Relationships: Constant Courtship

[whatthehellwasthat]

Relationships require constant courtship. The pressure may be off once having submitted yourself to a comfortable relationship, but this doesn't mean that you should put any less effort into maintaining that same relationship that you had strived so hard to build with your partner. Even the most stable relationships can die once left neglected. It takes much nurturing and effort to thrive and coexist happily.

There should never be a day that you have to wonder "How did we get here?" as feelings of loneliness and disgust set in. And if it does, this would be the perfect time to reevaluate the foundation that you've rested your relationship on.

There will never be a day that you think to yourself, "I really appreciate you not trying so hard, this is what means we're in a good place." Because that's just not the truth of it. We all love to feel wanted by the one person we want most. And we really do appreciate being spoiled, or even impressed every once in awhile.

Has your head not always been turned by your partner when they dress up for your eyes alone? Or when they dress down just to turn you on? It's the best feeling in the world right? It's just fun! And you'll both feel desired in each of these moments solely because the chase is on. You'll do everything to keep one another, and the willingness to woo each other all over again really helps the fact that you're meant for one another to sink in. Feeling wanted is everything.

When successful, you become the couple to envy. You become so wrapped up in each other that the game intensifies. Who can get the best reaction out of the other, and who can show the most appreciation for the gifts they've been given?

Your gestures dont have to be extravagant to make your partner feel appreciated. Personally I bake, make cards, and dress up-even if it's a quiet night in. The effects are amazing. Try it sometime. It may surprise you both!

[Ozanne]

Lovely! I very much agree with this approach. I called this "watering the flowers". And tried explaining this to previous boyfriends that if they wanted to hold my interest, they couldn't just drop the ball in our relationship - because I know I didn't intend to.

Meaning, never stop paying attention to your relationship or your partner, just like every day you need to water the plants, you need to continue to try and impress and show that you still love your partner. Miss a day, you start to see things dry up. Keep missing the watering over time, eventually it will die. A relationship is just the same. If you stop watering, it won't survive.

[whatthehellwasthat]

Yes ma'am! (:

[JuicyBrain]

I love how you call it. I might see it like that in the future. I think it's what happened in my last relationship. When thinking about it, I found out I forgot to "water the flowers". I ended up taking her for granted. I had so much stuff going on in my life that we grew apart. I promised myself that in my next relationship, I would do a small gesture for her everyday to remind her why I am with her, but also to remind myself.

[rthomas43]

Probably one of the truest and most helpful mytakes on this site.

[whatthehellwasthat]

Thank you (: It was definitely a response to about ten questions asking the same thing, "Why doesn't she do this anymore, why does he snub me?"

[PeachSunset]

I totally agree!
Like, that effort is beauty in a relationship. I think trying so hard is what makes a relationship so special because you're putting so much work into looking good for one person and that shows how much you care about them and favor and appreciate their opinion. But at the same time, not putting on makeup and dressing in pjs shows that you're comfortable in your own skin around them and thats also important. Beauty is skin deep so in a relationship I think that concept really has to be noticed and not taken for granted.
And another thing I agree on with you lol. there's such a huge difference from buying your partner chocolates and making them chocolates. One takes money and one takes effort. And in a healthy, true relationship effort will always shine through.
My dad says he'd much rather have hugs and homemade Christmas cards and Christmas cookies than something store bought with my babysitting allowance.

[whatthehellwasthat]

Effort is truly what makes a relationship. You don't go on a date and BOOM you're in a relationship. It must be nurtured and grow. I do love the examples that you've given, truly. I've never known anyone to look at a homemade card or home made food, and just say they'd rather have been given a poetry book full of someone else's feelings and words or simply be taken to a restraunt. That's nice too, but nothing compares. And your dad must be the best. He sounds like the guy whose fridge would be full of memories (:

[PeachSunset]

Yes he is amazing but guess what, he's 75 and he had kids really late, my mom is 65 and she's actually was too old to have kids so I had an egg donor. As much as I want younger parents so I can have more time with them, I think its awesome having older parents, they're much more experienced and way more intelligent than the average parents.
And ya, one date doesn't make a relationship. Love at first sight is sounds super shallow in my opinion.
I mean I do believe that with someone who's going to be your future husband and love of your life, on your first date, you felt something different, a gut feeling, a spark but love at first sight is based off looks i'm pretty sure. There's certainly a difference between thinking he may be the one and genuinely 'falling in love' with him the second you lay eyes on him.

[Pampered]

I agree! My boyfriend never has to worry about me getting lonely because I usually tell him straight up when he's not paying attention to me and he fixes it right away lol. Guys get caught up in their work and stuff, I get it, but don't lose focus of your woman!! ;)

[ThisDudeHere]

But do you do the same for him?

[alonzoslade]

@ThisDudeHere

I agree. I just got out of a relationship were my partner almost NEVER reciprocated.

