What do "real people" understand "rape" to be?

Question

I'm not talking about the dictionary or legal definition of rape. I'm a lawyer, I know what that is.

I'm wondering what real people - like you - consider to be the "definition" of rape.

Keep in mind the danger of defining "rape" too "broadly" or "narrowly".

If you define it too broadly, you are criminalizing people who have genuinely not done anything "criminally" wrong. Sure, maybe you have some tortuous conduct and you can seek money damages for those, but not conduct that rises to the degree and seriousness of "rape". Defining it broadly also places significant strain on the natural and normal sexual relationships of ordinary people, and adds substantial confusion as to what conduct is or isn't criminal. Additionally, the broader you define rape, the less serious or severe the "crime of rape" becomes. If a broad range of conduct is included in rape, then to "rape" someone doesn't really mean anything anymore.

If you define rape too narrowly, you have the opposite problems. Now, you elevate the seriousness of "rape" to being equivalent with first degree murder. Although you are criminalizing rape-like conduct with other "non-rape" crimes (sexual misconduct, forcible touching, sexual abuse, sexual assault, etc.) technically, by defining what is really "rape" as something less, you are not properly punishing conduct that should be properly punished as rape. Obviously, nobody wants to be convicted of any crime, whether it's for rape or any other sex crime, so there's no real danger that people are going to go wild and commit this wrongful conduct just because we don't call it "rape". However, by being underinclusive of conduct that is really and genuinely "rape", then society is no longer able to be properly aware of just how much of a problem "rape" is.

I'm very interested to know what you all think. Specifically, try and come up with your own definition of what you genuinely consider "rape" to be.

Thank you

goflipaburger · Accepted Answer

I'm relatively comfortable with the current national standard. Rape is not always "forcible" or extremely violent and it does not only happen to women. The current standard encompasses the fact that consent is key; all forms of penetration without consent is considered rape. I'm not going to come up with my own definition simply because I'm comfortable with the current definition and see little to no reason for me to change it as it is inclusive, definitive, descriptive, and a reflection of what I consider to be rape.

As for other important definitions, consent is important. Aside from the legal standard, consent should be the clear physical response and reciprocation towards sexual advancements, a verbal response, either with valid ability to consent. If you're drunk and unable to speak or properly reciprocate or otherwise say no, then that person is unable to consent. The person must be conscious and willing; either person should be free and able to stop at any time without being forced to continue.

If you start to have consensual sex with someone who forcibly then stuffs your face into a pillow and uses their sexual act to harm you (shoving an object not agreed upon in you, or using their genitals to harm you without giving you ability to say "stop" or "no) I would also consider that rape. You consented to having sex, not to be harmed or violated (unless you consent to being harmed, of course).

(In case someone else does not know the legal standard atm):

“The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”

_my_fukking_anarchy · Accepted Answer

for something to be considered rape for me it has to fit this standard:

-there needs to be repeated serious emotional non consent (no's while laughing doesn't count as non consent). Like NO NO NO PLEASE STOPPPPP. That can be sufficient depending on the context and the place where it's happening. If there is a high chance of escape if you try, there needs to be physical opposition. I'm not ness talking fighting at all, but you need to try to get away (if he hits you and you stop, it's still rape). If there is a big chance someone can hear you and your physical safety isn't at risk, you need to call for help. It's all about showing explicit non consent, that most humans will understand is a NO and that something is very off.

-The assaulter needs to use force (not ness hitting you but pinning you down at least) and needs to show some sadistic behavior: insulting you, hitting you, torturing you, hurting you, visible signs of enjoying your pain, threatning you.

-this is controversial but I don't really consider it rape if it's done by a teen on a teen, or by someone younger than 25 I don't know why. Unless it's beyond violent.

-The last thing for me to take it real seriously is that the victim needs to be traumatized by it.

bijbee · Accepted Answer

We should live by the law. To have an opinion is useless because all we need is solutions to problems. To give an opinion hurts people and they do it with aggression what is not good for people and opinions are useless.
Many people do self-rape. For example in a marriage and then they pretend nothing is going wrong. Then there are cases from people who come out of it they were raped and they feel self pity while the whole world rapes themselves and be happy because they do not notice the rape and being happy means deny of pain and being sad is deny of the things that are good or not so bad. People are selfish and see only themselves or to narrow and all do. Noone excluded. To think right means study long. People think, hey I am clever and clever means being a fast thinker. but in reality to think takes a long time to get through it all so when people are fast they learn nothing and say quick crap. they believe they look smart but they look stupid. so they failed to look clever. now we have a world full of people who try to look clever but are stupid because they never have the time and never take the time to think because they need to be quick.

Johnjohnny · Accepted Answer

I was shocked at that girls comment about: I does not affect lads! Usually when lads are taken advantage of by ladies it's not force it's seduction! And they feel worse cause if some one pinned them down and made them ejaculate they'd know and everyone else would know it was not there fault! Imagine trying to convince your S/O or jury that you did not give consent to that lady and you did not want sex in any way! You wouldn't even be able to convince you self: so how could it be easier get over; that you'd being screwed over! How? But I do kinda take it point on how you were treated after: like if you were just just left there lying behind a wall or bush even after consensual sex: wouldn't u wonder were u?

