Should I "warn" a guy I met online that I'm fat?

[KNovem01]

I started talking to this guy online awhile ago, and he's the type who wants to meet face-to-face pretty much right away. I feel more comfortable emailing for awhile just to get to know him a little more before meeting, so it's been about two weeks. I know I can't really get to know him just through emails, but I really do like what I know of him so far, and I'm feeling really anxious about meeting because I'm afraid that will ruin it all. I'm really fat. Other than that, I think I'm a catch. I'm smart, sassy, funny, flirty. All that good stuff. But I'm fat, and I know that fat's a deal-breaker for a lot of guys. So, I guess I have a two-part question: 1) Should I warn him before we meet that my pictures don't really reflect how fat I really am? (The pictures aren't old or anything, they just don't show my whole body.) 2) Am I totally naive to think that if I put off meeting, he'll get to like me so much through our emailing that he'll overlook my body type once we do meet? Is that ever possible. All this sounds so pathetic, but I'd love some feedback. Thanks!

Updates

+1 y

Thanks, all! I did give him a heads-up, in an email that admitted I was uncertain on how/whether to tell him at all. I said I just wanted to be honest...and I haven't heard from him again. I never did meet him in person. I am going to have a friend take some (hopefully flattering) full body pictures of me for future online dating needs, but I think I'm taking a break for a bit.

[landingsight]

If you want to meet people who like you for who you are, you should be as open and honest about yourself as possible. This means other people should know if you have giant dragon tattoos, or if you have five kids, or if you're really overweight - BEFORE they agree to meet you.

The easy way to deal with this is to just put up a whole-body picture - the most flattering one possible. If you don't have one of those already, take one or get a friend to help you take one. Wear clothes that make you feel attractive, get in some good light, and smile! Own your body and be positive about it, too - a good attitude goes a very long way.

I do think it's naive to believe that personality and conversation will trump physical attraction. Some people truly won't care, but many people want to be with someone who they find attractive. If being overweight is a deal breaker (and it sometimes is) for the guy you're talking to, he will be very, very disappointed and feel like you've led him on if you meet without giving him a chance to see your body type first.

[PoeticNinja]

Yes, tell him. You should at least show one body picture.

Do you know what he looks like?

If he's big himself, he may overlook your weight. If he's fit, chances are he won't.

[Markezzo]

1). Yes you should, when in doubt just be as honest as possible. For all you know you might be pleasantly surprised with his reaction if you just keep a good attitude about it ;-)

2). You're not completely naive to think he might develop feelings for you if he just gets to know you. You are however overlooking the fact that you're trying to manipulate things in your favor in an unfair way. You'd be playing games with him.

Fear has never helped a relationship grow strong, take the bull by the horns and confront this obstacle.

[6Paul11]

Tell him. I went out on a date with a girl from online who only posted face photos of herself. She was way more fat than I expected. She was really nice and all, but she weighed more than me!

I'm not the shallow type. I actually prefer girls with a more full/curvy figure over the skinny ones. But her not being fully truthful with her looks really put me off. I didn't give her a second date and left feeling like my time was wasted.

Post a real full body shot of yourself. It's better for everyone.

[CHRISTOPHER185]

Tell him that you are fat and also tell him that you are willing to lose the weight. I mean if he notices that you are making an effort then he will stay with you. (that is if he likes you)