As someone who has been involved with men much older than me (and one man who was ten years younger than me), I did some reading on the dynamics of age-gap relationships, and why those who are in them seem to have more of a problem than those on the outside of the relationship.
Age Gap Relationships (AGR, or “age disparities”) is sometimes calculated using the “half one’s age plus seven” in modern culture, to find the minimum age of someone to date. I had also read a crude calculation such as 5± years is the starting point of minimum years of the gap, and anything more would be extreme.
This is all relative, and when people meet, it often times gets in the way of really connecting with someone when there are other values to consider.
But why can’t people just meet and be happy? It seems that those who fuss over the age gaps are the couples alone, and not so much their friends and family as much as they think. Those that do, often unfairly use it as a weapon against the person’s character. If things don’t work out, comments made such as, “He was too old for you anyway,” or, “What were you doing with a woman that old?” are often taking the place now as a new, fluffy way to discriminate.
I can’t speak for a lot of men, but for women, I want to focus more on the older man. (The statistics in US, UK, and Australia of older women marrying a man 10+ years younger accounts for less than 1% of marriages, whereas the statistic of women marrying 10+ years older is more than 4% of marriages.)
My “Take” is this: a lot of women seem to have trouble with balancing the age gap relationship perception with the current non-sexual relationships she has with family and friends. Women are nurturing beings, and our biology is about pleasing each other and making sure people’s needs are met.
Worrying about “what will my parents think” is often a woman’s way of showing ties to the family, as a young girl who was once dependent on her parents, trying not to do anything disapprovingly towards them. Even as adults, not having to answer to them, the little girl voice in the head still seems to want to please them, hoping that the choice they make in a partner will be one that her parents will agree with.
But how often do you hear people say, “Does he at least treat you nice?” Most parents want what’s best for their children, and those who notice that there is something about them that they don’t like might use the age gap as an excuse to skirt around their reasoning. Parents also pick up on the worry from their kids. If you go in to a big production about how your relationship is worth something despite the age difference, parents will automatically find that the focal point actually is the age difference to worry about. If it worries you enough to talk about it, it will worry them too. The best approach is to eliminate it from the conversation when you announce to family that you've met someone that you know you might have something good with.
As for friends and others who are on the outside looking in, gauge which friends are even happy for you being in a relationship to begin with. Some friends who are simply jealous of others who can find relationships are often the first ones to criticize. Know the difference between those people and those who see past an age who can genuinely feel happiness for you. If not, maybe it’s time for you and your new love to find new friends as couples together. Remember: people are often most critical of things they don't understand. This is ultimately their issue, not yours.
Age gap relationships are often times loaded with chemistry that can’t be avoided. Just the simple fact that one partner is so much older or younger is part of the fun, and might even be topic of conversation for you both to get through and enjoy tackling together. If it lasts, it lasts -- enjoy it. If it doesn’t, then like all other previous relationships, it is something you can look back on as more experience on your relationship resume.
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