[whatthehellwasthat]

Most of the time, a reminder is all that's needed!

[Pampered]

@ThisDudeHere He's not that needy and never really feels like I'm being too distant. I feel like I'm always there for him and if i'm not, he's never complained..

[whatthehellwasthat]

That's always good too (:

[Phoenix98]

I wouldn't call this courtship, this is simply being a good boyfriend/girlfriend and a good person.

Courtship is the mindset of being with a women/man or going into a relationship with the intention to marry her or him and treating her/him as such. Which is the only way I do things, as I have no desire to be in a relationship simply for the sake of it. Courtship is quite different then dating as well.

What you describe is simply being a gentleman and a lady and that should never be turned off it should be ever present, you have the right mindset though this is how you should go about things. As a relationship is like a garden, planting the seeds and sprouting flowers is not the end you must constantly take care of it by pruning, watering and the like to keep it healthy, vibrant and fresh, the same can be said for a relationship as well.

[RationalMale]

"Constant courtship"... eh. You know that people who expect "constant courtship" are going to be let down? Because courtship relies on all those feelings and excitement of falling in love, hormones, etc.

I agree, keep working to make sure things stay loving. But no relationship is going to be constant excitement, by nature. There will be boring times.

[dartmaul15]

The point is to never get "too comfortable" and stop doing that. Not as often, but love needs to be maintained. You NEED to show your partner you love him/her. Thus constant courtship.
The frequency may not be as high as when you fell in love, but the courtship needs to be there.

[whatthehellwasthat]

I don't know. The little things can still be exciting. I'm still personally thrilled every time I'm walked to my car and my doors held open for me to climb in haha

[whatthehellwasthat]

Oh, and yes. That's exactly the point! (:

[Bluemax]

Yes. I believe in dating my wife.

I think GAG should implement a "best take of the week" system. If it did, this take gets my vote.

[whatthehellwasthat]

Thats definitely good to hear!!! And wow, thank you (: One of my best compliments.

[bomba78]

so true and very on point! People often say, relationships are a lot of work, but they shouldn't be. If you appreciate your partner and show it with words and actions, the relationship stays happy and it doesn't feel like a chore. Showing love can be done in many ways. The most important thing is to not take each other for granted but to remember how lucky you are to be with someone so amazing, to respect them and have their back no matter what.

[alonzoslade]

Well, you are 36. younger women don't tend to understand that so well

[whatthehellwasthat]

It definitely gets easier with age to take greater pride in your relationship. But that's when it's also taken the most for granted too, I've seen. But yes, you're right (:

[Kiran04]

I wouldn't called it "courtship" as much as I'd call it maintenance. Courtship implies men doing all the work, as usual. Seriously, when as the last time you ever saw or heard of a woman courting a man? It just doesn't happen, so for the sake of equality we shouldn't call it that. Relationships take the same amount of effort from both partners to function well. If it's lopsided, no amount of courtship is going to fix that.

[HookingSwan]

Lol women also court men if u didn't know this :P i know i do court my guy

[whatthehellwasthat]

Yes, I agree maintenance is a good word for it. Maybe even better. But I do believe that I personally court my boyfriend. It's hard not to want to please the person you're with.

[Kiran04]

Oh please with the special snowflake syndrome. I call myself a "slut" too, but no one is ever going accuse slut of being a good word to describe women. Courtships is still pretty male exclusive. I don't care what you personally think of yourself. Maintenance is a better term.

[whatthehellwasthat]

You're 31, right? Huh.

[Phoenix98]

Actually courtship is being and going into a relationship with the intention of marriage and kids, something both men and women do or rather used to do, you only ever hear about men doing it though.

[MrChadeo920]

@Kiran04 I agree courtship implies that we as men have to constantly make our woman happy, making sure their safe, comfortable, and all that jazz. The problem that we run into today is that very few woman are actually worth "courting". Most people these days want to hook up anyways. Which is why I feel dating is essentially obsolete today. Which is sad. Woman are more independent and can basically choose any guy they want. Where as men we basically have to "prove" ourselves worthy in order to court or date a woman. So this is where we're at today. Men and women are hooking up more and marrying less.

[whatthehellwasthat]

I believe that there are both bad guys and bad women when it comes to choosing a partner. There's always going to be the guy who want grow up or the woman who won't settle. So I definitely agree that a lot of people aren't worth striving for. But not everyone is bad. There's always going to be that one person who wants the same things as you. And thankfully, those who want differently will usually be very forward and clear about the issue... A light does go off when you speak of independence and proving ones self. Except it goes both ways at different points. A man will go to great lengths to prove himself a good date, but a woman will go great lengths to prove she'd be a great wife and mother to any future children.

[kaminalove]

I love this! :D Well written!

[whatthehellwasthat]

Thank you (:

[Anonymous]

i want one :,(

[Bluemax]

What are you doing to get one?