ElijahCynicism · Accepted Answer

Forced or coerced sexual intercourse, without the consent of one party. That seems to work, for me...

Although, sexual intercourse might be vague. Jacking off onto a girl on a subway train might be considered sexual intercourse, but is that really rape? But then, penetration is too narrow, because surely forced oral is rape, if it comes from an aggressive standpoint - but perhaps not from a coercive standpoint?

I think, a good way to measure it would be equate the punishment to the level of psychological damage incurred by the victim. But that might be complicated.

alistee · Answer

rape can be in a lot of different versions or at least the outcomes of what called "rape" by law.

my story ; i used to date someone for a while, i thought he was into serious relationship as he had told me. however he was lying and manipulate me just to use me for sex and do some horrible things to me.
i trusted him, because i thought we were having a relationship while he just used me for sex, and to be exact, violent sex under the cover of love and title of relationship.
so people might blame me and say "it's your problem, why did you trust him" , but the i'm not a problem.
world goal, or at least should be; to be honest, to trust, be compassionate to each other. people shouldn't live in fear , be anxious and lonely with trust issues for their whole life. what a horrible life to have.

well, sadly and ironically i can't really trust anyone since then. not talking about my sex life that i'm afraid ruined forever or at least till i learn to trust again. sometimes i'm triggered when something reminds me of him and i do sometimes blame myself for how stupid i was thinking violent sex can be love. while he probably "banging" and psychologically hurting another victim.

ethanallen · Answer

This Law and Order SVU crap has gone too far. In one episode, the head of the squad, Benson, once had a fling with a much older college professor when she was much younger. She claims later, when she is a fat middle age police sex detective that they professor raped her because he had "power over her." Jesus H Christ. The only men who get laid are those with "power over women." Do you think women have sex with men they don't view as wealth or powerful. This was so fucking stupid that I stopped believing any allegation of rape. The show is a liberal woman's effort to make men into wimps who beg for sex.

israelisevil · Answer

Rape is a very serious thing to sujjest someone going through something minor is rape is what devalues the true forced sex. 1/3 girls ik been raped and were very traumatized by it the 2/3 or so didn't get raped think stuff like not paying hookers, taking off condom secretly, a 16 and 19 year old fucking is rape. It devalues the crime. Nobody cares about rape. Cops arrest people with drugs collecting rainwater and having guns to defend themselves but they dont give a shit about rape. One girl i know went to cops and they never even called her back or did anything

Daniel3035 · Answer

Well i’m on my way to patent law.
So ill give you my definition of what I believe it to be rape to me is effectively a physically sexual act forced upon a victim who did not consent or was physically unable to consent.
What this means though can be many things because rape is something you know about but you’ll never understand rape until you experience it. The begging for help or not to rape you and then realising reasoning is no good. Or mentally preparing yourself for it and then actually being raped and panicking through all of it what do I do will it stop I feel sick. And once it’s over it’s what do I do what will people think is he going to do it again tomorrow. This is what it effectively is like but defining this into words is difficult which is why in patent law when you need to explain something you can’t easily explain with complicated terminology you use simple explanations.

Dominique_7 · Answer

I would say the following conditions have to be met:

- there was penetration

- it was against the will of one of the parties

- that person made it clear that they didn't want to have sex (by saying they didn't want it or giving physical signs, e.g. pushing the other person away)

What's the legal definition?

katylaura · Answer

forcing someone to have sex with you even though you are aware that they do not want to, whether that be through physical (eg, pinning them down) or mental (eg, threatening to hurt their family) means.

mrsterlingarcher · Answer

Using physical force or other means that take away a person's ability or importance of consent to have sex with them.
To be noted: The perpetrator doesn't have to be a meathead mountain of muscle. The victim could also be tied up, drugged or held at gunpoint. Whatever it is, if it is done with force or by any means that take away their ability to consent, it is rape.

ImJustBeingMe · Answer

My idea of rape is when someone is forced to do something sexual to another without wanting to. I mainly believe it is sex, but I think any other sexual act can be rape. If no act is committed, but attempted, I would call it sexual harrasment ornattempted rape. :)

BaileyisDarcy · Answer

Being forced into sex without consent. That's what rape is. Sexual assault is being forced into any other sexual activity, or being touched sexually without consent.

SuperGlitterGirl · Answer

It's mostly how I feel about the guy. If he's a loser I have no hesitation to report him for rape even if I got drunk on purpose. If I want to keep him around I am usually don't really care.

aviator78 · Answer

I define it as intercourse without consent, with revoked consent, or in violation of conditional consent.

MlleCake · Answer

I kind of operate on the legal definition. I think all partners need to seek ongoing, enthusiastic consent, with parties who can legally consent.

Bombshell13 · Answer

It won't let me comment, but I agree with katylaura.

chopper1977 · Answer

sex, molestation, anything sexual that unwanted/forced.

CaviarLilly · Answer

Violent forced sex with a stranger or intoxicated sex without your permission with anyone

JustWorthlessMe · Answer

in Trump's America, who knows?

wouterv · Answer

Well if the women or man did not consent to the action that happen to follow then it is rape right?

katiesmuff · Answer

I would agree with what has already been said

What do "real people" understand "rape" to be?

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