Is being an adult mostly learning to swallow your feelings?

[SugarSugarplum]

Yes, appearing even-tempered is the sign of an adult.

No. Swallowing your feelings makes you untrue to yourself.

[BullShark]

In a lot of cases, yes. A lot of people view someone showing emotions and by extensions feelings (at least where I'm from) in a man as an immature and unmanly trait, which all men must avoid as much as possible. As a man, you're expected to always be strong and be the stoic, unemotional and emotionally mature shoulder for OTHERS to cry on and lean on when THEY'RE feeling down. If you're the one that's being emotional instead, you're seen as weak and with poor emotionally control (exactly why phrases like "man up" or "boys don't cry" have been drilled into our psychie since the moment we became sentient).

This goes for anger as well. One of the common signs expected off of a strong man are the ability to stay cool minded and grounded when faced with tense situations and problems. Instead of lashing out at your surroundings and the people around you when something doesn't go your way, someone's taking the piss out of you, or you're faced with a challenge, as an adult, you're expected to maintain a cool demeanor and come up with a logical and reasonable solution to your problem.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Drilled into our cultures, not psyche, because at the psyche level I really don't expect our ancestors to be in self-control of anything. More like ravaged by all sorts of emotions lol

[Juxtapose]

@Maybe_Maybe_not what about monks who are so disciplined you can burn them and they won't even make a sound?

[Juxtapose]

That's an ancient tradition.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@Juxtapose A tradition absolutely not representative of mankind, because it's a small sample. A sample that could be studied psychologically: What is discipline, what is self-control and what is repression. What are the relations and implications for these three terms

[Juxtapose]

@Maybe_Maybe_not they tend to be healthier, have far less mental problems and so on. They are models for humanity.

[Juxtapose]

Senzo Tanaka is a great example.

[Juxtapose]

Although he's a straight up ninja rather than a monk.

[normalice]

Almost. It's more to do with making the effort to not be a narcissist. This isn't really swallowing feelings so much as understanding them in the context of everyone else's feelings, and so usually concluding they were much more petty than they felt from the inside. We are all born that way and have to learn not to be. A lot of us fail, though, and when enough of us do some truly insane things can happen, like whole political parties can be taken over by self absorbed people who earnestly believe because their nominee is a narcissist he will represent their narcissism, too. That, of course, has never once been the way narcissism works..

[jojouzumaki]

It’s probably seen as swallowing your feelings but the truth of the matter is… you learned that your feelings matter therefore, you don’t need anyone to validate it at all. It is a state of mind , in which you fully understand “what matters and what’s not”.

[purplepoppy]

It's being able to take responsibility regardless of your feelings while acknowledging your actions may impact the feelings of others and come back to bite you in the ass.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

The word "appearing" nails something here, I think.

In my perspective, no one is an adult, but people can behave as adults yes, as in taking responsibilities for their actions, momentarily. And when that moment ends, there is this inner child who never disappeared really from the overall picture that is a person.

Alternatively, this kid can be locked up behind bars, adults love doing that, it's common practice among men.

[Juxtapose]

When you reach a certain age you should be reacting first with your frontal lobe. This has been mapped with brain scans. Kids or people who have never grown up think first with more primitive, reactionary parts of their brain. Adults who are mature think first with their frontal lobe when confronted with a tense situation.

[BTigers96]

Being able to manage your emotions is a sign of maturity, and self control. It's how real adults act.

As expected, babies and young children lack this capacity. That's why they're "babies".

Adults who are unable control their emotions are trainwrecks. To be successful in life one needs to keep "feelings" in check or you're doomed to a series of bad decisions and dysfunction.

[strateguy632]

Reminds of the lady screaming when she heard trump won president.

[BTigers96]

@strateguy632 ... kind of sums them up.

[Chazmatazz269]

No, being an adult is mostly accepting responsibility and accountability. It’s not necessary to “swallow your feelings”, but it helps because children prioritize their feelings over their responsibilities and accountability. It’s a balancing act too few have perfected.

[nolabels]

There's a difference between acknowledging and expressing one's emotions, and conversely, allowing one's emotions to rule one's behavior.

One can remain even-tempered while still expressing their emotions.

[DextroShade]

Not exactly, being an adult is making yourself do things you don't want to do because you know you will be better in the long run for having done them, or not letting yourself do things you want to do because you know you will be worse off in the long run for doing them.

[Nikki1989]

It is more about communicating feelings in a healthy and respectful manner.

[HighValue]

No. Being an adult means you can buy your own video games. :)

[tzdc21]

Being an adult means learning how to act. Which includes learning when to swallow your feelings and when not to.

[LiamJHayden]

I find that it is mostly learning not to care what people who are not contributing positively to your life think about you.

[slatyb]

Those two things are not opposed. Remaining even-tempered is not "swallowing your feelings". It's remaining calm so you can analyze your feelings and take reasoned action.

[MicahRaine]

Being an adult means being mature and knowing how to communicate for real improvement.

[Firestar01]

Not swallowing. Dealing with them. Biiiiiiiiiiiiiig difference.

[Juxtapose]

Yeah actually, you have to be very careful when and how you address certain things.

[Still-alive]

being emotionally mature is a good thing yes.

[Anonymous]

Most people know how to control their feelings by that age.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Well I have to be honest I've learned more self control in my adulthood but that not all it's about

[jjj101010]

No it’s mainly about paying bills, although there is a lot of not saying what u think too

[beefcakebradybatson]

Which is why Yankees' life expectancy is the lowest in the First World.

[SugarSugarplum]

Explain.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Japan's life expectancy is 80 or so;America's is about 76 despite being the richest nation on Earth.

[Ironco]

Well, it teaches you to swallow something, that's for sure... Lol

[SugarSugarplum]

Do Tell.

[Ironco]

Lol.. I'm sure you know what I mean..

[Agape93]

Feelings and other things... @Abbycado

[Abbycado]

Own it lol

[Agape93]

Maximum effort!

[Agape93]

🎶 my pussy tastes like Pepsi cola 🎶
Lol

[Abbycado]

Pepsi? XD

[Abbycado]

Why did you fill it with Pepsi lmao

[Agape93]

It's a song lol

[Agape93]

Not throwing off my ph with a soda xD

[Abbycado]

I thought maybe for the fizzy bubbles XD

Oooooo, tingly!

[Agape93]

Lmao xD

[Smashingdoozy]

Maybe more learning when you should and shouldn't

[debtfree_oneyear]

And if your a straight women learning to swallow other things

[Jennz6]

I’m not sure but I said even-tempered

[Reijen]

Means learning to deal with them in a healthy way.

[NathanDavis]

that, would make you immature...

[Slim57]

You could say that's what some are swallowing

[jahaims]

No lol