When should I tell a woman I'm a recovering alcoholic?

Question

I've been sober for ten months and haven't dated since I became sober. How soon should I tell? I don't want to share this right away as I feel a lot of woman wouldn't give me a chance after that. I also don't want to wait to long as I feel that would be deceitful. Any advice would be helpful.

Jerseystarlet · Accepted Answer

When you realize you really like them and want to see more of them. So say you just met this girl talked for a bit on the phone, then had your first date and realized wow I really like this girl and want to see her more. THAT'S when you tell her. When I met my ex our first date went really well and we both knew we were developing strong feelings for each other. He waited two days after our first date because the day before was Halloween and we both had plans and he wanted to do it in person. I could see the fear in his eyes that he was scared to tell me that he used to get high cough syrup all the time as well as other things (mostly "herbal") but had been clean for months . I told him I really appreciated that he told me something so personal and that we all have something that we do or have done that we hope someone close to us won't judge us for. I told him it's not my job to judge him only God can do that and I want to be that person who see's him as human since he's not perfect and made mistakes. He was really glad that I didn't freak out and judge him and want to stop talking to him.  It actually brought us closer since I soon felt comfortable sharing my own secrets.

citroen · Accepted Answer

The sooner you tell her the better, the longer you leave it and more you like her and connect with her, the harder it will be for you to tell her. She will appreciate your honesty. We all have things in our past and issues we are dealing with, it makes us who we are now, by telling her, you are giving her the opportunity to get to know and love the person that you tuly are. She may even have things she  hasn't  discussed with you about herself, but is afraid too, so if you are open with her she may feel she can do the same. Telling her, will be evidence of how much you care about her, how honest and open you are as a person, and most of all your strength of character. You have been sober for 10months, and i can only imagine how difficult your road has been to get to the place you are right now, but you have found the courage and strength to come out of the otherside, Three things on a womans proiority list in relationships is: trust, honesty and loyalty. I sincerely hope all works out for you ! good luck

whattothink · Accepted Answer

It was only our second date with the guy I was seeing. I told him next time he was coming over to my house for some good food and a bottle or two of wine. He told me he didn't drink. I told him I respected that and asked if it was religous reasons. He told me he had had a problem and was never going there again. I was fine with it and even cancelled the drink I had just oredered even though he insisted he had no problem with me drinking. Out of respect for him I never drank and even had my best friend plan a completely non alcoholic birthday party for me that he would be at. And that was tough foe our group. I did however let everyone know that it was nonalcoholic and why. Everyone was very chill about it. So if she likes you and can respect you for what you have accomplished rather than what you were you should be golden. If she can't understand how big of an accomplishment that is than you don't need her. But I would say go with like 3 dates or so.

crazybastard · Accepted Answer

firtst off congrats on the recovery. good job man. and I think you sould just tell her. you are a recovering alcoholic so the key word is recovering. that's what she'll pay attention too. she'll see that you have a mental strengh to stop a strong addiction.

Mesonfielde · Accepted Answer

...if you're no longer an alcoholic, then it doesn't matter if you had been one, right? Just make sure you don't slip back.

scorpioGirl01 · Answer

Congrats on the 10 months sober first off

It's not something I would tell on like the first date just because your just getting to know the person and its not a need to know thing at that point. If she offers you a drink say I don't drink but don't hide it from her either.. if she asks why hthen tell her... The last thing you want to do is lie that early in a relationship... If she doesn't ask I wouldn't tell her until you got to the third date or the point where you think I like this girl and see myself with her etc then explain and tell you you didn't tell her at first because of fear it would scare her off and you didn't want to do that cause you like her. 9 times out of 10 if your being honest like that and giving her a reason you didn't tell her at firstshe will understand and be somewhat flattered that you wanted to keep her around... But again not to long and don't lie if it is brought up.. hope that helps

Anonymous · Answer

The subject of alcohol usually comes up early on when dating someone. If she mentions drinking or offers you a drink, you can just say "I don't drink". If it's in public, don't push the issue further right then, but come back to it later by saying "hey, remember when I said I don't drink, this is the reason"...but if it's a more private situation you can explain it to her then.

