Relationships Communication: Talk Your Problems Away!

[LittleSally]

All relationship problems stem from poor communication.

• Make an actual appointment with each other. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed (if you have any), and let voicemail pick up your calls.

• If you can't "communicate" without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you'd be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.

• Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking, or ban phrases such as "You always ..." or "You never ...."

• Use body language to show you're listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. For instance, say, "What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we're both working." If you're right, the other can confirm. If what the other person really meant was, "Hey, you're a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you," he or she can say so, but in a nicer way.

P.S.

Do whatever works for you, but remember: what works for BOTH of you, not just for one or the other.

[gobsmacked3]

'Matica Hrvatska':

The Social age has killed communication. meaning when people are in real life situations away from their trendy gadgets, they struggle to deal with eye to eye

[LittleSally]

I agree. And that's sad. :(

[gobsmacked3]

Every one 'texts', emails, twitters, skypes etc etc etc

No one talks any more :(

[Stacyzee]

Yes, communication is key to a successful relationship.

[Ben89]

Communication is essential however I have found there is not a lot one can communicate about if your partner refuses to compromise. Case in point, whenever I bring up anything with my girlfriend that she may not like to hear, even small things such as why doesn't she remember our anniversary date she automatically goes into defensive mode telling me its who she is and I should meet someone else if I cannot deal with it. Now I think about it anything I try to talk to her about that is mildly important gets this response or verbal threats and aggressive shouting. I do not shout, I have always said we have never argued because usually it is her shouting at me. In my situation any communication other than cordial is met with an instant brick wall yet when she tries to talk to me about important things she expects me to listen (that I do) and make the change. How is that fair?

[LittleSally]

Not fair at all...
Sounds to me like she's trying to find a way to break up with you or to make you break up with her. She doesn't sound like she is satisfied in the relationship she's in. She sounds like a difficult woman who should probably need a guy who will control her.. o. O
But this is only my view of this based solely on your opinion here.

[Ben89]

She has always been like it, any serious issues that need communicating she just isn't willing to talk about or compromise on. Unfortunately it has really killed most of the communication in our relationship as the usual stuff just doesn't seem important anymore and whenever she talks to me about things I am doing and how I could improve I just don't listen anymore. I feel why should I!. She does say she wishes I was stronger to be able to handle her but in my opinion why should any man have to put up with someone not willing to communicate or compromise on serious issues. What she is saying, I need someone to accept me for who I am and put up with it, whilst giving me everything. As far as I am concerned that isn't how a relationship should operate. Issues include, making more time for us, contributing ideas and money occasionally, initiating affection and intimacy, prioritising us some of the time, stop lying about being at university to my friends and family.

[LittleSally]

God! She sounds like a real piece of work...
I'd cut that thing loose asap.

She needs a firm hand on the tiller - maybe even an aggressive person - she sounds like that.

[Ben89]

Yeah I know and tbh I have always known. Her dad was a cannabis user, adulterer and a sh*t father and as such I think she harbours resentment towards men in general. The day I asked if she wanted to go out/date she told me that she wouldn't be able to love me the way a normal woman would and that she would hurt me. I think I should have listened then to be fair. I find it amusing that someone can expect everything from someone yet not be willing to return the same care and affection. Madness. I may have one last chat with her and if it goes down hill perhaps end it. Thanks a lot, I just wanted to make it clear to people that sometimes serious communication is impossible because the other person won't engage.

[LittleSally]

Oh, no need to justify your point. There are people out there who never listen and never give, only talk and take.

Good luck.
P. S.
Don't stay in that relationship just because you're scared of being alone - if you're miserable (as you sound) end it and be happy. It's possible to be happy even if your'e single.

[Ben89]

Thanks, means a lot :)

[howtheyfeel]

Don't be fooled.

Women are petty-minded, manipulative, ungrateful, jealous and quarrelsome. The current "relationship" thing has never been around in the past, as it is a feminist arrangement... these arrangements are steadily on the decline.

STAY AWAY from relationships.

[Hajar_Whitestone]

Shouldn't I have a partner first :v

[bobwallice]

Yup, it's definitely a two way street though.