Why are people so quick to blame external factors or circumstances than to take full ownership of their failures? ?

[Nikki1989]

Excuses, no matter how valid they might feel currently, only serve to keep us stuck.

Updates

11 mo

You see examples of this every day on here. People love to reinforce limiting beliefs to feel better about themselves.

[VIVANT]

Dreams are a very different thing than doing _somethung_

a paraplegic who was destined for Olympic gymnasts barely has no hope of fulfilling that dream it does not matter if they blame themselves or not and there no value in blaming yourself for something you had no control over

Does it mean they can do NOTHING? No. bit life is 8 changed. They may form new dreams but maybe not. There’s no room in this scenario for accountability opening up

If a child is molested and no one believes them and instead they are drugged for bad behavior for decades their life is destroyed in many ways, maybe they are so transfused by the event and the gaslighting and the drugs they even the concept of dreaming is impossible. Doesn’t help them to “take accountability” and it’s not wrong for them to acknowledge their obstacles.

An honest neighborhood shop keeper living in a war torn land who loses everything they worked their life for in ten second bombing including their limbs and their stem was to support a family and now they are impotent… recognizing their dreams are crushed is not failure to take accountability

really bad deep dark 💩 happens to people irl. Sometimes they are depressed bc their dreams are literally crushed and there’s nothing they can do about it. And often there IS blame. But to sick side they is considered “self victimizing”unless you are rich and can legally sue.

basically poor people in a crisis are victimizing themselves inflicting “learned helplessness”.. rich people sue and if victorious are people who “ fought back”

~~

Some people a not look critically at their behavior and this stunts mental growth.

Other people can look at things so critically they know so precisely exactly how tragically their dreams are lost and even justice is behind their reach.

the world is harsh. Accountability is great and goes both ways and solving a problem is impossible without it but it’s certainly not a solution in itself.

[SereneScribe3]

Most people don't like being wrong about anything, or having their ego blown. You see examples of this in online conversations, where people often lash out at others for no reason, even when their comment was fairly neutral and inoffensive. They're seeking easy validation and ego gratification, instead of accepting that no one is perfect and seeing mistakes, as an opportunity for growth and learning. Of course, external circumstances outside of our control can sometimes play a role, but how we respond to them also matters

[SereneScribe3]

Thank you for mho

[Stevepro68]

It's an underlying factor of humanity. That we all believe I. Pur own inerrancy. The less we know the more confident that what we know is true. So change, accepting errors, changing our behaviors is counter intuitive for us and takes a lot of cognitive humility. Rare in humans in my opinion.

[SotiCoto]

Because they don't want to change what they're doing. People fear change.
As long as they can blame it on other factors, they can convince themselves that they don't need to change.

[Nikki1989]

Bingo, we have a winner!

[Crimsyjo]

Because it's a bit of both really. And sometimes only one or the other. If you get fired from your job for being shitty at it then yes your own failures were the cause. If the company had to downsize or go bust you just got unlucky. And your life turned to shot over external factors.

If there's a middle ground... the company needed to fire someone and upon looking at your record or maybe you never really got on with the boss, so they chose you over someone else to go? That's a bit of both. You failed to do better but as you can't go back and change it, it's easier to concentrate on the external factors.

[DangerouslyCute]

because our mind is shielding us from the stress related to admitting we made a mistake...

the same mechanism works when people make a mistake and then they say "it's your fault you did this and that" like if they couldn't assess the situation by themselvesand had to follow the pattern... :D

the defense mechanisms are the strongest and hardest to change

[RHK36]

It's gotten worse over the years so I'm going to put a little on how newer generations are raised. I've always said though if you are over 25 then that's when it starts to be on you. At some point you can't blame others for how stuff turns out. Own your flaws and mistakes. Try to improve otherwise it'll be on you.

[MemeSupreme]

people don't like to give the benefit of the doubt bc they might not return the favor

and i feel like i'm still learning from my past relationships. ik most of the stuff i did wrong, but some stuff will randomly hit me

[Bricealan]

@Nikki1989 Easiest way out rather than tell themselves "I fucked up, this is/was my own fault, I caused it". Most of us /me included bring on our own problems.

[AviatorTom]

Psychologically, it's easier to blame someone else than blame yourself, especially for people with insecurity issues.

[DryGermanGuy]

„That malfunctioning little twerp. This is all his fault. He tricked me into going this way.“
- C-3PO, Star Wars Episode 4

[capriVib]

Because a lot of people tend to choose the easy path, playing the victim role to gain approval from others feels good.

[SamWinchester058]

Because taking responsibility and doing the work is much harder than pointing the finger. I think this could be part of the reason the world is such a mess. Many people blame things on their emotions. I think it's ok to let yourself acknowledge how you feel. But it's what comes after your feelings that matters. What actions do you take because of those feelings? Those actions are yours and yours alone regardless of how someone made you feel.

[purplepoppy]

Because they're not alway excuses, they're often valid reasons. Stuff like this is just designed to make you feel shit about yourself.

[NathanDavis]

immaturity...

it just takes some more time... sometimes

[LiamJHayden]

Frankly most people are too weak to self-examine and thus recognize that their own poor choices have led to the vast majority of their failures.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's easier than accepting personal responsibility. Usually people who find themselves in these situations know good and well that they've ignored many warnings and alternative solutions.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You make it sound like admitting you’re the reason for your own unhappiness is easy.

[Nikki1989]

Easy for some, not for others, obviously.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Easy for the minority, not the majority

[TheoreticallyGreat]

It's oftentimes easier to blame someone or something rather than oneself.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Cause when you take full responsibility that admitting that fucke up and not many people are willing to admit they're wrong

[Communicationisking]

It is self sabotage it is very common for people to do it

[Charliefretz329]

Because it would require self reflection and breaking of self taught lies.

[CubaPirate]

Weakness and a lack of ambition I'd guess 🤷

[lorenzomichael]

Because people are stupid asses. They hate taking responsibility. Unlike me if I fuck up, I fuck up I own it and then I get over it.

[Malwi93]

Because it is often circumstances fault duh 🙄

[katiesmuff]

Guess because it's the easier path!

[serious]

That is because it is easier.

[Fireguy17]

It comes from the it's not my fault generations.

[Jennz6]

The path of least resistance

[Grond21]

Because it's a lot easier in the moment.

[Lilly1979]

Cause i’m perfect everyone else is at fault.

[msg321]

Because making excuses is more comfortable.

[Dorothy90]

Cause it easier to blame others.