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By "unearned" I mean a compliment you got basically for nothing or for something very basic that wouldn't warrant a compliment. A compliment that feels patronizing and/or condescending but unintentionally so.
I'll give some examples of this happening to me:
So my elderly aunt was talking to this elderly friend of hers, and for context I know some (Brazilian) Portuguese but not a lot. And my aunt and the friend are Brazilian. And the topic of grandmas came up. And they were like "does he even know what a grandma is?" They were talking in Portuguese to be clear. And in Portuguese I replied "a grandma is the mother of the father or mother of the child" and the friend was like "OH MY GOD THAT'S RIGHT HE'S EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT!"
And to be clear this is extremely common knowledge in Portuguese. Even literal toddlers know what a grandma is. And my Portuguese is shabby but that's literally one of the first things you learn in Portuguese. Cat, dog, mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, etc. So it felt insulting to my intelligence. Almost like being told I'm intelligent for knowing that 2+2=4.
Another one, back in 12th grade when I was 18, this elderly teacher started treating me like I was above and beyond all because I said "good morning" to her instead of ignoring her like all the other kids. Like she really HYPED ME UP. And my grades in her class were terrible too and I barely paid attention in class, and I wasn't even all that nice to her. Literally a "good morning" was all I needed to impress her. In reality I wasn't impressive. The rest of the class was just extremely rude.
It felt patronizing because it almost felt like winning a medal/trophy for doing absolutely nothing. Like winning a medal just simply for breathing.
Those are the two main examples I can think of. Though I probably could think of more. Coincidentally or not both instances involved elderly women. I guess elderly women really like giving out free compliments for absolutely nothing, eh?
What Girls & Guys Said
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"WOU your Icelandic is SOOOOOO good" - thanks, I happen to be Icelandic.
Another one with languages - "Oh you're not danish but you speak such good Danish" - thanks only been here for 20 years. 👍
Another one is when people comment on my weight loss and how hard I've worked, while in all honesty - I just stopped drinking and started working + moving my ass. + There's plenty of related "compliments" (&comments) related to my body.
Hmm yeah. The classic "omg you speak (insert language) so well" when you're literally from that culture and/or have been living in that place for a really long time. Almost feels kind of sarcastic.
For my case my English is waaaaayyy better than my Portuguese so I actually appreciate compliments on my Portuguese, BUT in my post example I was complimented for knowing what a "grandma" in Portuguese is... EVEN A TODDLER KNOWS WHAT A GRANDMA IS IT'S ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS THEY TEACH YOU! 🤦
As for the weight loss and hard work, that's a different thing. For some people weight loss can be a legitimately super difficult and daunting task, some people ultimately not being able to do it at all. It's a huge problem in the USA in general actually. Especially if you check out shows like "My 600 Pound Life" or "1000 Pound Sisters."
But then others (like you) can do it a lot more easily with no struggle. In the end basically all it is, IS drinking less, working out, and moving your ass. That's even what the doctors in the shows like "600 Pound Life" tell the patients to do though they often refuse out of depression and self-pity.
So basically depending on who you ask weight loss and hard work IS impressive (like the 600 Pound Life people) but for others it's not impressive at all (like for you). So it just depends.
But yeah. With related "compliments (& comments)" I assume you mean sexual compliments/comments. Which is obviously not okay.
And for someone learning Portuguese is fucking hard and dreadful. Not everyone can. It's different, they didn't know you had learned the basics - they just nice to you, take the compliment.
You're a fucking prick with no idea about my life and you're comparing me to my 600lbs life and Americans in general. That's fucking🤢
And your last paragraph explain your whole essence here "i assume...". Just like those idiots giving me compliments about my weight loss and my languages.
You be like those elder ladies you're bitching about
Okay okay okay wow wow wow wow wow let's take at least a thousand steps back and let me clarify my side before escalating this even more.
First of all, before your replies, I actually REALLY liked your initial response. Perhaps even better than "Knightwatch27's" response (which I also thought was really good). Definitely MHO worthy. However didn't know how you'd respond or if you'd even respond at all after that.
First thing's first, one thing at a time, for the record I did NOT mean to insult or offend you. So I'm really SORRY if it came off that way.
For the record I DO realize the problem could be me. I sometimes am HORRIBLE at conveying tone online. Like this one time I was insulting myself but the guy I was talking to thought I was insulting HIM and I had to clarify things.
Second, literal toddlers know what a grandma is. It's one of the first words they teach you. Cat, dog, dad, mom, grandma, grandpa, etc. Even toddlers already know it. That's why it felt like a terrible compliment.
Third, calling me a "fucking prick" was kind of uncalled for, though depending on how my tone was conveyed I can understand why that'd be an appropriate insult. But anyway, I was making the comparisons to show people that are THE COMPLETE AND TOTAL OPPOSITES OF YOU. Everything has its opposite counterparts. Extrovert vs introvert. Skinny vs fat. Mentally ill vs mentally health. Hot vs cold. Young vs old.
And the reason I said "I assume" is because I know there are A LOT of creepy men who make comments on women's bodies when no one asked.
For those elderly ladies, meh, I didn't know anything about them anyway, so I don't know whether to be insulted or not.
If you still wanna hate me or insult me after my clarification, go ahead I suppose. I'll either ignore you (more mature thing to do) or fight you back till I get bored (less to lose in online fight than real life fight).
When I had my graduation and we were walking in train back from the church to school where diplomas and such had been handed out, several random people I had never met in school walked up and patted me on the back and was all "well done Alex, awesome, really!" Girls and boys of different programs. I had no freakin' idea what I had done lol.
Mmm yeah that IS pretty awkward. Seems so random and unexpected.
Still not as bad as my examples though. Being complimented for knowing what a grandma is in Portuguese and for saying "good morning."
It's like wtf? What's next? A compliment for breathing?
At least graduation is more impressive than knowing what a grandma is or saying "good morning." Lol.
Lol, I was not competing at what was worse - I was answering your question. Wtf. 😂
Wou, you know English? And you're so good at it? That's fucking impressive dude. Like wow.
Lol, wrong reply - not that yours was much better to my reply. Have fun with your who had it worse competition. 😂👍
@NordicInScandinavia Okay, I already left my really long response to your own comment, and obviously you left a reply on "Knightwatch27's" response by a mistake. So not much to say here that wasn't already said there.
For that insult, not sure if I deserve it or not, but wow, predictable. The exact thing I said I hated you say. Not very creative. Though I might deserve it.
And it's less of "who had it worse" and more of trying to relate to people. Just comparing different situations to try to have a conversation.
Either way, not much to say here.