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It's got nothing to do with being shallow, but has everything to do with shared responsibilities and assistance from you if she were to need it. Here's what I mean...for 6 years I dated a man with no license. I chauffeured him around, drove us to events, and did ALL the running around. I started to think to myself how I was feeling more like a "soccer mom" driving little Billy to practice than a girlfriend. I was paying for the car, the gas, the repairs, and when I got stuck...I paid to get me unstuck. He paid and shared in none of these costs.
I started thinking about the future. What would happen if I got sick and couldn't get out? What would happen if I got hurt and was unable to drive? What would happen when we had kids who needed to be run around, and the shopping needed to be done, and the clothes needed to be dropped off at the laundry, and on and on and on. I worried about how I would handle waking at 2am with a newborn, hurting because I just had a c-section and finding out I am out of milk.
After much thought, and a few other key issues being wrong, I decided to end it.
Fast forward a few years later and I am engaged to man who is a driver. My worst fear is realized and I am involved in a terrible accident that left me hospitalized and debilitated. Surgeries, therapy, hospitalizations, endless doctor appointments...all the while I can't drive. Thank God, thank God, THANK GOD I have this man who can "take the wheel", share the burden and help me when I am at my most vulnerable.
You see, it's got nothing to do with "sexy" or comparing driving to the simulated act of sex. That kind of talk is pure foolishness and immature. It's got everything to do with sharing. Sharing the good, sharing the bad, and shouldering a burden together. If you can't drive, you can't shoulder the burden. If you can't shoulder the burden then you are leaving your female on her own...and pretty soon she will start to think like I did...and realize "damn, I am better off alone".
Good luck. Do yourself a favor and get that license.
I just dated a 37 year old guy who doesn't drive or have his driver licence. I really like him but it did bother me that he can't and won't drive. Driving to me is a very masculine activity and living in North America it definitely makes live easier for both men and women to drive. I also find that when the role is reverse and I was on the driver seat driving him around all day and holding his hand while I am looking for direction mades me look more like his mom/driver than his girlfriend. I wanted to present my feminine side by letting him lead the way and take control but given the circumstances it did't happen and I can see he was not impress by the situation. We broke up shortly after. Even though he gave another excuse I have a feeling that part of the main issue was that he couldn't present his male side to me and was really bothering him. I wasn't able to bring up that issue as I know it would humiliate him even more and that would definitely not help us get back together. But looking back, if he's unwilling to change I can see we will have lots of obstacle in life, like after we have our baby I don't' want to be the main driver that drives everywhere because I am the only one in the relationship who can do that.
I would say my conclusion is, if your man don't drive, ask him why he doesn't want to drive or get his licence. If it's a fear thing or a money thing it certainly raised other concerns given he's a grown man and will have to overcome this situation one way or another. There are other countries like Asia that doesn't really require driving given the convenience of public transportation but in NA driving is still a main source of transportation.
getting driven around by a guy is a time honored way for us to spend time with a man. Its one of the most easiest, and direct foward way to make a woman feel taken care of and get turned on. Here is the thing fellas, it's biology. Assuming you get that we need men to take charge with leading how dates go... think about how a woman is turned on and how our brains function when one partner is "doing" and leading, and the other is receiving and perceptive. Male to female, penis to vagina ... with me? When we DRIVE, we shift from being open, warm, turned on, to FOCUSING on the road, it actually changes how our bodies are going to respond to you. Same thing about making sure your room is clean if you want to get laid in there, it needs to "feel" good to a woman, or "sexy" etc... once she is out of these feeling mode, she's in masculine mode, and its not easy to swtich from one to another since our body needs time and thoughts warming up. etc. There is more to this but I hope you start to get the idea. Men don't need all that stuff to get ready to go, we need the guy to take charge so our bodies, minds and hearts can stay open and warm, and turned on. once we have to start "worrying" about those details or taking care of things... well you get the picture.
The big thing is what it means about being out in the world.
Regarding your update, most of the girls would have their license as well. Plus, you ARE allowed to ask her to pick you up. If she's spoiled and demands a provider and a chauffeur, she can just deal. But usually it's really not that big of a deal. And if it is, it's a useful red flag.
So I wouldn't get too emotionally hung up on this issue. But I WOULD recommend getting your license if you aren't in a big city with public transportation. It really changes a lot.
Depends where you live at.
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I've always been the main driver since I was a teen. I didn't mind because I wanted the practice. I've had several bfs who didn't drive during that time. I didn't care if I was soley responsible for driving then, but I do now. Over time it becomes an issue.
In a nutshell it emasculates men and defeminizes women. I am extremely independent. I must stand toe-to-toe with my partner, but I need to be taken care of a little too. There are times I picture myself in trouble or stranded. If he doesn't drive, how would he come to my rescue?
There have been some snarky responses to this unpopular opinion especially with this time of equality among the sexes. This is biology folks. If I wanted to be in a male-dominated role in my relationship, I would seek that. If I can't get what I need from a relationship, why waste time with the wrong guy?
