found something working out for you.

[avery58]

@Rosexøxø thanks 😊

[Dongie]

I let a lot of things go. If I say something it needs to be said. Mostly. Then sometimes I'm in a mood just looking for an argument. At those times, I'm wrong. But at that moment I don't care. So I'm doubley wrong.

[Caroline91]

If I can't just say it and be heard, then I'm not with the right person.

[coxoabean]

Yes, I do often. It can be hard to hold things in, but sometimes you have to

[just_a_potato]

Yes I do hold back. a lot of people come to me and tell me their secrets because I'm a quiet potato. I have my own secrets as well. If I spoke my mind all the time, a lot of dirty laundry is being aired.

[Skinhead-1979]

My mouth used to go faster than my mind... but I have been 'beaten into submission' and I no longer dare to speak my mind.

[Rosexøxø]

:\ I apologize for that. Your mind is one of a kind. Too unique to be forgotten.

[IWILLPLEASEYOU]

THATS WHAT WE WERE TOLD TO FEEL LIKE, BUT THAT'S WHY WE ALL NEED A GOOD THERAPY SESSION FOR YOU ALWAYS SHOWING THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL 💯

[FarmBoy13]

It’s not that I hold it in for risk of offending anyone and creating conflict. It’s that the conflict isn’t worth the energy it once was.

[Rosexøxø]

I see. Very interesting.

[Ladsin2]

If something has to be said I’ll say it. I don’t think most things rise to that level so I bottle the rest of that stuff up.

[Rosexøxø]

Seems like a good thing to have a hobby, but also practice reflection/ self awareness. This way you distribute the energy you felt, but don’t become an animal driven to things or away from things, but you can realize how you feel, what you dislike, and decide to strong running from or to things when you need to just rest at times. A sort of healthy balance. This way you’re empowered and not always reacting to what others do or say to you in provoking manners. This is just opinion as well, so consider it at best.

Best to you!

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm blunt but i'm either going to be logical, tactful, or silly about it.

[MK1997]

I am like you

[RedInnocent69]

I keep a lot in. Usually to protect others.

[Rosexøxø]

That’s thoughtful

[RedInnocent69]

@Rosexøxø I think so, but when they insist on pressing, sometimes I let them have it.

[exitseven]

yes, I keep my mouth shut.