If I was dating someone and found out they were a 10 months sober recovering alcoholic, I'd feel good continuing the relationship knowing they have taken steps to overcome their problem.

LoveLust · Answer

First off: Congratz, and keep up the good work. It would be good for her to know, if she ever asks you for a drink, then yeah you should her right at that moment. It's good to tell her after one either a first or second date, but try not to come out of no where and tell her that. Be sure when it gets serious to ask her to not drink when she's near you, because that's not exactly being supportive. Good luck on remaining sober.

Confused26 · Answer

As a women I like honesty all the way. I would say it depends how fast it moves. Obviously if you are just dating I do not see any reason why you should bring this out. That is personal information and dating doesn't necessarily lead to a relationship all the time. I would say once you've had a few dates, if you plan on bringing forward a relationship with that person then you should tell them. Again it all depends how fast you're moving. One thing I will say is you should def. tell before you ask them to get more involved with you. You don't want to engage in a deeper relationship entering with something hidden.

P.S Please read my last question and provide insight. Thanks and Good Luck

Babygurl2012 · Answer

My mom is a recovering alcoholic and she tells people right away that way they are not shocked when on a date and they ask would you like some wine don't feel like they wouldn't give you a shot cus to be honest I wouldn't date a guy who drinks or drinks large amounts

Anonymous · Answer

I feel like this is a real personal issue that wouldn't effect the relationship if you didn't say anything since you don't drink anymore. Since this is the case, I wouldn't bring it up unless she asked why you don't drink. Even then I would just politely say, "Sorry, I don't drink. I'm 10 months sober" smile and carry on.

luckster13 · Answer

I think you should rite away when timing is good . If she asks you what you want then respond I have recently quit drinking. I think if you say something right away, and she's a drinker you would not only get yourself out from; drinking again...u would let her know I'm not gna

TheRawR369 · Answer

A moment where you two are sharing difficult situations you've gone through or when you're just telling eachother things about yourself

Anonymous · Answer

Defiently not a first date kinda thing, but maybe during a second or third when you guys are having a serious conversation about your lives is when you should bring it up. You'd be surprised how many girls would find you manlier that you used to be in a bad place but got yourself out of it and are doing better for yourself. Just go for it and be honest with her, women like it when you open up, they like rawness

Anonymous · Answer

If she cares about you, she will not consider this a turn off. I've come to realize it myself and just asked the question. I don't care, it's part of him, and him, I love. ;)

loveless123 · Answer

3rd or second date depending upon how much you end up liking her. Congrats on your sobriety though.

Anonymous · Answer

It shouldn't even be an issue for you, until you've been sober for a year.

social_lib · Answer

First off, congrats! I would give it after a couple of dates. If just become friends first and then tell her.

Anonymous · Answer

Tbh I don't understand why you're shy about it! You're recovering and that's absolutely great!

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think you need to tell her, let it come up when it does.

Anonymous · Answer

Ok just don't wait till the end I've seen how these things play out it could make all the difference in the world but how I see it is that have a 50/50 chance she'll either be with u or she won't but it's better to be honest

Bee1995 · Answer

I would do it on the first date. But maybe in the end,then she has already got to know you as the person that you are. Just don't wait too long !

maryJoeseph · Answer

Before things get real , you should tell her i guess

Anonymous · Answer

At your first date i would do it. Why even try with a girl if she doesnt like you for who you are?

Anonymous · Answer

I would tell a woman when it starts getting serious. Not too serious though. lol

Anonymous · Answer

Right away. On the first date.

Anonymous · Answer

That's kind of an important thing to know...

Anonymous · Answer

When you put your wee wee in her vajayjay.

Anonymous · Answer

never

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