Also, if it's just for sex then fine, but I catch feelings. I've learned the hard way avoiding red flags avoids complication and pain in the long run.
Just my opinion. Do what you want.
I personally do, and so do the majority of my friends, family and colleagues. I've dated a guy with no car, and to me, it wasn't the fact that he simply HAD NO CAR that turned me off. It was what having no car meant, that turned me off. He ALWAYS wanted to hang out but I would always have to go to his house, or pick him up (out of my way). This got frustrating because there were days where I would be really tired after work, and want to just go home and kick back. On those days, it sucks not being able to be like, "hey, how about you come over to my place instead?". My options ended up having to suck it up, go to his place even though I don't want to (because I was too tired), or cancel (and I hate cancelling on people). Sometimes we would be talking about what his hobbies are or what his hobbies can be (because he did not have much) and I would say something like, "Do you like hiking? You should start doing it more often." and he would be like, "I do but I can't cause I don't have a car," and the list goes on. It just turned me off how there were so many things he couldn't do because he didn't have a car. I know not all guys will be like this, but this is the sort of stuff girls might worry about in a guy without a car.
NOW, if you were living in a big city, I wouldn't mind you not having a car. It's a big city thing, hey. It's hard to park, easier to walk / catch public transport, expensive, etc. But if not, no car is a turn off.
K first of all you sexist piece of shit, you’re assuming what all women want like you know lol. I’m guessing you’re mad because some girl you wanted turned you down? And why would you ask if it’s a turn off when a guy doesn’t drive if you don’t plan on getting a girlfriend because they’re supposedly going to ask you for rides? I think it should be a shared job but if the man is going to act like he’s the dominant one and wants the woman to cook and clean for him then he should stop trying to get the best of both worlds and drive his girlfriend. In the end you’re just a bum dude. No matter if you’re a guy or girl get your own car and drive your lazy ass around. Welcome to the United States of America, bitch.
It's not a turn off for me. I love driving.
Though i do admit it does get annoying when my boyfriend doesn't have a licence and isn't very good at giving much notice of when he needs to be at places. Especially interstate. Especially as I don't have a job right now as I just lost it and he doesn't pitch in on petrol money.
Not being a princess, not having unrealistic expectations, I just want to be with someone where we both share responsibilities. I don't mind if one person does more of one responsibility than the other does, but each responsibility needs to be shared in some way.
It's very tiring having to be so mature the age of 18, when all i want to do is socialise, party, have fun. Have life experiences.
Actually depends on why you don't drive. If you just never learned then that's really weird considering your age. If it's because you can't afford a car and gas and insurance it's a bit off putting because it shows you being less financially secure.
If you live downtown in a major urban area, its probably fine.
I didn't own a car till I was late 20's, selling first home, buying second, was married and had a 2 year old.
If you don't want to drive, I can't imagine why you wouldn't be living in a downtown core.
No No No. Now your looking for a fight. I have dated many men without cars. Financial situations are different and I give them that benefit of the doubt. If it is simply because they are lazy and do not want to do the things they need to in order to get a car and sh*t then no.
honestly, if a guy is driving a cool car it hot but its nothing specail to be able to drive so it wouldn't be a deal breaker plus I love driving so I would drive everywhere
is it weird yes, is it a turn of umm I don't know if we were in nyc i would say hell no but i live in texas and if you don't have a car and drive your basically homeless lol.. but driving isn't hard,,.. i learned when i was 10. lol... i still wouldn't not date someone because of it though thats dumb..
not to mention we start to build up a well of resentment, because our feminine needs start to go unmet driving around and doing certain things for guys. just like a woman can emasculate a man, this is one way to defeminize us.
I know you said not to ask why. But the reason why is a huge factor. If it's something simple like you can't afford a car, that's one thing. But if it's something like you're scared to drive, that is a problem.
Yes it is a turnoff, don't ask if you don't want an honest answer. Dated a guy that didn't drive, I ended up being his personal taxi service for free. Will never do it again. Guy must have a car and a job and a place to live or not gonna consider it... If the shoe were on the other foot what would you want?
Regardless, you should have the ability to drive (like a license). If you live in a city like New York, you may not need a car. If you're in any small city or "car oriented" city like LA, you'll need to have wheels or your dating options will be severely limited.
Not necessarily a "turn off" but it's not something I really like either. I like for my guy to be able to drive us on dates, I guess I'm just more traditional about that stuff. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind driving at all and if he needed it, I would be more than happy to give him rides to places. I just really like for my guy to have a car and drive.
Yup,it's a turn off. Just like it would be a turn off to you if WE didn't drive.
it might become an inconvenience but it isn't really a turn off
Yeah, if a guy can't drive it is a major turn off depending on reasons. If he just doesn't then yeah no that's not happenin
Depends on location. But if in a suburban area then yes. I am not trying to drive all the time
Is it a turnoff if a guy doesn't drive?
It is for me.
The guy I'm in love with doesn't have a car and idc just wonder why but he never wants to talk about it just says he doesn't and leaves it at that. Other people driving actually makes me nervous lol
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